Distant
 

Hi, so I finally spoke up and told a friend that his drinking is ruining his life. I was kind and compassionate with my words,but since then things have just not been the same. We used to talk daily and now he won’t answer my calls and he only reply’s to my text msg with one worded answers. I understand that this is his journey, and he is dealing with a lot,I am just really struggling with the distance he has created between us. Trying hard not to take it personally.

Hello,
I discovered my friend was an alcoholic. He said he wanted to go to rehab but could not because of detbs to the health insurance company. We made a deal and I helped him to get personal bankruptcy so that he could get the health insurance back. Now he is insured, drinks and drugs more then ever, lives in the streets and avoids me completely. I miss him and worry about him very much.

Thing is, an alcoholic will do anything to protect that first. Before your relationship. So sorry.

Perhaps it is a good sign. It means we were not enabling but stood in the way of the addiction. At least I console myself with the thought.

Hi, pavel.
Welcome.
You spoke your truth, which he clearly didn’t want to hear.
We get sober when we are ready to get sober, and not a minute before.
But...miracles happen, and people change.
He may return to your life a different person.
We can’t know what will happen.
Meantime, take good care.

Did he ask for your opinion? I learned giving unsolicited advice is a very quick way to alienate the best of friends. If you have a problem with his drinking Alanon was a huge help in dealing with my side of the problem.

Hey Far--
Sorry to hear that your friend has this awful disease. If we didn't love alcoholics it would be easy peasy to just walk away from their dangerous depressing self-destruction. So, it's not easy,

It is very hard to get our minds around the fact that there is little to nothing we can do for them, they have to want to make a change for themselves, and that is tough because they are addicted and nothing gets in the way of their drinking.....so if they have to avoid us, or move, or argue with us and make it all about us, or burn bridges, or keep up appearances to keep a job (so-called high-functioning), or borrow money, or whatever - they will do it so they can keep their drinking going. And that behavior comes in an endless variety of possibilities - just read around this site!

The thing is that if your friend is an A your relationship was going to change at some point no matter what you said....Be kind to yourself yourself, nurture friendships that give you back what you need, and keep posting here! Collectively we've seen everything so you will find lots of experience, strength and hope here.

Peace,
B.

well - you told him in so many words that he's DOING IT WRONG and you know what is BEST for his life. because it is his life.....to do with as HE sees fit and if that means drinking himself into a deep dark hole, well it's his hole.

you've said what you have to say. best to leave it. the more we repeat, the farther a wedge we can drive between us and the other person.