Nata1980

Ugh

I have to fight myself not to correct spelling and formatting in other group’s presentation materials, even if it looks like kindergarten macaroni art 😂

I was always an A student and always helped everyone with their studies, etc. no one ever helped me.

2018 is the year I take things from others 😊

Smarie78

Lol Nata. It’s amazing because I wasn’t even an over achiever growing up so no idea where it came from. I often think think there’s a tinge of OCD that drives it more than anything. I have a very mild case of this - compulsive ticks, a bout of Pure O a few years ago. For me it seems to be more about that then a perfectionist need.

I also realized I am much more competitive than I ever thought I was. Another adjective Id never have used to describe myself, but see it more and more. That little nag of “I can beat that in my sleep”. Yikes! Good to un-earth these things. I also sometimes wonder how much of this surfaced as a response to the trauma of living with an addict. Was it there all along or did we develop these things as a means of survival? Just some food for thought!

dandylion

Smarie.....I have a very strong memory of you saying how your father was very much into his kids achieving at a high level...I can remember you talking about this....Now, correct me if I am wrong---in case I have crossed up in my memory, some how....do you remember our/my discussions about the role of the Superego in guilt/shame? It was at that time, I think that this was mentioned...

If I am correct, in this...I would think that...like most all of us...these tendencies take root in our early developmental years...and, are made even stronger when one is faced with the task of dealing with struggles that come with trying to cope with our alcoholics.....

Smarie78

Yes your memory is 1000% correct. I guess I was never overachieving in school. I just did ok. Went to an ok school. He’s still incredibly proud and thinks I’m some high powered executive just because I work for a good company. I do wish I could be more all the time. You’re probably very correct in your assessment.

dandylion

Smarie.....if that is correct....then, the shame and guilt that you have spoken of so, so often, that you have...could arise out of not ever being enough for your caretaker's aspirations. You did "just" o.k. in school and you have "just" a decent job in a good company....
Perhaps, not feeling "good enough" began in your early years....
Our Superego can beat the hell out of our ego...if we don't live up tp the aspirations of others ---that we INTERNALIZED for ourselves......
That can easily explain how one's self esteem got tossed into the gutter, early on.....

I'll bet the kid's milk money on the premise that if you were to explore your relationship with your father...from childhood, on, that it would parallel your relationship with your boyfriend....

trailmix

Interesting how your Father is very proud of your achievements but, as Dandy mentions, you think they are just "ok".

Maybe what you heard and what he was actually saying were two different things?

He might have been saying you must do well in school - which meant applying yourself and doing the best you can - what you heard was straight As and valedictorian?

To him your job might seem fantastic, you are supporting yourself, taking care of your own finances etc etc but you hear, need to be CEO at Ford?

I'm just throwing that out there, I don't know, of course