aliciagr....I think what you have said is spot on. I was actually pretty shocked when she suggested perhaps this is my addiction. However, once we started discussing, I can see it, clear as day.

The next steps are to dive into the things I am suppressing of course. Always fun. So much of my therapy has focused on my children, on my X husband, and the fallout of what was going on. I can see that some of my issues go back to childhood, but those are things I have never dealt with properly.

I am in a fairly good head space most times. However, we all have those other times, and those are the ones I need to work out. My parent has alzheimers, and it's progressing along. It's hard to watch, and something that scares me and affects me greatly as well. I am not the care taker (although I will have to help much more in the future) as it's managed pretty well for now. It's sad and tries your patience to say the least.

Thank you all for your wonderful support and input as always. Dandy....to be clear, I don't try to control those around me as friends, or even close friends. Even my children would say I don't try to control their lives. Just this freaky cleaning thing LOL. I hope that makes me an acceptable friend for you LOL!

I hope everyone has a wonderful, warm, and clean (ha) day!

hopeful4......Of course you would be a friend for me!
What I am talking about is being in the same space of someone who is fixated on the physical environment (overly concerned about cleanliness and order).....to the point that others find themselves walking on eggshells. It makes relaxation difficult and feel very regimented. In one's own home, I think it is important to be able to relax and be one's own self.
And...it is simply no fun to be around someone who can turn grouchy, nagging, or critical because there was a sock on the floor or a glass on the coffee table.....

As you can see...I have been around people who put the environment over the people in the environment.....that is why I vowed that I would never fall into the trap of sharing a space like that....when I had free choice.....
Of course, saying this--I realize that there is a point of reasonableness....a middle ground...common sense. I am not a cheerleader for people being slobs....
Everyone has a degree of responsibility for each other when living together. And, the living spaces should be functional...like, being able to find the things that one needs....and, organized enough to let life flow......the environment should serve us...not control us....
That is my particular way of looking at it.....

Lol...I can remember seeing my husband's sister-in-law lash out at her husband at a family gathering (at her house)....because he doesn't use a coaster for his iced tea glass...on a cheap PLASTIC table, out on the deck.....lol...later it started to rain...and the table sat outside in the rain.....
When she growled at him...nobody said anything...but, one could feel a cloud of quietness spread over the guests....discomfort....
In that case, I would say that the comfort of the guests was more important than the ritual of protecting a plastic outside table......

This is just an example of where I am coming from, with this....

dandy - I have a friend like you describe - she once cleared away my plate & washed it & wiped down the table before I was finished eating. That was the last time I visited her home or invited her to mine, it was unbelievably uncomfortable - it had been difficult enough to deal with her melting down over every skewed pillow or piece of lint on the floor. I totally understand what you're saying.

I do the same thing although not with cleaning. I start crazy home improvement projects that I have put off for years and get so deep into them the rest of the world falls away. Instant gratification and a feeling of accomplishment but at soon as they are finished that damn life business is still there. Maybe if we combine all our coping behaviors we can make a healthy person ..........maybe not :headbange

Or we'll get a helluva lot of stuff accomplished.... and neatly!!!

:e058:

:c011::scoregood

Truth! LOL!!!