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Another Confirmation...

Old 01-22-2018, 06:18 AM
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Another Confirmation...

that I did the right thing by making my AF leave my home.

I was in the back yard and part of the 6' high wooden fence leans and is detached from another section of the fence. There are weeds and overgrown trees back there (no neighbors).

I went over to look at it and happened to catch a glimpse...lovely...beer cans and the cardboard packaging for a case of beer.

So, that confirms I did the right thing at the right time. All the drinking he was doing that I didn't know about. Drinking in the backyard and throwing the remnants over the fence. SMH.
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Old 01-22-2018, 06:24 AM
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YES. Definitely the right thing.
As they say around here, "more will be revealed."
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Old 01-22-2018, 07:40 AM
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More often then not they are drinking far more then we are aware of or what they will admit to. As much as they lie to us about it, I think they lie to themselves too. Such a horrendous disease.

I know of a lady who was married to an alcoholic. After he was hospitalized long term for a stroke he suffered directly related to his alcoholism, she was sitting on a big rock at the back of their acreage having a good cry. A neighbor man walking the back fence line stopped to talk to her, it was a small town in Canada and we all knew each other, he was inquiring about her husband's health and offering what support he could.During the course of the conversation he asked her if she'd see the "new" RV he had purchased. He told her that for years he had been picking up the beer cans and liquor bottles her husband had been tossing over the fence onto his property and returning them for recycling deposit refund. He saved up all that money ( .10c per can/bottle) and was able to help finance his new RV with the money he'd collected from her husband's habit of tossing his "evidence" onto someone else's property to deal with all the while "hiding" his drinking from his family.

I'm glad your home is a place of peace right now. Hang in there.

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Old 01-22-2018, 07:58 AM
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After I divorced, I thought I had all the empties and hiddens out of my house. We had been apart for a good long while, and I had an empty beer can fall right in front of me in my garage down from the rafters. Scared me to death LOL. I also found them buried in the back yard when I was landscaping, it was two years later I believe! I could not believe it. It's amazing what they hide, where they hide it, and how much effort they go to. I know for my XAH, had I told him to dig in the dirt for any other reason, he would have told me to pi$$ off. But oh yes, let's spend all sorts of time digging holes in the back yard to bury the empties! Crazy is all I can say......

So glad it's over. Things like this remind me of how glad I really am.....
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Old 01-22-2018, 07:59 AM
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Originally Posted by Eauchiche View Post
YES. Definitely the right thing.
As they say around here, "more will be revealed."
Thank you! Aint that the truth!
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Old 01-22-2018, 08:00 AM
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Originally Posted by SmallButMighty View Post
More often then not they are drinking far more then we are aware of or what they will admit to. As much as they lie to us about it, I think they lie to themselves too. Such a horrendous disease.

I know of a lady who was married to an alcoholic. After he was hospitalized long term for a stroke he suffered directly related to his alcoholism, she was sitting on a big rock at the back of their acreage having a good cry. A neighbor man walking the back fence line stopped to talk to her, it was a small town in Canada and we all knew each other, he was inquiring about her husband's health and offering what support he could.During the course of the conversation he asked her if she'd see the "new" RV he had purchased. He told her that for years he had been picking up the beer cans and liquor bottles her husband had been tossing over the fence onto his property and returning them for recycling deposit refund. He saved up all that money ( .10c per can/bottle) and was able to help finance his new RV with the money he'd collected from her husband's habit of tossing his "evidence" onto someone else's property to deal with all the while "hiding" his drinking from his family.

I'm glad your home is a place of peace right now. Hang in there.

hugs
Whoa!
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Old 01-22-2018, 08:01 AM
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Originally Posted by hopeful4 View Post
After I divorced, I thought I had all the empties and hiddens out of my house. We had been apart for a good long while, and I had an empty beer can fall right in front of me in my garage down from the rafters. Scared me to death LOL. I also found them buried in the back yard when I was landscaping, it was two years later I believe! I could not believe it. It's amazing what they hide, where they hide it, and how much effort they go to. I know for my XAH, had I told him to dig in the dirt for any other reason, he would have told me to pi$$ off. But oh yes, let's spend all sorts of time digging holes in the back yard to bury the empties! Crazy is all I can say......

So glad it's over. Things like this remind me of how glad I really am.....
Absolutely!!!
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Old 01-22-2018, 08:07 AM
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My ex stored his beer and liquor bottles in our garage. Every few months I would load up my car and take them to the recycling depot. It's a measure of my own state of mind that it did not occur to me that it's not a good sign when you can make $300 every couple of months by returning alcohol bottles with 5 cent deposits, all consumed by one person.

One day I had the garage door open and a couple of local homeless people were passing by the back alley. They asked if I had any recycling they could take and I said "sure, help yourself to some of this". One of the homeless guys looked at the Great Wall o'Bottles and said "HOLY [email protected]!&! That's a whole lot of booze! You must have been saving that up for years". I said uh, yeah, years and years. Decades, maybe.

In hindsight, I should have known that when my ex's monthly alcohol consumption was shocking to someone who lives on the street and by the looks of him knows a whole lot about substance abuse, things are not going well. (And when I feel I have to protect my husband from the judgment of that person, things are also not going well).
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Old 01-22-2018, 08:40 AM
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XAH used to have a fit if it was windy on trash/recycling day. An absolute FIT. When I asked why it was such a big deal, he said "b/c I don't want to have to pick up all the recycling stuff when the container blows over!" I thought wow, kind of over-reacting, aren't we?

I also saw him take one of the metal trash cans and burn "garbage" in it on a few occasions. Can't remember what the answer was when I asked why he was doing that.

And yeah, once the cat finally got out of the bag, it turned out to be all about making sure I didn't see the empties. Since his drinking was totally hidden, he couldn't even claim he'd been saving them up or anything. Any bottle that I saw was going to mean he was busted...
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Old 01-22-2018, 11:58 AM
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My XAH didn't care if I or anyone else saw his empty bottles, cans and boxes of cheap, nasty wine. I remember feeling so embarrassed when the recycling truck emptied the recycling bin. The noise of it was a sure sign to all the neighbors that a drunk lived here.
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