His Big Night

Old 10-31-2004, 02:18 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: In my own world...
Posts: 444
His Big Night

Well, last night was sort of a big night for the bf. We didn't want to stay home last night so we decided to go out. Most of our friends are drinkers so of course they were all at the bar. We decided to go there anyway, even though the bf has been sober for over a month now and I was pretty worried about how he'd do with his old drinking buddies in a lounge. It's the first time he's been in a situation in which he was surrounded by alcohol and with people he drank with on a regular basis. Much to my surprise, he never touched a drop of beer all night! I was so proud of him!!! They asked him why he wasn't drinking, he said he was taking a break and hadn't had any for a month and some and he stayed sober all night. I thought he'd at least have a couple but he stuck it out with none. There was a couple times I noticed he seemed a little uncomfy, but he didn't give in. I just had to share this because I am so impressed with him. I don't think he has any idea how happy this makes me. He must really want to change. Thank goodness!
Aquiana is offline  
Old 10-31-2004, 02:29 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
StandingStrong's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: In Search of Finding ME!
Posts: 1,246
I am so happy to hear the good news! It really had to be rough for him! But he succeeded and I hope that he's proud of himself.
I'm unsure if he's working the program, I can't recall your story, but I hope that he continues to do well.
StandingStrong is offline  
Old 10-31-2004, 03:47 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: In my own world...
Posts: 444
I'm really happy too! He's not actively working on a program right now. He just got back from a treatment place on the 15th. I want him to go to some meetings here, and he said he would, but he hasn't yet. I'm letting him decide on his own on that one. I know the second he thinks I'm "nagging" him to go he won't for sure. I bring it up occasionally but I'm keeping cool about it. We have a list of all the meetings here so we just have to get his butt out the door one of these days.....

A question about that by the way, is it better to go with him or for him to go himself?
Aquiana is offline  
Old 10-31-2004, 03:55 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Ann
Nature Girl
 
Ann's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Aquiana

Absolutely he should go by himself, or if he calls the AA number in the book, someone from AA will go with him if he wants. Going alone, means he can feel free to share whatever he wants, and he can focus on hearing the message from others. At some time later, it might be nice if he wanted to take you to an "open" meeting, where you could just listen and learn and meet some of the people in his fellowship. But remember that it is his recovery, and we usually try to keep our hands off it.

Hugs
Ann
Ann is offline  
Old 10-31-2004, 04:55 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: lost and confused
Posts: 47
Thats great that he was able to not drink at all. I know from experience though it won't always be that easy for him. It would be best if he stays away from those situations, or if he finds himself where he feels the need to go then go for a short time. I hope though he continues doing as well as he has, it sounds like he is on the right track

Last edited by paragonlost; 10-31-2004 at 06:48 PM.
paragonlost is offline  
Old 10-31-2004, 05:15 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Ann
Nature Girl
 
Ann's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I agree that he might want to think about joining his friends when they are doing something else. Going back to old haunts with drinking friends is a relapse waiting to happen. Just my opinion.

Hugs
Ann
Ann is offline  
Old 11-01-2004, 09:26 AM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
 
ASpouse's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Sussex, NJ
Posts: 1,331
If I were you and your BF, I would find new friends. He should have been going to meetings from the first day he got out of rehab.

I feel he will be back in rehab before the end of 6 months. He cannot drink occasionally (as you mentioned in another thread), he can't hang out in bars with old drinking buddies, he needs to make changes in his life and he is doing nothing to get better. Not drinking does not make him "sober", working a program does.
ASpouse is offline  
Old 11-02-2004, 07:41 AM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Northern VA
Posts: 82
I see my story in yours. My AH came home from rehab. A few days later, we met up with our friends for a happy hour (it was his decision to go). My AH didn't drink all night. I was very proud of him too. He didn't get involved in a program and 12 days after getting out of rehab, he relapsed. He continued the relapse roller coaster for four more months, each binge sinking getting worse and worse (and each binge promising himself that would be the last). Finally he made the decision to get sober and he has been working his recovery ever since - 35 days sober. I don't mean to be discouraging, but just be prepared. If an A isn't working a program, there is little chance he will stay sober. Support his recovery, but don't lose focus on you.
Veronica is offline  
Old 11-02-2004, 01:05 PM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: In my own world...
Posts: 444
He went to a meeting the other night, (I think) and he said he's going to go to more. I've been thinking about it and more than anything it's really sad. He was doing so well, and he was so proud of himself. He's totally letting himself down. Of course he doesn't see it yet since he thinks now he can "control" his drinking. I still don't get it. Can he control it? Is it possible? I mean, I was once a daily drinker too until a life changing event made me realize how stupid I was. I quit totally for a year, (okay I was pregnant) and now I can go out once a week, or month or whatever and be fine. It's just not important. What is so different in his head?

Sorry I was mostly thinking aloud there but really, I don't get it.
Aquiana is offline  
Old 11-02-2004, 01:16 PM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: In my own world...
Posts: 444
Wait, I do get it I realize as I puff away on a cigarette. I don't understand what's in both of our heads. I really wonder why this stuff is legal sometimes.
Aquiana is offline  
Old 11-02-2004, 01:28 PM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Barn Goddess
 
Cadence57's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Southern NJ
Posts: 250
Originally Posted by Aquiana
Wait, I do get it I realize as I puff away on a cigarette. I don't understand what's in both of our heads. I really wonder why this stuff is legal sometimes.
Amen. When I think I don't understand my ex-A all I have to do is look at the pack of cigarettes on my desk and... deep down in side, I do understand at least some of his thought process (or LACK of thought process). But cigarettes haven't interfered with our relationship, they don't alter my mood and we've never had a fight because of them, so there are some pretty big differences.... The addiction itself and the denial, however, are the same.
Cadence57 is offline  
Old 11-02-2004, 01:46 PM
  # 12 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: In my own world...
Posts: 444
I swear I think the alchohol/cigarette connection is the only thing that keeps me from killing him sometimes. I know it's a little different in that ciggies don't alter my senses or make me do stupid things, but I'm still pretty stupid to do it. I wake up coughing like I have the plague, (I'm only 28 so I can imagine what I'll sound like in another 10 years), I can't breath, (asthma) and for all the complaining I do about money I don't really think he spent much more on beer than I have on cigarettes. Just like him I can justify every one and I can hate every moment I do it and do it anyway. I lied when I was supposed to have quit and hid them. I've gone into panics when I couldn't find them, tears and all. I'd rather skip meals than my cigarette on my coffee break at work. Gone outside in 30 below for one. I've never fallen down in the middle of the road from one but I smell like one all the time and my teeth are yellow. Oh yeah and my aunt died of lung cancer which was caused by smoking last year.

Sounding really familiar....and he made it longer without beer than I could without cigarettes. I do understand.
Aquiana is offline  
Old 11-02-2004, 01:51 PM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Barn Goddess
 
Cadence57's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Southern NJ
Posts: 250
Yep, it's all a matter of perspective, isn't it.
I know this has been a wakeup call for me!
Cadence57 is offline  
Old 11-02-2004, 03:01 PM
  # 14 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: In my own world...
Posts: 444
I'm not in any way saying his problem is alright but I'm saying that mine isn't either so it makes me a little more patient.
Aquiana is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 04:10 PM.