I'm furious, I just want to punch him!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 681
I'm furious, I just want to punch him!
I'm sorry I keep posting, this is my sanity keeper right now. No need to reply, just blowing off steam. I never really, really wanted to actually punch anyone in my entire 48 years on this earth. Yeah he quit drinking a little over 2 weeks ago. He is home almost everyday because he is on disability, mostly blind, but he has an awesome friend who helps him do side jobs. Yet he sits in his chair, after getting up at noon, angry and resentful, doing next to nothing. He refuses any help because he can "do it himself". He doesn't have time to sit there until HE feels he is ready to get help. Many have told me just leave him be, he will decide when he's ready. More selfishness. I'm arranging counseling for myself, and my boys if they want it. It will be a few more weeks before I can get an appt. I have no compassion for him anymore. We are suffering, everything is in a holding pattern because HE isn't ready. Our 16 year old has Bipolar. He has been stable and doing great for close to 2 years. Everyday for a week he's back to losing control. I don't blame him. He is taller than both my AH and me, so when he loses control and starts slamming his head in to the door and biting his hands, we can't stop him. Then his forehead is bleeding, his hands are bleeding and he is crying. When someone hurts your child, no matter who it is, it infuriates any parent. So he sees this yet sits there and does nothing to start to work through this! His child who he loves more than life, who he teaches how to fix cars, repair stuff in the house, takes him fishing, helps with homeschooling etc. What the hell is he thinking!? So I'm sitting in the car down the road because I can't go home or I'm sure Ill actually punch him. He told me to punch him, he said he deserves it. I want him to leave but he literally has nowhere to go, neither do I. We couldn't do it anyway. We just barely scrape by as it is. We are in WA state and it is ridiculously expensive to find a place to live. A 1 bedroom apartment in a very crappy, crime ridden area is $970 a month. I'm not kidding. His best friend has agreed with me for a while now, he needs to quit, he doesn't want him at his house even if he had room. I just want to run away for a few weeks, but I'm not doing that to my boys. My 16 year old needs at least the stability we have now. I can't sit here all night. Its 40 degrees outside. How am I supposed to get through this anger and keep from punching him? I can't help my boys when I'm like this. As much as he deserves it, I can't bring domestic violence into this. How do you all deal with this? This is 10x harder than him being drunk every night. I wish my mom was still here. She died 4 years ago from liver cancer caused by damage from alcoholism and Hep C. She got sober and was sober for 24 years before she died. I was proud of her and was able to forgive her many years ago. She could help me with what its like for someone who is not drinking. I thought he could work on sobriety, I could work on my stuff (I am well aware I'm not faultless) and help the boys. Then work on the marriage later down the road. He said he desperately wants to keep his family but right now I don't give a crap. And with the attitude he has, no matter the reason, I think its too late. After 20 years I'm just done.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
Whew. You have a ton going on.
I’m sure others will come in with support as well, but let me say that you are not alone, and you are doing the very best you can under difficult circumstances.
Though it may not seem so now, this tough time will pass.
Have you considered talking to a domestic violence group?
While you may not be experiencing physical violence, the strain and stress you are feeling as a result of the home situation could be considered mental abuse, and someone there may have some ideas that could help.
Good luck.
.
I’m sure others will come in with support as well, but let me say that you are not alone, and you are doing the very best you can under difficult circumstances.
Though it may not seem so now, this tough time will pass.
Have you considered talking to a domestic violence group?
While you may not be experiencing physical violence, the strain and stress you are feeling as a result of the home situation could be considered mental abuse, and someone there may have some ideas that could help.
Good luck.
.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 415
Originally Posted by Wamama48 
I'm sorry I keep posting, this is my sanity keeper right now. No need to reply, just blowing off steam. I never really, really wanted to actually punch anyone in my entire 48 years on this earth. Yeah he quit drinking a little over 2 weeks ago. He is home almost everyday because he is on disability, mostly blind, but he has an awesome friend who helps him do side jobs. Yet he sits in his chair, after getting up at noon, angry and resentful, doing next to nothing. He refuses any help because he can "do it himself". He doesn't have time to sit there until HE feels he is ready to get help. Many have told me just leave him be, he will decide when he's ready. More selfishness. I'm arranging counseling for myself, and my boys if they want it. It will be a few more weeks before I can get an appt. I have no compassion for him anymore. We are suffering, everything is in a holding pattern because HE isn't ready. Our 16 year old has Bipolar. He has been stable and doing great for close to 2 years. Everyday for a week he's back to losing control. I don't blame him. He is taller than both my AH and me, so when he loses control and starts slamming his head in to the door and biting his hands, we can't stop him. Then his forehead is bleeding, his hands are bleeding and he is crying. When someone hurts your child, no matter who it is, it infuriates any parent. So he sees this yet sits there and does nothing to start to work through this! His child who he loves more than life, who he teaches how to fix cars, repair stuff in the house, takes him fishing, helps with homeschooling etc. What the hell is he thinking!? So I'm sitting in the car down the road because I can't go home or I'm sure Ill actually punch him. He told me to punch him, he said he deserves it. I want him to leave but he literally has nowhere to go, neither do I. We couldn't do it anyway. We just barely scrape by as it is. We are in WA state and it is ridiculously expensive to find a place to live. A 1 bedroom apartment in a very crappy, crime ridden area is $970 a month. I'm not kidding. His best friend has agreed with me for a while now, he needs to quit, he doesn't want him at his house even if he had room. I just want to run away for a few weeks, but I'm not doing that to my boys. My 16 year old needs at least the stability we have now. I can't sit here all night. Its 40 degrees outside. How am I supposed to get through this anger and keep from punching him? I can't help my boys when I'm like this. As much as he deserves it, I can't bring domestic violence into this. How do you all deal with this? This is 10x harder than him being drunk every night. I wish my mom was still here. She died 4 years ago from liver cancer caused by damage from alcoholism and Hep C. She got sober and was sober for 24 years before she died. I was proud of her and was able to forgive her many years ago. She could help me with what its like for someone who is not drinking. I thought he could work on sobriety, I could work on my stuff (I am well aware I'm not faultless) and help the boys. Then work on the marriage later down the road. He said he desperately wants to keep his family but right now I don't give a crap. And with the attitude he has, no matter the reason, I think its too late. After 20 years I'm just done.
It is about you and your boys, you cannot change or control his actions you can only control yours.
Sending you positive vibes. Hang in there and remember you can only take care of you and your boys, you cannot fix or control his actions.
❤️
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 681
I hadnt thought of that, visiting a domestic violence group for suggestions. I'm not actually going to hit him,
but when that urge strikes, like it has 2 times in the past month,
I just leave. Thank you for the reminder about this passing.
That's why I come here, everyone is so helpful.
I plan to pay it back one day and help others after I have gone through this.
but when that urge strikes, like it has 2 times in the past month,
I just leave. Thank you for the reminder about this passing.
That's why I come here, everyone is so helpful.
I plan to pay it back one day and help others after I have gone through this.
Originally Posted by Maudcat
Whew. You have a ton going on.
I’m sure others will come in with support as well, but let me say that you are not alone, and you are doing the very best you can under difficult circumstances.
Though it may not seem so now, this tough time will pass.
Have you considered talking to a domestic violence group?
While you may not be experiencing physical violence, the strain and stress you are feeling as a result of the home situation could be considered mental abuse, and someone there may have some ideas that could help.
Good luck.
.
I’m sure others will come in with support as well, but let me say that you are not alone, and you are doing the very best you can under difficult circumstances.
Though it may not seem so now, this tough time will pass.
Have you considered talking to a domestic violence group?
While you may not be experiencing physical violence, the strain and stress you are feeling as a result of the home situation could be considered mental abuse, and someone there may have some ideas that could help.
Good luck.
.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 681
I am repeating to myself "I cant fix or control his actions"
Sometimes we forget the obvious. I am also repeating "I didnt cause it, I cant cure it and I cant control it."
I am ecstatic that your AH is going to AA!
That is awesome and I truly am happy for you.
Hopefully that offers you a little bit of relief.
Sometimes we forget the obvious. I am also repeating "I didnt cause it, I cant cure it and I cant control it."
I am ecstatic that your AH is going to AA!
That is awesome and I truly am happy for you.
Hopefully that offers you a little bit of relief.
Originally Posted by ScaryTime
Yes, I have been there. Am pretty much there right now, but luckily for me my AH (sober 10 weeks) has appointment and an AA meeting tonight. You did the right thing by leaving the situation as it stands right now. Keep telling yourself it is about you and your boys. Is there anywhere you can go any talk to someone? You definitely need to get away...
It is about you and your boys, you cannot change or control his actions you can only control yours.
Sending you positive vibes. Hang in there and remember you can only take care of you and your boys, you cannot fix or control his actions.
❤️
It is about you and your boys, you cannot change or control his actions you can only control yours.
Sending you positive vibes. Hang in there and remember you can only take care of you and your boys, you cannot fix or control his actions.
❤️
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 39
I feel your pain. It is maddening. I’m just coming out of the drama haze with my RAH and it starts to take you over mentally and spiritually after a while. Please keep posting on here, we can all relate to what you’re experiencing and are here to support you.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
I am going to say this gently. Have you thought about moving to somewhere less expensive? For $970 a month where I live you could be renting a really nice home, not an apartment. Would it be a good thing for you guys to get a fresh (and cheaper) start elsewhere?
Sending you a big hug. Keep posting, you are not alone!
Sending you a big hug. Keep posting, you are not alone!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 681
I can't imagine getting a nice house for $950 a month,
that is wonderful. All of my adult girls live here, and they are such a help to us. But I can go stay with one of them for a few days. I think a few days to get away will help. Time to think uninterrupted, write things out and just get a break. Thank you for your thoughts.
that is wonderful. All of my adult girls live here, and they are such a help to us. But I can go stay with one of them for a few days. I think a few days to get away will help. Time to think uninterrupted, write things out and just get a break. Thank you for your thoughts.
Originally Posted by hopeful4
I am going to say this gently. Have you thought about moving to somewhere less expensive? For $970 a month where I live you could be renting a really nice home, not an apartment. Would it be a good thing for you guys to get a fresh (and cheaper) start elsewhere?
Sending you a big hug. Keep posting, you are not alone!
Sending you a big hug. Keep posting, you are not alone!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 681
Glad to hear you made it through the crazy out of control feelings.
It seems like there is no light at the end of that tunnel. I'm hopeful Ill be where you are soon.
It seems like there is no light at the end of that tunnel. I'm hopeful Ill be where you are soon.
Originally Posted by Jewelstar
I feel your pain. It is maddening. I’m just coming out of the drama haze with my RAH and it starts to take you over mentally and spiritually after a while. Please keep posting on here, we can all relate to what you’re experiencing and are here to support you.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
