The In-Between Place
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Join Date: Jan 2018
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I guess I'm the odd one out in that I'm ok with in between. It means I just let the feelings be and felt them. And I got through it. When that happens I feel empowered and more confident, and more open to what is to come.
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 681
Thanks! I'm excited to finally see progress! Sometimes it doesn't feel like it at all, but we are all getting there.
Originally Posted by firebolt 
^^ THat's GREAT Wamama! It took me years to be able to do that, and still struggle for an outcome at times!
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
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Originally Posted by Wamama48
I guess I'm the odd one out in that I'm ok with in between. It means I just let the feelings be and felt them. And I got through it. When that happens I feel empowered and more confident, and more open to what is to come.
For me the In-Between is more tolerable when I have a sense of where I'm going - I don't mind being in-between-but-working-toward-xyz.
The discomfort rises exponentially (for me) when I don't have that next step defined & I'm operating solely on blind faith.
I am still cultivating my sense of self-trust + self-respect + self-love = all I need to believe in Blind Faith. I haven't quite bridged that gap yet to make this my new go-to programming......it's still WORK to remind myself over & over & over.
I have no doubt is relates at least somewhat to my semi-strict-Roman-Catholic-laced- with-hypocrisy upbringing, anchoring me like an albatross subconsciously at times.
My Neo-Pagan meets Buddhist Self KNOWS that I have everything inside me to succeed in every situation - my knee-jerk Catholic upbringing tells me I'm not worthy of such things & that it is blasphemy to even think such a thing.
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Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 1,355
Me too! I feel I've been in the in-between place for the last 10/11 weeks. Im not comfortable here, initially it felt like I was drowning every day when I'd wake up. I'm starting to see glimmers of light on the horizon and just as I do, the grey clouds of codependence gather round. For today I'll trust in a higher power.
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Join Date: Sep 2018
Posts: 436
Great to read that again trailmix. This is a passage from Charles Eisenstein's The more beautiful world our hearts know is possible. I carried a photocopy of this page with me for a long time and read it often.
Do not be afraid of the empty place. It is the source we must return to if we are to be free of the stories and habits that entrap us.If we are stuck and do not choose to visit the empty place, eventually we will end up there anyway. You may be familiar with this process on a personal level. The old world falls apart, but the new has not emerged.Everything that once seemed permanent and real is revealed as a kind of hallucination. You don’t know what to think, what to do; you don’tknow what anything means anymore. The life trajectory you had plotted out seems absurd, and you can’t imagine another one. Everything is uncertain. Your time frame shrinks from years to this month, this week,today, maybe even to the present moment. Without the mirages of order that once seemed to protect you and filter reality, you feel naked and vulnerable, but also a kind of freedom. Possibilities that didn’t even exist in the old story lie before you, even if you have no idea how to get there.The challenge in our culture is to allow yourself to be in that space, to trust that the next story will emerge when the time in between has ended, and that you will recognize it. Our culture wants us to move on,to do. The old story we leave behind, which is usually part of the consensus Story of the People, releases us with great reluctance. So please, if you are in the sacred space between stories, allow yourself tobe there. It is frightening to lose the old structures of security, but you will find that even as you might lose things that were unthinkable to lose, you will be okay. There is a kind of grace that protects us in the space between stories. It is not that you won’t lose your marriage, your money, your job, or your health. In fact, it is very likely that you will lose one of these things. It is that you will discover that even having lost that, you are still okay. You will find yourself in closer contact to something much more precious, something that fires cannot burn and thieves cannot steal, something that no one can take and cannot be lost.We might lose sight of it sometimes, but it is always there waiting for us.This is the resting place we return to when the old story falls apart. Clear of its fog, we can now receive a true vision of the next world, the next story, the next phase of life. From the marriage of this vision and this emptiness, a great power is born.
Do not be afraid of the empty place. It is the source we must return to if we are to be free of the stories and habits that entrap us.If we are stuck and do not choose to visit the empty place, eventually we will end up there anyway. You may be familiar with this process on a personal level. The old world falls apart, but the new has not emerged.Everything that once seemed permanent and real is revealed as a kind of hallucination. You don’t know what to think, what to do; you don’tknow what anything means anymore. The life trajectory you had plotted out seems absurd, and you can’t imagine another one. Everything is uncertain. Your time frame shrinks from years to this month, this week,today, maybe even to the present moment. Without the mirages of order that once seemed to protect you and filter reality, you feel naked and vulnerable, but also a kind of freedom. Possibilities that didn’t even exist in the old story lie before you, even if you have no idea how to get there.The challenge in our culture is to allow yourself to be in that space, to trust that the next story will emerge when the time in between has ended, and that you will recognize it. Our culture wants us to move on,to do. The old story we leave behind, which is usually part of the consensus Story of the People, releases us with great reluctance. So please, if you are in the sacred space between stories, allow yourself tobe there. It is frightening to lose the old structures of security, but you will find that even as you might lose things that were unthinkable to lose, you will be okay. There is a kind of grace that protects us in the space between stories. It is not that you won’t lose your marriage, your money, your job, or your health. In fact, it is very likely that you will lose one of these things. It is that you will discover that even having lost that, you are still okay. You will find yourself in closer contact to something much more precious, something that fires cannot burn and thieves cannot steal, something that no one can take and cannot be lost.We might lose sight of it sometimes, but it is always there waiting for us.This is the resting place we return to when the old story falls apart. Clear of its fog, we can now receive a true vision of the next world, the next story, the next phase of life. From the marriage of this vision and this emptiness, a great power is born.
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Amaranth......this is so powerful. I always will remember your story----because I saw you walking through such a hellish time---and, I often marveled about how you just kept pushing forward, when it looked like all of your loved ones were "throwing rocks" at you. Somehow, you always seemed to reach down deep into your soul and pull out enough of your inner strength to keep going!
Amaranth.....maybe, this would be a good time to post this passage as a new thread, on the forum? It would get a lot more traffic, I think.
It helped you so much, and it is so powerful....
I think that there are a lot of people on the forum, right now, tht would benefit, a lot, from it....
What do you think?
Amaranth.....maybe, this would be a good time to post this passage as a new thread, on the forum? It would get a lot more traffic, I think.
It helped you so much, and it is so powerful....
I think that there are a lot of people on the forum, right now, tht would benefit, a lot, from it....
What do you think?
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Join Date: Apr 2022
Posts: 136
Whoever bumped this up, thank you. I really needed this today, I'm in the in-between stage now and I just am unable to deal with it. I can't remembered the last time I cried, the birth of my kids maybe? This sure did it though, I hate where we've found ourselves. I cannot believe it's gotten to this point, we used to be so good together, complimentary pieces to our family puzzle. Now? Every moment spent in the same room is awful for both of us...part of us both knows it's over, but has no idea what's next, so we're just clinging to something that no longer exists, a memory.
I'm just so worried for my kids, that waiting seems like I'm damaging them so it feels selfish and that I'm putting my needs over their needs, which makes me feel worse.
I know there are no easy answers, so I do what I always do...research and think, but I can't find those answers anywhere. I know in my heart I'll never find them here, al-anon, other websites, friends, family, etc. They can only come from me, and that makes it all much more difficult.
I'm just so worried for my kids, that waiting seems like I'm damaging them so it feels selfish and that I'm putting my needs over their needs, which makes me feel worse.
I know there are no easy answers, so I do what I always do...research and think, but I can't find those answers anywhere. I know in my heart I'll never find them here, al-anon, other websites, friends, family, etc. They can only come from me, and that makes it all much more difficult.
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Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: Western Canada
Posts: 51
Ohmigosh, I really needed to read this today! Thank you for bumping it.
t gives me such a feeling of hope, that everything is going to be ok. It changes my perspective from hopelessness and feeling defeated to "just rest for a while"
My place to go to fell through... I was only a few weeks from getting out, finally going to be in a safe place, almost everything finalized. To lose that place to go to, When it was so close, was devastating.
I don't know what to do right now. So I'll just wait for a while, and see what door will open - maybe it'll finally be the door to a safe, peaceful place.
t gives me such a feeling of hope, that everything is going to be ok. It changes my perspective from hopelessness and feeling defeated to "just rest for a while"
My place to go to fell through... I was only a few weeks from getting out, finally going to be in a safe place, almost everything finalized. To lose that place to go to, When it was so close, was devastating.
I don't know what to do right now. So I'll just wait for a while, and see what door will open - maybe it'll finally be the door to a safe, peaceful place.
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,618
bumping this thread which is found in the stickies section at the top of the forum under About Recovery / Classic Reading:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...c-reading.html (Classic Reading)
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...c-reading.html (Classic Reading)
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Join Date: Jul 2023
Posts: 24
Thank you for bumping this! Sometimes the HP just puts these things back in our path to remind us that we are growing and while we are growing it is ok to feel like nothing is happening. .
a good reminder to read and reread those pinned threads! My personal favorite are The Quackers threads...
a good reminder to read and reread those pinned threads! My personal favorite are The Quackers threads...
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
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I could not agree more, Sam! One of the biggest benefits that I get from SR these days is simply the fact of being able to access all my archived threads from years ago. It's such a great reminder of what a person has gone thru and of how far they've come, and of what those stumbling steps along the way looked and felt like. The value is just immense.
I also find that re-reading older posts is useful in that I understand what is being said in a different way than I did when I last read them. Some time ago, I posted a piece on that topic that resonated with me. It's from the blog of Deborah Robson. Here it is again:
Spirals of Learning
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what I refer to in my brain as spirals of learning. I’ve searched the web and found a lot of diagrams relating spirals to the learning process, but none of those reflects exactly what I mean, which is coming back to a topic previously considered and examining it from a new perspective that builds on the previous knowledge, or simply again and more deeply. For me, this usually happens over a span of years. I’ll find myself intrigued by a topic that I’ve dug into before, and I’ll go after it again. Sometimes I’m ready to go further, because of additional experience and knowledge that gives me new questions. Sometimes new scholarly work has been done that I need to comprehend and incorporate.
I also find that re-reading older posts is useful in that I understand what is being said in a different way than I did when I last read them. Some time ago, I posted a piece on that topic that resonated with me. It's from the blog of Deborah Robson. Here it is again:
Spirals of Learning
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what I refer to in my brain as spirals of learning. I’ve searched the web and found a lot of diagrams relating spirals to the learning process, but none of those reflects exactly what I mean, which is coming back to a topic previously considered and examining it from a new perspective that builds on the previous knowledge, or simply again and more deeply. For me, this usually happens over a span of years. I’ll find myself intrigued by a topic that I’ve dug into before, and I’ll go after it again. Sometimes I’m ready to go further, because of additional experience and knowledge that gives me new questions. Sometimes new scholarly work has been done that I need to comprehend and incorporate.
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Join Date: Jun 2023
Posts: 9
A much needed reminder
The In-Between Place! Exactly what I needed to read. I have been feeling so stuck as I slowly unravel the old behaviors, patterns and mechanisms that protected me so long, but need to be shed in order for me to grow and heal. It is a snail's pace somedays, but I am starting to see some little changes as I edge before acceptance and start living my life detached from my addicted ex husband. Even though we share kids, which makes boundaries necessary, but also challenges me to enforce the boundaries while balancing my kids needs. I am in between so much in my life.
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