My life with an alcoholic
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Dixie
Posts: 612
My life with an alcoholic
My story: I'm 52 years old. I met, fell in love with and married my AH 19 years ago. I am 9 years older than him. We have no children together, but I have a daughter from a previous marriage. My AH's disease is much worse today than when we first dated. I'm not sure I would have married him if he was as bad then. I consider myself to be fairly intelligent, I'm educated and I have a good job. My AH is the same. I am EXTREMELY independent and self-sufficient. This comes from being a single parent for 13 years before I married the second time (to my AH). I don't depend on him, because you can't depend on someone who may not be there (physically or emotionally). I have my hobbies and interests. I have learned to just step over him as he lays passed out on the floor in front of the television.
His drug of choice is beer - lots of it. He drinks non-stop... sometimes when he gets up in the morning before he goes to work; always in the evenings and on weekends (all day); he doesn't know how to drive a car unless he has a beer between his legs; he drinks until he falls asleep (or passes out), and then he wakes up and starts all over again. He's a stay-at-home drinker... meaning he doesn't go to bars or hang out with friends who are a "bad influence." He DOES drink and drive. I just hold my breath on this one. He's a happy drunk -- annoying, but happy.
Reading some of the posts, I see myself when I was much younger. All the turmoil, chaos, tears, depression -- I've been there. But it's different now. As I matured in years, I also matured in wisdom. Yes, this disease bothers me, but it doesn't turn me inside out as it used to. I was constantly yelling and screaming and crying and pleading and bargaining. And you know what? It didn't work. Nothing worked.
My greatest struggle is (and always has been) separating the person from the disease. I have to make a conscious effort to show respect.
In an alcoholic marriage, a sober day is a bonus. I don't expect it anymore --but I embrace it when it happens. So, I get on with my life. Sometimes I really miss him. Sometimes I'm lonely and depressed. But life is about choices -- every single day. I have accepted my situation. This is the life I choose for today. This is the person I choose to live it with. Tomorrow I may choose differently. I don't know. I put ALL my trust in my Higher Power and let Him direct my paths.
His drug of choice is beer - lots of it. He drinks non-stop... sometimes when he gets up in the morning before he goes to work; always in the evenings and on weekends (all day); he doesn't know how to drive a car unless he has a beer between his legs; he drinks until he falls asleep (or passes out), and then he wakes up and starts all over again. He's a stay-at-home drinker... meaning he doesn't go to bars or hang out with friends who are a "bad influence." He DOES drink and drive. I just hold my breath on this one. He's a happy drunk -- annoying, but happy.
Reading some of the posts, I see myself when I was much younger. All the turmoil, chaos, tears, depression -- I've been there. But it's different now. As I matured in years, I also matured in wisdom. Yes, this disease bothers me, but it doesn't turn me inside out as it used to. I was constantly yelling and screaming and crying and pleading and bargaining. And you know what? It didn't work. Nothing worked.
My greatest struggle is (and always has been) separating the person from the disease. I have to make a conscious effort to show respect.
In an alcoholic marriage, a sober day is a bonus. I don't expect it anymore --but I embrace it when it happens. So, I get on with my life. Sometimes I really miss him. Sometimes I'm lonely and depressed. But life is about choices -- every single day. I have accepted my situation. This is the life I choose for today. This is the person I choose to live it with. Tomorrow I may choose differently. I don't know. I put ALL my trust in my Higher Power and let Him direct my paths.
Barn Goddess
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Southern NJ
Posts: 250
Originally Posted by hope2bhappy
My greatest struggle is (and always has been) separating the person from the disease. I have to make a conscious effort to show respect.
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: In Search of Finding ME!
Posts: 1,246
hope2bhappy, I think your post is very good. It shows that a person can have/find peace with an alcoholic. It tells the story of all of your efforts that did not work, to the point of accepting and detaching. (Something we all have problems with at one time or another).
I'm glad you shared with all of us. And I'm happy to know that you are much happier now than you used to be. Your life has gotten better - and that's great!
I'm glad you shared with all of us. And I'm happy to know that you are much happier now than you used to be. Your life has gotten better - and that's great!
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