thephoenixrises

So incredibly proud of what you’re doing today-for yourself and your son. Please let us know how things go! Thinking of you...

glenl

Likewise - good luck and stay strong, for yourself and for your DS. You both deserve a better life.

dawnrising

Yes go COD!!!! Wish my father had been half the man you are - hugs

CentralOhioDad

Thanks, guys!! Well, it's done. Signed and going to be sent off today. Told attorney about last Friday's tirade (thank GOD that DS was asleep). She just shook her head.

She was also impressed that I have lots of photos showing AW passed out on the toilet, on the floor, etc. She said that if AW is smart, we won't need to bring those up in court, but we will if need be.

She'll be served in the next 10-14 days. It's going to be a rough ride from there. I just pray that AW will have enough common sense and compassion for DS not to spew hatred at me in front of him. He's endured enough unrest in the household already - he doesn't need any more.

You guys are my rock - thanks for always being there, especially the tough love!

firebolt

Any way you and DS can get out of there for a couple days after she is served? Father son road trip to let it cool down a minute before you walk back into ground zero? Family or friends you can have a weekend with at their place?
Sending you a big hug - there is a light at the end of the tunnel and you are doing the right thing!

CentralOhioDad

I think that would probably cause greater distress if I took him away from her at that point. It would be nice, and much-needed, but the chances of that are quite thin.

dandylion

COD....congratulations for accomplishing what is probably the hardest thing you have had to do...to date....
Just a bit of general advice.....Be mindful of the self-talk that you do....try to think of yourself as protect I ng your son from his mother's alcoholism...and, not that you are "taking him away from his mother"....
Self talk really matters....and, we all tend to do it...usually, unaware that we are doing it....

FireSprite

I'm really happy for you COD... at the same time, I am expecting absolute fireworks when she gets served. Nothing about what you've shared indicates she'll handle any of this with any grace & based on Friday's tirade.... ugh. No matter how much warning she's had, she's more likely to act like you're blindsiding her.

I do get what you're saying about not being able to get away with DS, but any chance you've got grandparents or a loving aunt or anyone where he has a safety zone that he can go even for just a weekend sleepover?

I suggest it because in my experience, I can handle the high stress of being around these intense adult issues far better whenever I can tuck DD away somewhere knowing she's safe & having fun - completely unaware of what I'm going through. It's helpful for HER too - to not be around picking up on my anxiety. It's easier for me at times like these to not have to hold it all together in front of her every minute of every day - even just a few hours can really, really help.

BAW81

COD - Way to go! You are teaching your son how to be a good man. While it will become extremely rocky, both of you will come stronger and better.

Sending you good thoughts and strength!

CentralOhioDad

It might take MANY years for him to realize I did this for his own bright future.

SparkleKitty

Yes, it might. And that is still light years better than him growing up thinking that this is what a marriage is supposed to look like.

BAW81

I have a very young son and I cry a lot thinking about the many difficult conversations that I will have to have along the way on why I left. I pray every day that the hurt I know my leaving will cause him will be less than the hurt he would've experienced had I stayed.

I find comfort knowing that I am breaking a cycle of abuse by removing him from a toxic environment. I hope that you may find comfort in that as well during your journey ahead.....

thephoenixrises

^^ Absolutely agree ^^ great words.

dandylion

COD....please stop beating yourself up and imaging the worst that you son will think of you. try to let go of that death grip that your false guilt has on you. It will choke you to death, if you let it.....
You son will do best if his father sees the world as a glass half-full...rather than the other...

CoParentToA

I just "took my children away from their dad" when I found out he drove drunk with them. They spent more than half their time with him at his apartment, but handled the move to my house right in stride. Their reaction makes me think they knew things weren't right with their dad. Not sure how old your DS is but mine are early elementary. Would encourage you not to dismiss the idea of taking DS out of the situation for a few days if you expect them to be tumultuous. Doesn't sound the least bit that her presence would be a comfort to him if she has an extreme reaction as you suspect she will.

tomsteve

and what makes you think you havent been conveying the message of WHY?
what makes ya think your son isnt already understanding why?

if you son has friends where he goes to their house to visit and play with them, im sure he sees a big difference in the households.

if your son is listening to other kids at school, im sure he hears a difference in households.

seems there could be the possibility of him asking WHY it is happening with HIS mother, but with the way youve been communcating, im thinking he understands why you are doing what you are doing.

so toss out that ass kikin machine. nonono- NOT put in in the closet for later use. NOT disassemble it- TOSS IT OUT!

CentralOhioDad

DS is 7, almost 8

BAW81

Does your DS have grandparents or other family he could stay with for a few days after she is served so that he doesn't have to witness the fall out? He doesn't even need to know why he's going there other than it's a special trip for him to spend time with (insert appropriate people here)....

hopeful4

You are breaking the chain. The chain of abuse she loves to spew forth. I agree with FireSprite, and will say what I always do, expect and prepare for the worst, hope and pray for the best.

Have a backup plan of somewhere you can take DS in case she flies off the handle.

Big hugs. Just remember each time you doubt yourself, YOU ARE BREAKING THE CHAIN!

CentralOhioDad

We have no family close by. We have some very dear friends whom he calls grandparents, but I'd rather not put them in the midst of this.