3.5 years later
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Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 223
3.5 years later
Just to echo others that damn is this a hard and rocky road of recovery...even now I catch myself taking a step backwards now and then. But mostly I have peace. I’ve let go of any guilt and see things as they truly are and not what I want them to be-and I’m getting better at standing up for myself in all aspects, even at work when I feel I’ve been taken advantage of or treated unfairly and unjustly...the excuse of “it’s like this everywhere” or “don’t take it personally, it’s just the way it is” fall on deaf ears now...Heck no, no more of those excuses. I find myself more empowered these days, not afraid, and much less concerned with the outcome/controlling the outcome and just...being. Still a struggle sometimes but so much better. I have no problem saying NO (I never had a backbone bc I was to worried about others thoughts of me or letting them down) but every so often I do (have to admit) still think and remember the good in my ex...but I realize that is gone. At the rate he’s going he may not see his next birthday. But that is also not my choice. I’ve forgiven him for what he has done and the awful choices he’s made, the lies he continues to tell and his shirking responsibility in favor of playing the victim and not being a healthy human, in any sense of the word. But even after all this time - it still creeps back in. But I have the tools to deal with those thoughts now and reality always sets me straight if a rogue thought goes through my head. Trusting myself and my choices has become paramount and something I’ve gotten good at-but alas, still find myself second guessing. It’s a marathon, not a sprint, right?!
Reality vs fantasy...I think that was the hardest part of acceptance for me. Reality is really good these days bc I dictate my reality and get to walk away (and fight off) any toxic or evil that tries to inch it’s way into my life...that’s a great thing.
Anyway, I realize this is just a hodgepodge of stuff and verbal vomit (!!) BUT I hope it helps someone tonight...I recall Dandylion telling me over and over that healing is not linear...and there is so much truth in that. It is so worth it to be on the other side...
Reality vs fantasy...I think that was the hardest part of acceptance for me. Reality is really good these days bc I dictate my reality and get to walk away (and fight off) any toxic or evil that tries to inch it’s way into my life...that’s a great thing.
Anyway, I realize this is just a hodgepodge of stuff and verbal vomit (!!) BUT I hope it helps someone tonight...I recall Dandylion telling me over and over that healing is not linear...and there is so much truth in that. It is so worth it to be on the other side...
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Join Date: Aug 2011
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thephoenixrises....I can see so much good self-esteem emerging in you! So much respect for yourself and your own welfare....
I like the way you are able to recognize and eject those "rogue thoughts".....lol....like, one of those bug zappers....
lol...yes it Is a marathon....shucks, LIFE is a marathon, for all of us......
I like the way you are able to recognize and eject those "rogue thoughts".....lol....like, one of those bug zappers....
lol...yes it Is a marathon....shucks, LIFE is a marathon, for all of us......
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Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 994
Am 3.5 years in too. It is definitely one step forward and 4 back with me , partly cos I got involved in doing things and helping people I shouldn't have.
I’ve forgiven him for what he has done and the awful choices he’s made, the lies he continues to tell and his shirking responsibility in favor of playing the victim and not being a healthy human, in any sense of the word. But even after all this time - it still creeps back in.
I get this. I've mainly forgiven my exah but every so often like last night stuff comes up. My son got asked by the neighbour to keep it down while she was trying to get her baby to sleep early last night. The walls are paper thin and he had head phones on and was talking and laughing really loudly to his mates in Canada. He got really angry and said he hated it here and it was yet another s****thole we'd end up having to move from. It's our 4th move in 3 years and I lost it shouting, "Go down to your selfish **** of a father's house and ask him to swap then. We'll have his massive house and he can live here. It's his fault we are here cos he was too greedy to split things fairly." so yeah I still have issues lol..................am a wip.
I’ve forgiven him for what he has done and the awful choices he’s made, the lies he continues to tell and his shirking responsibility in favor of playing the victim and not being a healthy human, in any sense of the word. But even after all this time - it still creeps back in.
I get this. I've mainly forgiven my exah but every so often like last night stuff comes up. My son got asked by the neighbour to keep it down while she was trying to get her baby to sleep early last night. The walls are paper thin and he had head phones on and was talking and laughing really loudly to his mates in Canada. He got really angry and said he hated it here and it was yet another s****thole we'd end up having to move from. It's our 4th move in 3 years and I lost it shouting, "Go down to your selfish **** of a father's house and ask him to swap then. We'll have his massive house and he can live here. It's his fault we are here cos he was too greedy to split things fairly." so yeah I still have issues lol..................am a wip.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
Originally Posted by thephoenixrises 
^hopeful: I’ll be cleaning my house from top to bottom tonight-you know, healthy coping and all... 
Xoxo
Xoxo
You have come SO far it's difficult to draw an analogy between the two points. WAY TO GO!!!
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