dawnrising

Have been dealing with the loss of a dream or fantasy. I constantly feel the pulls of maybe there is a little hope if only I try harder or that its done and I need to pick up the pieces. It hit me hard Monday in therapy and today is the first time I haven't left the house since Monday. I have been honoring the sadness and openly crying. This morning I decided I would get dressed and go to an alanon meeting. I haven't been there in so long and they read something from a daily devotional book, dated the date of my wedding anniversary. I feel like Wylie Coyote the giant safe keeps hitting me in the head and my instinct is to chase the roadrunner. For those of you who are on the other side do you ever feel fully confident in your decision, or do you just learn to live with the decision you have made?

Mango blast

(((Hugs)))

I want to say each day brings more clarity.... but the reality is often I need a bunch of days strung together to be able to look back and see how quickly things keep getting better.

My decisions are the ones I get to make for this one day.

When it involves something longer... taking care of each day One Day at a Time takes care of things too big for me to tackle all at once.

Maudcat

Hugs, dawnrising.
Time and distance will bring clarity.

dandylion

dawnrising....one always grieves for a period of time at the loss of a "dream or fantasy"....
Be sure to allow yourself this time to grieve....you are entitled to that....grieving is the first stage toward final healing....

Mango blast

Dawnrising,

Thinking of you. How are you doing today?

dawnrising

Doing better today. I keep getting emails from AH that contradict themselves line by line and believe it or not that is actually helping. He has cracked the password or figured out who I am on this site again. He made mention of the letter to my family which I didn't share with him. Its upsetting because he is using posts I have made about my feelings as a justification for him to not try. I am never going to get what I need from him to feel right about ending this marriage. I am just working on it day by day. Today has been better than yesterday and so it goes. I did however receive a ton of support from my family when I asked them to honor my boundary with their behavior and my AH. I wasn't sure if they would do that but they have. So not struggling as much today. Thanks for asking

Sasha1972

I'm glad to hear that each day is a little bit better.

Ladybird579

For those of you who are on the other side do you ever feel fully confident in your decision, or do you just learn to live with the decision you have made?
Yes I feel fully confident that divorce was the best option and I've never regretted it. It was difficult, painful and lonely at first( but no moreso then being together) but gradually things got better.

NYCDoglvr

Does it feel good when you stop hitting yourself over the head with a hammer? Definitely. What I didn't get until a good number of Alanon meetings under my belt is that by continuing to stay in a toxic situation I was responsible for the pain. We have choices, and I chose to stay much too long.

dawnrising

Oh I definitely stayed way too long because of my long standing issues of self worth that come from my FOO. I was doing the best I could with the knowledge I had at the time. Changing the automatic thoughts that pop into my head is the hardest though. Its so easy to slip back into that familiar skin because I know what to expect.

dandylion

daw nrising.....I can see that you are really trying....I believe that, that tenacity will be your saving grace!
I believe that the self talk that you are talking about is so powerful.....since you show an interest...I am recommending the following book for you----
"What to Say When You Talk to Yourself"....by Shad Helmstetter....It is a classic...and it is a bit older...but I think they have updated it on kindle. the basic principles don't change...
You can get it on amazon.com...or from the local library...

AnvilheadII

Its so easy to slip back into that familiar skin because I know what to expect.

that's our uncomfortable comfort zone. it's scratchy and a bit musty like an old holey wool blanket.....it works in a pinch when we are cold. mostly. better than nothing.

better than.........nothing.

are we truly reduced to that? that we cling to a rung above nothing, rather than reach for anything else?

ScaryTime

Wow! This um first made me laugh out loud! But then I stared to think that yes, that’s what I keep doing! I need to stick with my truth and keep moving toward my August deadline... thanks for that hit over the head with a hammer from the other “side”