Feeling a bit guilty
 

Just want to vent a bit I guess.

I know I probably shouldn't be feeling guilty, but I am. It's been kind of a tough week in my head. I got home from work last night and had a couple of glasses of wine while having a very much needed phone conversation with a friend. My son, who was off school sick yesterday, kept interrupting the call and finally got mad and said that I'm always on the phone (which I'm not). Mind you AH husband was passed out on the couch. I finish my call and come inside. AH wakes up by then and is in the kitchen. My son starts crying hysterically. I ask him what's wrong, and had missed his concert at school. I was so busy that I had forgotten about it, and probably didn't think about it because he was off sick. Then he said I might be able to make it if we leave now. Well, i was beat from my week and had two glasses of wine. There was no way I was driving anywhere. Of course he never asked AH in all that time. He doesn't know about AH'a drinking, I think they just don't go to him because I'm usually the one doing mostly everything.

I asked AH to try to console him, and he handled it all wrong making it worse. He is getting worse in this area as well. Bad week and terrible night all around.

So, here I am today and AH is working 7 days this week again. I know he must be tired, but I'm tired too. (Note I'm glad I don't have to deal with him being here - im so full of contradictions ) I love my kids more than life, but I don't want to even be a mom right now today. Just hearing the word "mom" called from the other room makes me want to scream.

I feel like I let my son down, and I feel bad for being so irritated by the kids.

Clover.....there is a reason that it is called an "family disease"......because the effects spread to all those around the alcoholic.....
It is affecting your family in a domino effect.....

in the grand scheme, ONE missed concert will not damage the child for life. but i am sure in his little world it feels that way RIGHT NOW.

and i know the drag that motherhood can be sometimes. we all need a time out, some space, some time to NOT be someone's mom, or wife, or employee. this is exacerbated by the elephant in the room......living with an active alcoholic.

Don't beat yourself up. You are entitled to have a bad day or week. Things happen...this too shall pass.

How old is your son? If he's in middle school, he's definitely old enough to start taking some responsibility and making sure mom knows there is a concert BEFORE anyone leaves the house that morning!

Also- don't be so sure they don't know about dad's drinking...kids are super smart and know a lot more then we usually think!

Hang in there!

I do...and you'll swear you're dieing from the physical withdrawal symptoms....but it's all in your head.

Yeah. It's the elephant in the room. I was glad to hear he was working because it's hard to deal with being together at home for a whole weekend, but I got used to getting a break here and there. He worked out of town for the better part of two years and I didn't get any break. Now it's hard to tell whether the break from the kids or him is more important.

Thanks

He is 11 and yes is in middle school. It's been a roug couple of months. I'm working full time now. I get him up before I leave for my new job. It's a new routine for all of us - me working full time. He was doing well and all of a sudden has fallen back asleep several times (I get these hysterical calls usually at work) and he's been suffering from headaches.

We also lived apart from dad for 9 months and moved. He is so intuitive and thinks too much like me. I don't know what he knows or is thinking. Eventually he tells me. We talk a lot mMy worry is that he gets resentful and stops taking