Learning14

My initial post
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-new-here.html (New Here...)

My AF (alcoholic friend) contacted me on Friday after not hearing from him in almost a week. He's lost his job, not sure where he is staying and really didn't want to speak to him.

I'm glad I did take the call though. The entire time I listened to him talk on the phone, I sat there rolling my eyes. The "quacking", as people on this forum say, was in ABUNDANCE.

All the buzz words he thought I wanted to hear..."I detoxed myself," "I've had an epiphany about my future," "I'm really sorry for everything." Blah blah blah!!!

Still never once admitting that he is an alcoholic, that he's going to get treatment, etc. Blaming his former coworkers (he got fired last week, but told me he "left" his job).

Then came, "I have an appointment on Monday with a lady for short term housing. Can I stay with you over the weekend until then?"



I know what you are thinking...WHAT?! NO! DON'T LET HIM BACK IN.

I told him I'd have to think about it. I talked to my sister (she's my sounding board a lot of time).

So here's what happened...I texted him back and told him he could stay with me under the following conditions:

1) He had to leave Monday morning.
2) No drinking or smoking at my house.
3) Saturday and Sunday he would need to do his volunteer hours (he has 15 remaining hours with the court from a 4 year old DWI).
4) He would need to clean the bathroom that he would be utilizing.
5) No discussion or rehashing about past events.
6) I would pick him up at 7 pm (I was running an errand in that part of town).

Cue the crickets

For over an hour and a half. Nothing.

I knew right then and there it was a "no go" because of my "rules and restrictions" on his drinking in my home. He had donated plasma that afternoon, so he had about $20-$30 at his disposal.

I was leaving to run my errand and texted him, "Well?"

He texted back, "Yeah, I'm going to try and stay away as long as I can. I know it's better for me to not be around. I'm tired. I'll find someplace else to crash tonight."

Um, I might've been born at night, but it wasn't last night. He had money to drink with, so that's what he was going to do. So much for "wanting to be off the street," "getting out of the rain." Must've not been THAT desperate.

That was it...confirmation for me. The deal was then off the table and I have no longer felt any "twinges of guilt" about telling him to leave.

Thanks for listening.

2ndhandrose

Too bad we couldn't bottle and sell some of your gumption

Maudcat

Wow.
Just wow.
Go, you, for standing up!

Learning14

Awww thanks. I've dealt with this before with an AXH. I'm trying to apply everything I've learned and NOT go down a crazy, winding road like I did before.

Plus, I LIKE my quiet, peaceful life.

Learning14

I'm doing better. God is good.
I pray for my friend every day. I love and care about him and want him to be successful in his life. I don't know what his rock bottom is, but it's not for me to figure out.

ScaryTime

Nice work! 😊

hopeful4

This is a very, very healthy statement. Some don't have a rock bottom, and that is tragic. However, you are right. Only one person can figure that out, and that is themselves. In this case, you very clearly stated your own rules about this, and he chose to use instead. Opportunity was given.

It's just really nice to see such healthy responses. It's ok to love someone from afar. It does not mean you care any less, just that you are unwilling to go down the rabbit hole with them.