Finally feeling/seeing the silver lining
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Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 30
Finally feeling/seeing the silver lining
It has been a little over 2 months since my relapsing/bipolar/narcissist ex left me In debt and broken For heroine/meth/alcohol/ and her ex gf (who used with her and abused eachother for years) and I am healing nicely. She had unblocked me from socials around Xmas so that I could see how ecstatically happy she is (sober) with her gf and I blocked her pretty Immediately after disgustingly looking at her narcissistic ways. I definitely still think about the situation everyday but am actively in al Anon, just finishing up step 1, and working with my sponsor. I have established “no contact” and asked everyone, including her family, to stop giving me updates. All of the steps I have been taking, especially the counter intuitive ones, have helped me tremendously. I’m so grateful to everyone on SR. I have the gift of desperation and I am 100% dedicated to recovering better and wiser from all of this. It has not been easy, and I definitely still feel addicted to her; but I had a moment today when I was grateful for her leaving and letting me become who I am supposed to be.
I still have my good and bad days, I still have moments of resentment, I still have moments where I wish things could have been different, and I still have moments where I wish we could laugh about all this over coffee someday. I even sometimes have fantasies about revenge. But quite frankly, im ok with them staying fantasies, I’m becoming ok with the idea of never talking to her again and/or her never getting better and/or her getting sober and staying happy and marrying her ex/new gf. I’m FINALLY getting there u guys! Ugh. I will try and keep this peace as long as I can, until the next wave of resentment comes and I will deal with that then!
Thanks for reading!
I still have my good and bad days, I still have moments of resentment, I still have moments where I wish things could have been different, and I still have moments where I wish we could laugh about all this over coffee someday. I even sometimes have fantasies about revenge. But quite frankly, im ok with them staying fantasies, I’m becoming ok with the idea of never talking to her again and/or her never getting better and/or her getting sober and staying happy and marrying her ex/new gf. I’m FINALLY getting there u guys! Ugh. I will try and keep this peace as long as I can, until the next wave of resentment comes and I will deal with that then!
Thanks for reading!
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 9,004
Somehow I have never heard of "the gift of desperation" but yep that is what it is.
I'm so so sorry you have had to go through this. Enjoy the times you have peace and surf those less pleasant emotions until they are gone.
It took me a long time not to think of my qualifier everyday.
I'm so so sorry you have had to go through this. Enjoy the times you have peace and surf those less pleasant emotions until they are gone.
It took me a long time not to think of my qualifier everyday.
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