But...he was SOBER!! (long post)
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Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 9
Hi Soulwars
That's a really tough situation. On one hand you have to protect yourself, and the other, your children. I don't have a lot of experience with stuff like this, but if it was me, I wouldn't go back. Like, if someone is sinking in quicksand, you don't jump into the quicksand to lift them out; you stay on solid ground and use a rope or something to pull them out. Your kids are pretty much adults (although your youngest may not legally be just yet, depending on the laws where you are) and can't be forced to live there by law if they don't want to. I would let my kids know that I care for them, and they can come to me if they need to leave. Of course, I don't know all of the details of your situation and that may not work. I hope a solution reveals itself that works in the best interest of you and your kids.
That's a really tough situation. On one hand you have to protect yourself, and the other, your children. I don't have a lot of experience with stuff like this, but if it was me, I wouldn't go back. Like, if someone is sinking in quicksand, you don't jump into the quicksand to lift them out; you stay on solid ground and use a rope or something to pull them out. Your kids are pretty much adults (although your youngest may not legally be just yet, depending on the laws where you are) and can't be forced to live there by law if they don't want to. I would let my kids know that I care for them, and they can come to me if they need to leave. Of course, I don't know all of the details of your situation and that may not work. I hope a solution reveals itself that works in the best interest of you and your kids.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
Snukums,
So many people come here thinking that if only their spouse would just stop drinking, then everything would be OK. That's not true. I think you saw that. There usually are underlying problems. Mine was I didn't know how to cope with things, I was in an abusive relationship, and this was alien to me. Everyone loved my ex and told me how lucky I was to be with him, but yet we would go home and he would just rage at me, and I would hide in the garage, and sleep in the car. I was afraid to be in the house with him, and I turned to alcohol to help me deal with things, or I guess I should say, just to numb myself. You're stronger then I was.
I had made plans to leave my ex back in 1999. I had no idea of what abuse was at that time, I just knew that I didn't like the way he treated me, and I didn't like the person that I was becoming.
Well, Hell had it's own plans for me. I was diagnosed with 2 cancers, breast and cervical, and also why not throw in some deep vein thrombosis.
My ex was an angel then. He took care of me. I had a year of treatment for all of that. Then one day out of the blue, we were just talking, having a good time, and he said to me, I see you recovered, and that you are the same b!tch that you always were. Wow, I couldn't see that coming and didn't know why he would say that. Thing is, that was the day the abuse started again, and it was worse then it ever was, and just increased. I was startled by this, because I thought things were going to be better because I thought he changed because he thought he was going to lose me.
I think that is why I said before that they can control it, if they want to. My ex told me that he had to look good to everyone because I was dying, but I guess I fooled him and I lived.
I could tell you more of my story, but I think what I want you to get out of this is they can control their abuse, they just don't want to. The stronger you get, the more abusive they will get, but they will "hoover" you, to try to get you back. Don't fall for the "hoover".
Also, I'm a redhead.
((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))
amy
So many people come here thinking that if only their spouse would just stop drinking, then everything would be OK. That's not true. I think you saw that. There usually are underlying problems. Mine was I didn't know how to cope with things, I was in an abusive relationship, and this was alien to me. Everyone loved my ex and told me how lucky I was to be with him, but yet we would go home and he would just rage at me, and I would hide in the garage, and sleep in the car. I was afraid to be in the house with him, and I turned to alcohol to help me deal with things, or I guess I should say, just to numb myself. You're stronger then I was.
I had made plans to leave my ex back in 1999. I had no idea of what abuse was at that time, I just knew that I didn't like the way he treated me, and I didn't like the person that I was becoming.
Well, Hell had it's own plans for me. I was diagnosed with 2 cancers, breast and cervical, and also why not throw in some deep vein thrombosis.
My ex was an angel then. He took care of me. I had a year of treatment for all of that. Then one day out of the blue, we were just talking, having a good time, and he said to me, I see you recovered, and that you are the same b!tch that you always were. Wow, I couldn't see that coming and didn't know why he would say that. Thing is, that was the day the abuse started again, and it was worse then it ever was, and just increased. I was startled by this, because I thought things were going to be better because I thought he changed because he thought he was going to lose me.
I think that is why I said before that they can control it, if they want to. My ex told me that he had to look good to everyone because I was dying, but I guess I fooled him and I lived.
I could tell you more of my story, but I think what I want you to get out of this is they can control their abuse, they just don't want to. The stronger you get, the more abusive they will get, but they will "hoover" you, to try to get you back. Don't fall for the "hoover".
Also, I'm a redhead.
((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))
amy
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