COD-rooting for you!
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
COD.....it is not easy to change self talk....it takes mindfulness and practice, practice, practice....
Self talk is the ideas that have been ingrained into our brains...usually for years....so much so, that we don't usually recognize what we are "telling" ourselves....unless we become more mindful...
Where did you get the idea that you must be hard on yourself. You must have internalized this concept, somewhere....Why do you think it is necessary and that you deserve to be hard on yourself?
The above is just food for your thought....
LOl...I think you often seem like a glass half full kind of guy...at least, that is what my ears hear....
Self talk is the ideas that have been ingrained into our brains...usually for years....so much so, that we don't usually recognize what we are "telling" ourselves....unless we become more mindful...
Where did you get the idea that you must be hard on yourself. You must have internalized this concept, somewhere....Why do you think it is necessary and that you deserve to be hard on yourself?
The above is just food for your thought....
LOl...I think you often seem like a glass half full kind of guy...at least, that is what my ears hear....
Member
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 415
I have also found that reaching out (to the right people of course) helps me. Some of my closest friends were somewhat hurt when I finally told them what had been going on all these years that I never said anything to them. Some of it was that I didn’t want to burden them but also some of it was that the drinking and what it does to the non-alcoholic is quite subtle. I like to think that if the changes happened all at once I would’ve walked away much sooner.
I also do a lot of self talk and that helps but when it isn’t working, I reach out either to this forum or I pick up the phone and call someone. I have learned (for probably the 100th time) that I cannot reach out to my family of origin...but Many years ago I did reach out to friends but time with my AH slowly chipped away any confidence that I once had in even my closest relationships with my friends. I am now getting much better.
Good luck to you COD, you got this and you have been handling everything beautifully. Peace to you!
I also do a lot of self talk and that helps but when it isn’t working, I reach out either to this forum or I pick up the phone and call someone. I have learned (for probably the 100th time) that I cannot reach out to my family of origin...but Many years ago I did reach out to friends but time with my AH slowly chipped away any confidence that I once had in even my closest relationships with my friends. I am now getting much better.
Good luck to you COD, you got this and you have been handling everything beautifully. Peace to you!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by CentralOhioDad 
My self-talk is not always so positive. Not that I'm a negative person, I'm just REALLY hard on myself!
which means ya started disassembly on the ass kikin machine.
keep using the suggestions and eventually it'll be in the garbage can. L)
something that helped me stop beating myself up was acceptance- accepting im an imperfect human being, warts and all.i will make mistakes along the journey, mistakes i will learn by.
a human being makes mistakes!? it cant be!!!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Central O-H-I-O
Posts: 1,689
Originally Posted by tomsteve
something that helped me stop beating myself up was acceptance- accepting im an imperfect human being, warts and all.i will make mistakes along the journey, mistakes i will learn by.
a human being makes mistakes!? it cant be!!!
a human being makes mistakes!? it cant be!!!
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
COD.....^^^^^^^this would be a good moment to review the Serenity Prayer of AA.......(it deals with acceptance---and change....)......
I have a sneaking suspicion that your self talk includes telling yourself that you are not good at a lot of things......(you say that a lot).......
I have a sneaking suspicion that your self talk includes telling yourself that you are not good at a lot of things......(you say that a lot).......
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Central O-H-I-O
Posts: 1,689
Originally Posted by dandylion
I have a sneaking suspicion that your self talk includes telling yourself that you are not good at a lot of things......(you say that a lot).......
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by CentralOhioDad
Are you sitting outside my cubicle?? Yes, that's me - guilty as charged!
).however, theres areas i AM good at.
however, with a low self esteem, i couldnt SEE them. as i built my self esteem i started seeing its ok to not be good in some areas and good in others. no ones perfect- we ALL have warts.
one thing that helped me start loving myself was looking right at myself in the mirror every time i was near a mirror.
right into my own eyes.
and telling myself,"i love myself today."
eventually it occured to me,
"why in the hell shouldnt i love myself?? why in the hell cant i be imperfect when im ok with the people around me not being perfect???"
because i was an egomaniac with an inferiority complex.
its ok for me to be imperfect today.
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Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 216
COD,
Thoughts with you. Tough step to take but knowing all your experiences it was a step that you HAD to take. Despite the days and weeks ahead which will be tough just remember you did everything you could to not have to take this step, but that you are doing the right thing for you and your family.
My best to you!
Thoughts with you. Tough step to take but knowing all your experiences it was a step that you HAD to take. Despite the days and weeks ahead which will be tough just remember you did everything you could to not have to take this step, but that you are doing the right thing for you and your family.
My best to you!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 2,349
Originally Posted by dandylion
COD....Nope. Just casually reading your mind.
LOL....a friend of mind once said to me..."Danylion--reading your mind is like reading War and Peace. as written by Mitchner".........
LOL....a friend of mind once said to me..."Danylion--reading your mind is like reading War and Peace. as written by Mitchner".........
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 497
Wishing you and your son the best COD. I know this isn't an easy thing to do, but it sounds like you are doing great.
That thing about not needing help and being hard on yourself - that is me too. I found though once I did open up to a few people who are very close to me, it was very helpful all around. It allowed them to better understand me, and I was surprised to hear that they felt something was off and were afraid to ask. It almost felt disrespectful to my husband for me to tell the truth, but I had to acknowledge that I wasn't shouting it from the rooftops. I wasn't doing it to hurt him but to get some support for me. Funny because I never felt strong, but when my good friend told (and sisters) me about how many ways she saw me as strong, it made me take a closer look. It was a catalyst in a way.
That thing about not needing help and being hard on yourself - that is me too. I found though once I did open up to a few people who are very close to me, it was very helpful all around. It allowed them to better understand me, and I was surprised to hear that they felt something was off and were afraid to ask. It almost felt disrespectful to my husband for me to tell the truth, but I had to acknowledge that I wasn't shouting it from the rooftops. I wasn't doing it to hurt him but to get some support for me. Funny because I never felt strong, but when my good friend told (and sisters) me about how many ways she saw me as strong, it made me take a closer look. It was a catalyst in a way.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Central O-H-I-O
Posts: 1,689
You guys are awesome!! Thank you, this was wonderful to see this morning.
I kind of dropped the ball. I filled out so many papers, but forgot to send in the info for the process server - where and when is the best time/place to serve her. Anyway, that was sent in a couple of days ago with a photo, so atty. is thinking probably the first week in February.
I've been 'talking, talking, talking' (per FireSprite) to DS7 about being truthful to each other, talking about feelings, accepting change, knowing that I love him more than anything, that he needs to trust that anything I do/say/decide for him has ONLY his best interest in mind. I've told him that life changes all the time, and some is good, some is scary, and some just downright sucks - but that I have his back, always.
Obviously it doesn't mean much to him now, but I continue to reinforce it so that once things start falling apart, hopefully he understands that it will be okay, at some point in time, and I will NEVER ever abandon him.
We were taking dog for a walk last night and he said, "You know what, Dad? I know in the past that I had a hard time listening to you when you were trying to teach me baseball. But I realize now that you are right and that you only tell me things to help me. I don;t always like it, but I'm starting to understand that you are just trying to help make me better!"
That was so awesome! I went on to tell him that how I guide him and teach him is more than just baseball, that anything I do is for his betterment.
Nice to know that SOMETHING sticks!!
You all are so wonderful to check in on me, it really means a lot.
COD
I kind of dropped the ball. I filled out so many papers, but forgot to send in the info for the process server - where and when is the best time/place to serve her. Anyway, that was sent in a couple of days ago with a photo, so atty. is thinking probably the first week in February.
I've been 'talking, talking, talking' (per FireSprite) to DS7 about being truthful to each other, talking about feelings, accepting change, knowing that I love him more than anything, that he needs to trust that anything I do/say/decide for him has ONLY his best interest in mind. I've told him that life changes all the time, and some is good, some is scary, and some just downright sucks - but that I have his back, always.
Obviously it doesn't mean much to him now, but I continue to reinforce it so that once things start falling apart, hopefully he understands that it will be okay, at some point in time, and I will NEVER ever abandon him.
We were taking dog for a walk last night and he said, "You know what, Dad? I know in the past that I had a hard time listening to you when you were trying to teach me baseball. But I realize now that you are right and that you only tell me things to help me. I don;t always like it, but I'm starting to understand that you are just trying to help make me better!"
That was so awesome! I went on to tell him that how I guide him and teach him is more than just baseball, that anything I do is for his betterment.
Nice to know that SOMETHING sticks!!
You all are so wonderful to check in on me, it really means a lot.
COD
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
Originally Posted by CentralOhioDad
We were taking dog for a walk last night and he said, "You know what, Dad? I know in the past that I had a hard time listening to you when you were trying to teach me baseball. But I realize now that you are right and that you only tell me things to help me. I don;t always like it, but I'm starting to understand that you are just trying to help make me better!"
I know this talking-thing has been challenging for you but it sounds like it's getting easier AND paying off. I'm SO excited for you guys. After the dust settles, DS is going to FLOURISH in ways you can't even foresee right now.
What a fantastic update!!
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Central O-H-I-O
Posts: 1,689
I'm doing okay. She has been 'better' the last couple of weeks - not as snappy and hateful. The drinking continues, however.
I am not looking forward to next week, I just know it's going to be awful. But, I have today, and only today, I have to be the best Dad I can be in the meantime.
It sucks!! (Not being a good dad, but the anticipation of the paperwork!)
Thanks for checking in on me!!
I am not looking forward to next week, I just know it's going to be awful. But, I have today, and only today, I have to be the best Dad I can be in the meantime.
It sucks!! (Not being a good dad, but the anticipation of the paperwork!)
Thanks for checking in on me!!
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