CentralOhioDad

If "the program" is keeping a knife out of your back, shouldn't you be promoting "the program"? You can't because it's out of your control.

donewithhurting

Direct copy paste - "OUR COMMON WELFARE COMES FIRST"

tomsteve

ive been on a bolwing league. theres some sick SOBs on bowling leagues.
then theres some pretty awesome people on bowling leagues,too

honeypig

I fail to see what is evil or wrong or suspicious here--please explain it to me.

A self-help group declaring that the group's welfare comes first just doesn't seem like a bad thing to me, but clearly it does to you, dwh. Is Weight Watchers evil, too?

dandylion

It is the social c o nnection...the face to face connection with other humans that is one of the most powerful forces in AA (or any support group),,,in my opinion. A group of supportive, compassionate. non-judgemental others is one of the most healing things we can encounter....
It is what humans need...other humans.... in their hour of pain or need. We are essentially social creatures, to begin with...
There is no other force that is so healing, in my opinion....even when a healing medication is given....it still goes better if administered with a loving hand on the shoulder....
You alluded that you are "in the field"....then, if you do a review of dynamics of group behavior...you will see what I mean.....

Nobody is forcing you to like/approve of AA. You (apparently) are not the alcoholic.
Your wife has free will. It is her gift from the Universe. She is entitled to use it as she sees fit.
You are entitled to your opinions and to make your own decisions and to do as you see fit. We all get to make our own choices and to deal with the consequences of those actions...be they good or bad.....That is the way it works for all of us.....

I see a lot of the Parent-Child dynamic in your marriage, as you have described it to us. That always blows up...sooner or later....especially if the Child part starts to assert some independence...

honeypig

You know, one of the more memorable things XAH said to me was "well, and what if I DO get better and decide that I don't like it here w/you any more?" Seems to me, dwh, that this is EXACTLY what YOU fear...

By the way, dwh, XAH did NOT get better. Not at all. And hence he is XAH. He pretended to go to AA meetings for 4 years. Then he started actually going. And even w/AA's cult-like powers of mind control, he still kept drinking. And lying. And after another couple years of attending meetings while STILL drinking and STILL lying, he stopped going.

So I would submit that AA doesn't have some kind of brain lock on these folks...sure seemed like XAH had plenty of self-will!

aliciagr

There is a lot about this in the media today. I think there is even some discussion about it here in the 12 step forums. There was a memo posted here in one of the forums where AA was saying even though they knew of predator conditions for years - NOW that it was being picked up and discussed they had to begin to take some action on it otherwise it might affect the membership. Vulnerable women and abused women are often given the suggestion to attend women only meetings or to seek different resources. Lets not minimize the danger here as the programs do not screen those who attend. Its basically up to individual groups to be watchful for predator behavior and to take what action they can.

One person being abused is too many. One person going for help and ending up raped or falling under the spell of a manipulative character who is there not for recovery but for devious purposes is not ok. many people who attend have multiple issues other than drinking or drugs and they are vulnerable to this.

Mango blast

What three things would you like to get most out of THIS day?

Sometimes, the answers to the big problems in life aren't by dissecting them. The big things are more easily solved by first learning how to ENJOY life.

One day at a time, we get to do that, if we want to.

As we learn this, we gain Inner strength to deal with tragedy, toxic people and abuse.

So instead of looking for problems to create... why not focus a bit on dinner plans? Italian? Mexican? Asian? Maybe a huge green salad with Amy's Roasted Red Pepper dressing?

What sounds good for dessert? Use of imagination is highly ENCOURAGED.

The brain heals and regenerates quicker with use of imagination instead of being immersed in fear.

trailmix

Have you been to AA? I'm sure you know you can attend open meetings. Now, doesn't have to be your wife's meeting (unless she is 100 percent on board with that).

donewithhurting

Yes I have attended several AA and Many Al-Anon meetings

FireSprite

Of course it is, no one is saying anything to the contrary.

MANY organizations have been infiltrated with creeps - hello, Catholic Church anyone? American gymnastics? Penn State? (yes, even boys/men are vulnerable!) Countless US politicians & leaders?????

AA is not MORE vulnerable than other organizations is the point I'm making.

Let's not forget people - SHE'S not having any issues in these meetings, he's FUTURE TRIPPING about things that there is no basis to believe WILL occur.

For that matter, if SHE were uneasy & dedicated to recovery, she'd seek out a woman's only meeting (if available), online support, or independent counseling, right? She has a voice in this - it is HER recovery after all.

donewithhurting

Yes, sometimes she is the child and sometimes I. Most times equal partners through life and this is a changing experience for us both. I've come here posting my questions and concerns because after much research online in boards like these I found this one to be the best of the crop for this kind of thing. I'm not gonna sugar coat it. I have my concerns but not too worried. I am all for her sobriety, just disappointed she couldn't find her support in me as she and I have done for decades. I think you understand what I am expressing. I realize that many find help at AA as they do in IC and MC and other programs. I/we've been through several before. AA seems just so cultish. Suppose it has to be for many cases of alcoholism as the same for any addiction. In our case she was not what I call a "drunk". She drank occasionally and after family crisis got out of hand. The biggest issue has been the occasional raging stemming from other FOO issues. I don't think AA can deal with those and may just be masking a more important matter.

Mango blast

It seems to be quite the party in here. Anyone up for bring appetizers or chips?

Mango blast

Ahh... those fears I understand. I have great experience with them.

Okay, so... do you have a sponsor yet?

donewithhurting

No I don't and don't plan on getting one. But thanks for the suggestion.

donewithhurting

Absolutely. And there is past history... as we all have. If we don't learn from our past we are doomed to repeat it eh?

hopeful4

I actually agree that AA alone may not be able to handle raging from FOO issues. I hope she continues to go for herself, and possibly supplements with therapy from a therapist who also understands addiction, as many do not.

Good luck to you both!

NYCDoglvr

Somehow I don't think an organization that asks for $1 per meeting, where no one tells their last names or any personal information and says "the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking" is a cult.

If you go Googling anti-AA stuff you'll find it. You're determined AA is an evil cult and I doubt anyone here can talk you out of it. And that's fine. I don't understand why you continue to engage.

Good luck.

CentralOhioDad

Then wouldn't the prudent play be to work on getting YOU healthier and in recovery, instead of what she possibly, by chance, maybe do?

The people in her group might be: less insecure, less controlling, and less hateful of the unknown. Makes sense she might be appealed by that. Just sayin'.

tomsteve

excellent.
now onto solutions,eh? solutions for YOU.