I知 dating an alcoholic
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Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 3
Thank you for the welcome!! Congratulations on your sobriety and finding a happier and more peaceful way to live your life!! Yes, I do feel really fortunate to have found this website and the kind, wise, and perceptive people on it. If I am truthful, I would say I have become addicted to my AB. I cannot possibly imagine what other draw all of this dysfunction would have for me? It's like I'm compelled to stick by him, to "wait it out." I have taken other members' advice and purchased Codependent No More. Not all of it fits, but enough to where I can see that I have a problem and if I don't work on myself, I will not get better. Crying and lying in bed are obviously not helping me. So I'm hoping to benefit from others' experiences, both good and bad, and make some better decisions for myself. Thank you again!
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: East Coast
Posts: 1,235
Originally Posted by shadyplace03 
Hi,
What if he is nice 60 percent of the time and a drunken lunatic the other 40 percent, is that good enough for me?
What if he is nice 60 percent of the time and a drunken lunatic the other 40 percent, is that good enough for me?
If he was faithful to you 60% of the time and cheating on you 40% of the time is that OK with you? Would you encourage your daughter to put up with a partner like that?
Don't settle for scraps. I once did, and once I found a relationship I actually worked it made me realize how willing I once was to settle for the basement when I should have been reaching for the sky.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 1
Hi Sunset.
When I was in your position, if I'd written what you wrote it would have been to see if anyone would tell me to get out (and if not, maybe I was overreacting, right?)
Run.
You are not going to have the relationship you want with this man.
The longer this goes on, the longer it will take you to heal.
Forget about whether or not he will resent you for "not allowing him to drink." That isn't how this works. You don't have that sort of power. In fact, you don't have any power over his addiction.
I was exactly where you are - I didn't see what was really going on. I tried so hard. So. Hard. Over years I tried everything I could think of. Looking back, I poured an extraordinary amount of energy into what amounted to mind games with myself, convincing myself that there was SOMETHING I could do to get both of us safely off the roller coaster.
In the end I lost both of us. I found myself across from a therapist literally unable to answer the question, "What do you do for fun?" Sitting there, I was embarrassed and horrified about not being able to answer that question. Yet, I couldn't. I couldn't even muster a half-hearted half lie to present with some shred of dignity. I had become a shell of myself that I didn't even recognize. It sounds cliche and something I never imagined would happen to me. Yet there I was.
Don't let yourself go down this path.
I'm glad you're here... also use Google and read as much as you can to answer these questions of yours. It will not take long for the responses to sound familiar.
I also want to just say "out loud" that you describe intense anger, violence (punching walls) and hunting all in one paragraph. It sounds like he has at least one gun and a temper when he's drunk. Please allow those facts to give you pause.
I wish you the best!
Sahara
When I was in your position, if I'd written what you wrote it would have been to see if anyone would tell me to get out (and if not, maybe I was overreacting, right?)
Run.
You are not going to have the relationship you want with this man.
The longer this goes on, the longer it will take you to heal.
Forget about whether or not he will resent you for "not allowing him to drink." That isn't how this works. You don't have that sort of power. In fact, you don't have any power over his addiction.
I was exactly where you are - I didn't see what was really going on. I tried so hard. So. Hard. Over years I tried everything I could think of. Looking back, I poured an extraordinary amount of energy into what amounted to mind games with myself, convincing myself that there was SOMETHING I could do to get both of us safely off the roller coaster.
In the end I lost both of us. I found myself across from a therapist literally unable to answer the question, "What do you do for fun?" Sitting there, I was embarrassed and horrified about not being able to answer that question. Yet, I couldn't. I couldn't even muster a half-hearted half lie to present with some shred of dignity. I had become a shell of myself that I didn't even recognize. It sounds cliche and something I never imagined would happen to me. Yet there I was.
Don't let yourself go down this path.
I'm glad you're here... also use Google and read as much as you can to answer these questions of yours. It will not take long for the responses to sound familiar.
I also want to just say "out loud" that you describe intense anger, violence (punching walls) and hunting all in one paragraph. It sounds like he has at least one gun and a temper when he's drunk. Please allow those facts to give you pause.
I wish you the best!
Sahara
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