Updates. Talked to Priest and Other Stuff. And Quacking
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by CentralOhioDad 
He did say that the marriage is probably beyond saving, but that I need to approach it in a different manner. After Friday's tirade - NO!
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
Originally Posted by CentralOhioDad
I have been 'priming the pump' with conversations about: people argue, people have disagreements, it's a brand new year and with each year comes change - some changes make us happy, and sometimes changes make us very sad - but in the end know that mommy and daddy love you more than anything, and the daddy has only what is in DS's best interests, though it may not always feel that way. But, he needs to know that I love him and he needs to trust me. And one more thing - he is not responsible for anyone's feelings or happiness, that needs to come from within.
You know what? I can't think of a single thing you HAVEN'T tried COD. In fact, your story is a perfect example of someone who has tried everything, for as long as humanly possible, more than is sometimes even reasonable, in these kinds of situations.
You're an amazing dad & you've gone as far as you can without signing up to go crazy in this process. Hang in there, it's not going to be easy but regardless of the outcome, it will be worth it.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Blue Ridge Mountains
Posts: 816
Going to a priest for help with ending a toxic marriage is like
going to the hardware store for bread........
I absolutely believe my higher power is more concerned about
the health and spirituality of the two people in a marriage than
the marriage itself.
Lest we forget that priests & bishops used to sell "indulgences"
to parishioners as a guarantee to heaven & they would even
throw in a pass to get your beloved relatives out of purgatory.
Please don't spend any precious time concerning yourself
with his advice, you know what's best and he hasn't a clue.
going to the hardware store for bread........
I absolutely believe my higher power is more concerned about
the health and spirituality of the two people in a marriage than
the marriage itself.
Lest we forget that priests & bishops used to sell "indulgences"
to parishioners as a guarantee to heaven & they would even
throw in a pass to get your beloved relatives out of purgatory.
Please don't spend any precious time concerning yourself
with his advice, you know what's best and he hasn't a clue.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,699
I have been 'priming the pump' with conversations about: people argue, people have disagreements, it's a brand new year and with each year comes change - some changes make us happy, and sometimes changes make us very sad - but in the end know that mommy and daddy love you more than anything, and the daddy has only what is in DS's best interests, though it may not always feel that way. But, he needs to know that I love him and he needs to trust me. And one more thing - he is not responsible for anyone's feelings or happiness, that needs to come from within.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=08kEFELCb3I
Member
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 70
Reading your story reminded me of a warning I got from a friend ... be careful who you share with as not a lot of people will understand what you are going through.
Folks mean well, but they just don't know.
Good on you for moving forward!
Folks mean well, but they just don't know.
Good on you for moving forward!
Last edited by Wheelsup; 01-08-2018 at 04:56 PM. Reason: typos - apparently I have clumsy fingers
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 1,618
FWIW - just to say that not all priests or ministers are clueless about alcoholism - my minister told me once that in her experience, the toughest and most determined people she had ever met were single parents who had walked away from addicts. And this is coming from someone who has worked in some pretty rough places.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 8,999
Originally Posted by Sasha1972
FWIW - just to say that not all priests or ministers are clueless about alcoholism - my minister told me once that in her experience, the toughest and most determined people she had ever met were single parents who had walked away from addicts. And this is coming from someone who has worked in some pretty rough places.
COD I hope this next year brings you to a place of more peace, joy and yes, more compassion for your AW. Honestly after many years away from my qualifier I do feel true compassion for him. I would not have felt this for him if I stayed.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 123
Originally Posted by Sasha1972
FWIW - just to say that not all priests or ministers are clueless about alcoholism - my minister told me once that in her experience, the toughest and most determined people she had ever met were single parents who had walked away from addicts. And this is coming from someone who has worked in some pretty rough places.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Blue Ridge Mountains
Posts: 816
Didn't mean to step on any toes with comment about priest...
Sorry, getting back on my side of the street....
I think its unfair to expect a priest, by virtue of his celibacy, to
understand the intimate dynamics of a GOOD marriage much
less one being derailed by addiction. Kind of like expecting a
young couple to understand the bone deadening exhaustion
of bringing home a newborn- sure they think they know......
Sorry, getting back on my side of the street....
I think its unfair to expect a priest, by virtue of his celibacy, to
understand the intimate dynamics of a GOOD marriage much
less one being derailed by addiction. Kind of like expecting a
young couple to understand the bone deadening exhaustion
of bringing home a newborn- sure they think they know......
"O you must wear your rue with difference".
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 1,146
I talked to a priest after I left my ex. I said, but if we don't help him, he might die! The priest said, that might happen, that might happen but you have to NOT contact him for any reason and let him hit bottom. This particular priest you were talking to has no experience with addiction, sorry.
You have done every thing possible to make things right. You are protecting your son. Bravo! I hope the divorce goes as smooth as can be.
You have done every thing possible to make things right. You are protecting your son. Bravo! I hope the divorce goes as smooth as can be.
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Hi COD, thinking of you today.
From a purely strategic POV you would have been crazy to warn her. As soon as she gets a bottle down her neck she would be acting out and that's not good for your DS. You would have had days of it.
From a purely strategic POV you would have been crazy to warn her. As soon as she gets a bottle down her neck she would be acting out and that's not good for your DS. You would have had days of it.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,792
Originally Posted by mylifeismine
Going to a priest for help with ending a toxic marriage is like
going to the hardware store for bread........
I absolutely believe my higher power is more concerned about
the health and spirituality of the two people in a marriage than
the marriage itself.
Lest we forget that priests & bishops used to sell "indulgences"
to parishioners as a guarantee to heaven & they would even
throw in a pass to get your beloved relatives out of purgatory.
Please don't spend any precious time concerning yourself
with his advice, you know what's best and he hasn't a clue.
going to the hardware store for bread........
I absolutely believe my higher power is more concerned about
the health and spirituality of the two people in a marriage than
the marriage itself.
Lest we forget that priests & bishops used to sell "indulgences"
to parishioners as a guarantee to heaven & they would even
throw in a pass to get your beloved relatives out of purgatory.
Please don't spend any precious time concerning yourself
with his advice, you know what's best and he hasn't a clue.
You are quite right that the sale of indulgences is sinful, and is a blight on my church's history.
The LEGITIMATE use of Indulgences, however, has proven to be a great source of healing from addiction in my own life.
Too bad our culture threw the "baby" out with the bathwater!!!!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,792
Dear Dad
In spite of your priest's apparent lack of knowledge about addictions, I hope he offers you some support during this time. If you are Catholic, I also hope the Church can assist you with an Annulment. Your wife has broken several commandments, including the first one, that might have rendered your marriage invalid.
Since today is your filing day, I will offer up this morning office and Rosary for you and your child.
I believe you are dealing with a spiritual entity or entities in your wife that is/are diabolical in nature.
In spite of your priest's apparent lack of knowledge about addictions, I hope he offers you some support during this time. If you are Catholic, I also hope the Church can assist you with an Annulment. Your wife has broken several commandments, including the first one, that might have rendered your marriage invalid.
Since today is your filing day, I will offer up this morning office and Rosary for you and your child.
I believe you are dealing with a spiritual entity or entities in your wife that is/are diabolical in nature.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,792
Originally Posted by mylifeismine
Didn't mean to step on any toes with comment about priest...
Sorry, getting back on my side of the street....
I think its unfair to expect a priest, by virtue of his celibacy, to
understand the intimate dynamics of a GOOD marriage much
less one being derailed by addiction. Kind of like expecting a
young couple to understand the bone deadening exhaustion
of bringing home a newborn- sure they think they know......
Sorry, getting back on my side of the street....
I think its unfair to expect a priest, by virtue of his celibacy, to
understand the intimate dynamics of a GOOD marriage much
less one being derailed by addiction. Kind of like expecting a
young couple to understand the bone deadening exhaustion
of bringing home a newborn- sure they think they know......
I have known MANY priests (the majority, actually) who have an excellent understanding of the dynamics in a marriage. Christ himself after all, was celibate, and will be until his own marriage supper.
Conversely, we ALL know married people who don't have a clue about how to have a healthy marriage. Posts about them constitute the bulk of these pages.
I would appreciate your refraining from posting about Catholicism in such a negative fashion.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 573
Originally Posted by mylifeismine
Didn't mean to step on any toes with comment about priest...
Sorry, getting back on my side of the street....
I think its unfair to expect a priest, by virtue of his celibacy, to
understand the intimate dynamics of a GOOD marriage much
less one being derailed by addiction. Kind of like expecting a
young couple to understand the bone deadening exhaustion
of bringing home a newborn- sure they think they know......
Sorry, getting back on my side of the street....
I think its unfair to expect a priest, by virtue of his celibacy, to
understand the intimate dynamics of a GOOD marriage much
less one being derailed by addiction. Kind of like expecting a
young couple to understand the bone deadening exhaustion
of bringing home a newborn- sure they think they know......
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Central O-H-I-O
Posts: 1,689
Originally Posted by Eauchiche
Dear Dad
In spite of your priest's apparent lack of knowledge about addictions, I hope he offers you some support during this time. If you are Catholic, I also hope the Church can assist you with an Annulment. Your wife has broken several commandments, including the first one, that might have rendered your marriage invalid.
Since today is your filing day, I will offer up this morning office and Rosary for you and your child.
I believe you are dealing with a spiritual entity or entities in your wife that is/are diabolical in nature.
In spite of your priest's apparent lack of knowledge about addictions, I hope he offers you some support during this time. If you are Catholic, I also hope the Church can assist you with an Annulment. Your wife has broken several commandments, including the first one, that might have rendered your marriage invalid.
Since today is your filing day, I will offer up this morning office and Rosary for you and your child.
I believe you are dealing with a spiritual entity or entities in your wife that is/are diabolical in nature.
Heading to the attorney's office now.
Am happy to see all my friends on the Codie Bus!!!
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