Recovery: recognizing unhealthy food issues

Old 01-12-2018, 02:07 AM
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Recovery: recognizing unhealthy food issues

The healthier I become, the more I'm recognizing food issues I have.

Growing up in a dysfunctional household, there were many false and ill food relationships within the family unit that normalized very SICK behaviors.

I'm just starting to work this out on a very deep level.

...

On the surface... I know good nutrition inside and out (ummm.... maybe a clue in now for my dysfunctions with this? )

I now enjoy many foods and restaurants of all kinds without judgement of them, myself or the people who eat there. This is after serious counseling, therapy and changing many habits and thought processes. (Still through this... I didn't realize I had food issues, until now...)

Reaching another level of recovery work. Suddenly food related memories between the the members of my FOO are flooding in and dots are being connected. HUGE and CONSISTENT power plays, control and psychological games all wrapped up in the general go-to of "let's make this look good" to the outside world... "let's present a fake image of love and caring to others, especially to the ones we invite to see this."
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Old 01-12-2018, 03:18 AM
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I never had enough to eat as a child and often went to bed hungry. This has turned me into a stock piler of food stuff. The amount of dried goods and frozen I have is embarrassing. Also cupboards full of tins, jars and packets. I get twitchy if it starts to look like we are running low so I order more. It's never wasted but I don't think we need 2 huge freezers and a floor to ceiling fridge for 3 of us lol.
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Old 01-12-2018, 04:53 AM
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I learned very unhealthy habits from my family and even though I intellectually knew what I should do later on, I usually didn't do it (eating the right things, eating less, etc).

At risk of sounding like a broken record, the only thing that worked for me to change my habits was using positive affirmations - and actually, I noticed that eating right was the first thing that changed when I started doing them, and very quickly, in a matter of a few weeks tbh.

Since I started doing this, I've been eating right basically every day and it is not a chore. I don't spend time thinking about it. I just find myself rejecting things that hurt me and embracing things that make me feel good - in the case of food, that means I turned away from meat, takeout, fast food, junk food, etc. and turned toward a vegetable based diet that is well-balanced and I eat A LOT LESS. Like, it's shocking to think about how much I used to eat. I couldn't see it for a long time.

I look incredible for the first time since college, I feel great, and it takes no effort whatsoever. It's amazing.
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Old 01-12-2018, 07:33 AM
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When I reached this intersection of my recovery path, things shifted in a Very Big Way for me.

Numbing myself emotionally through food is a lifelong habit I've only recently changed. Food has been my DOC since I was about 8, as far as I can put an actual, time-stampable memory to, at least. It spiraled into all kinds of bad habits & poor management tools over 30+ years.

My grandmother was a living model of this behavior & considering the amount of time we spent together in my early childhood, it's not a stretch to see why that is the pattern I chose to emulate.

I am finally at a point where I feel like I've beaten this forever & I'm literally in the very best shape of my life, mentally, physically & spiritually. I may stumble but I'll never fall that far down the rabbit hole again. I've shared a lot about this journey:

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...uper-long.html (It's All About Me - One Year Later (super long))
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Old 01-12-2018, 04:28 PM
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For me I had been addressing the food challenges prior to meeting, loving and marrying the relationship that got me here.

Food can provide physical satisfaction, but it also is emotional, a form of love and celebration and in my family a place that we came together. It was almost always a positive point in my life with my family, rather than stressful.

My codependent behavior and my food behaviors went hand in hand and "fed" each other.

So much of my life was out of control, that I attempted to control with food. I have done the whole gamete of food behaviors.

I used food to numb out, either over or under eating.

It is amazing to me that when I am working on any component of recovery, it helps all aspects of me.

It was amazing when I started to develop boundaries for example how much I did not need food to cope.

I have had a weird relationship with food as long as I remember (4 or so). Tackling my recovery is the best gift I have given myself, and food has started to take up and appropriate amount of space in my life.

Ah the layers that we reach with recovery. Each getting us closer to true self.
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Old 01-12-2018, 04:37 PM
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This continues to be my favorite passage about my relationship with food and recovery.

From Anita Johnson in Eating by the Light of the Moon

"Imagine yourself standing in the rain on the bank of a raging river. Suddenly, the water-swollen bank gives way. You fall in and find yourself being tossed around in the rapids. Your efforts to keep afloat are futile and you are drowning. By chance, along comes a huge log and you grab it and hold on tight. The log keeps your head above water and saves your life. Clinging to the log you are swept downstream and eventually come to a place where the water is calm. There in the distance, you see the riverbank and attempt to swim to shore. You are unable to do so, however, because you are still clinging to the huge log with one arm as you stroke with the other. How ironic. The very thing that saved your life is now getting in the way of your getting where you want to go. There are people on the shore who see you struggle and yell, “Let go of the log!” But you are unable to do so because you have no confidence in your ability to make it to shore.

And so, very slowly and carefully, you let go of the log and practice floating. When you start to sink, you grab back on. Then you let go of the log and practice treading water, and when you get tired, hold on once again. After awhile, you practice swimming around the log once, twice, ten times, twenty times, a hundred times, until you gain the strength and confidence you need to swim to shore. Only then do you completely let go of the log."
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Old 01-13-2018, 06:21 AM
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I've listened to a couple of podcasts where Anita Johnson was a guest, and she's amazing.
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Old 01-13-2018, 09:28 AM
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I come back to the log analogy when if I am beating myself up for not being able to let some old behavior or baggage go too!

I will search out her podcast presence. It is the only book she has written, but boy am I glad she did. Geneen Roth too!
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