dawnrising

So after the super confusing meeting yesterday thankfully I already had a therapy appointment scheduled for this morning. Met AH yesterday where he told me he has loved me since he was a teenager still does but he quit working on us a long time ago. In rehashing with the therapist this morning. She believes he had made his decision to give up awhile ago and in her words "he set you up like he always has to get you to do the hard work, follow through and be the bad guy so he can be the victim". To this very day he has never told me he wanted a divorce only "I know how you feel about me." Looking back to November I think he had made the decision by then because thats when he went about his PR tour to extended family and was obsessed with my getting my prosthetic device so I would be completely done with cancer, its not socially appropriate to divorce someone with cancer. My therapist is quite convinced he has met or is seeing someone that allows him to disconnect/drink and be generally selfish. I just feel sad and disillusioned with all of it. I spent 22 years with someone who has tossed me and our family aside, for something as boring as your standard midlife crisis. I feel disappointed in him, myself and rejected as well. My DDnow18 response to the look on my face when I got home was "you realize you're the scapegoat right mom?" How is it that an 18yr old and my 20 yr can see everything so very clearly but I am struggling day to day?

inquiringmind

Oh, dawnrising, I feel your pain...I know it is so heavy. I am in a very similar situation right now. I don't know what I can say that will lessen your devastation. What I can say - one thing I am learning - is that spouses who are addicts/alcoholics will lie constantly, especially to those of us whom they are supposed to love and protect. We must learn, in turn, to protect ourselves from their torturous behavior, lying, and deceit. That is something I am still trying to figure out.

trailmix

When I read this I thought, the someone is, alcohol.

I think it's probably harder for you to see some things because you are in the middle of it. Your viewpoint is different, your relationship with him is different. Anyway that's my take on it.

His behaviour is disappointing (yes, huge understatement), I think you are brave - to be attending therapy and to be trying to resolve things for yourself. None of this is pleasant but I hope you are feeling a little better now that you are discussing all of this?