What to tell kids...
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Angrymarble....going cold turkey is extremely uncomfortable...both physuically and emotionally....and, can actually be dangerous as the pulse and blood pressure climbs...Many people can't tolerate not drinking during this painful time...
Would he consider seeing a private doctor for help (medication and monitoring)) to get through this very difficult period of time? It is m uch safer and way more humane.....
I have detoxed hundreds of alcoholics...so, I am speaking from experience.
I don't suggest ever throwing out the liquor of an actively drinking alcoholic. It can throw them into dangerous and painful withdrawl....and, in top of that...it will cause them to resent you as the "enemy" very much...even if they don't say it.....
If one doesn't want an alcoholic drinking in the home....it is better to ask them to drink elsewhere....
Becoming the liquor police will backfire on you....and get lots of undesired consequences...
Boundaries are for you....to protect you....not "rules" for the other person to live by.....
Would he consider seeing a private doctor for help (medication and monitoring)) to get through this very difficult period of time? It is m uch safer and way more humane.....
I have detoxed hundreds of alcoholics...so, I am speaking from experience.
I don't suggest ever throwing out the liquor of an actively drinking alcoholic. It can throw them into dangerous and painful withdrawl....and, in top of that...it will cause them to resent you as the "enemy" very much...even if they don't say it.....
If one doesn't want an alcoholic drinking in the home....it is better to ask them to drink elsewhere....
Becoming the liquor police will backfire on you....and get lots of undesired consequences...
Boundaries are for you....to protect you....not "rules" for the other person to live by.....
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 81
Originally Posted by dandylion 
Angrymarble....going cold turkey is extremely uncomfortable...both physuically and emotionally....and, can actually be dangerous as the pulse and blood pressure climbs...Many people can't tolerate not drinking during this painful time...
Would he consider seeing a private doctor for help (medication and monitoring)) to get through this very difficult period of time? It is m uch safer and way more humane.....
I have detoxed hundreds of alcoholics...so, I am speaking from experience.
I don't suggest ever throwing out the liquor of an actively drinking alcoholic. It can throw them into dangerous and painful withdrawl....and, in top of that...it will cause them to resent you as the "enemy" very much...even if they don't say it.....
If one doesn't want an alcoholic drinking in the home....it is better to ask them to drink elsewhere....
Becoming the liquor police will backfire on you....and get lots of undesired consequences...
Boundaries are for you....to protect you....not "rules" for the other person to live by.....
Would he consider seeing a private doctor for help (medication and monitoring)) to get through this very difficult period of time? It is m uch safer and way more humane.....
I have detoxed hundreds of alcoholics...so, I am speaking from experience.
I don't suggest ever throwing out the liquor of an actively drinking alcoholic. It can throw them into dangerous and painful withdrawl....and, in top of that...it will cause them to resent you as the "enemy" very much...even if they don't say it.....
If one doesn't want an alcoholic drinking in the home....it is better to ask them to drink elsewhere....
Becoming the liquor police will backfire on you....and get lots of undesired consequences...
Boundaries are for you....to protect you....not "rules" for the other person to live by.....
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 81
Originally Posted by Clover71
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Less responsibility for him with not caring for the 2 year old (we are parents, so we really don't "watch" our own kids ). I'm sending hugs to you. I promise I'm not picking on you, but the term "watch" just struck me in your post because I once thought that to myself and then thought - wait, he's not a babysitter, he's a parent. My kids are a bit older now so I don't have to worry as much. You and the kids carry on without him and have some Christmas fun
Less responsibility for him with not caring for the 2 year old (we are parents, so we really don't "watch" our own kids ). I'm sending hugs to you. I promise I'm not picking on you, but the term "watch" just struck me in your post because I once thought that to myself and then thought - wait, he's not a babysitter, he's a parent. My kids are a bit older now so I don't have to worry as much. You and the kids carry on without him and have some Christmas fun
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,417
Sorry you are dealing with this.
It's crazy-making for you because you won't be able to "control" him
and he will resent you trying.
I'm assuming he hid the wine? Expect more of that if he's home.
Mixing it with the drugs he's supposed to use for detox?
You are very wise not to trust him with the kids, but of course
that's simply wearing you out and giving him more free time
to do whatever it is he is doing to deal with the upset of his DUI.
It isn't fair, and I hope you get yourself some external support
this week as things are likely to get worse, not better.
Do you have a therapist or someone who can take the kids for a bit
to give you a break?
It's crazy-making for you because you won't be able to "control" him
and he will resent you trying.
I'm assuming he hid the wine? Expect more of that if he's home.
Mixing it with the drugs he's supposed to use for detox?
You are very wise not to trust him with the kids, but of course
that's simply wearing you out and giving him more free time
to do whatever it is he is doing to deal with the upset of his DUI.
It isn't fair, and I hope you get yourself some external support
this week as things are likely to get worse, not better.
Do you have a therapist or someone who can take the kids for a bit
to give you a break?
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Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 196
Your kids are 50% of both of you. That was the best advice that I got in DivorceCare as well as the class that they require couples to go to when they are going through a divorce and they have kids. It is like you have go be careful that you are not saying negative things about each other in front of your kids.
I agree that you should just say that their dad is not feeling well.
As well, when my son was 3 years old, he was telling me that I was angry at daddy while I was visiting my parents with my kids. I have learned that if I have to speak to other adults about my situation not in front of them but in private. My son is really attached to his father at the hip.
It is good that you are coming here for support.
I had help from the inlaws. They were helpful with helping me to take care of our kids. But to be honest, when it came to the divorce, this was their son so it did strain our relationship. It was a double edge sword. They would tell me that they understood why I needed to get the divorce. My husband and I both come from families whose parents have been married 40-50 years.
Recently we went to a Santa Brunch, and my son who is now 7 years old asked everyone "What is getting drunk. . . some reference to the Simpsons?" His father answered "Being stupid". I was proud that he stepped up and said that to our son. It is five years later. I let my husband know I appreciated what he said later in private.
I agree that you should just say that their dad is not feeling well.
As well, when my son was 3 years old, he was telling me that I was angry at daddy while I was visiting my parents with my kids. I have learned that if I have to speak to other adults about my situation not in front of them but in private. My son is really attached to his father at the hip.
It is good that you are coming here for support.
I had help from the inlaws. They were helpful with helping me to take care of our kids. But to be honest, when it came to the divorce, this was their son so it did strain our relationship. It was a double edge sword. They would tell me that they understood why I needed to get the divorce. My husband and I both come from families whose parents have been married 40-50 years.
Recently we went to a Santa Brunch, and my son who is now 7 years old asked everyone "What is getting drunk. . . some reference to the Simpsons?" His father answered "Being stupid". I was proud that he stepped up and said that to our son. It is five years later. I let my husband know I appreciated what he said later in private.
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