How do I "unworry" about A brother
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2017
Location: Dallas, Texas
Posts: 110
How do I "unworry" about A brother
I am a recovering A myself. It is a nasty disease that has permeated my family. My A brother has had multiple heart attacks, stents, triple bypass surgery and diabetes. He is well over 300 lbs. Drinks several tumblers of vodka nightly. Yes, tumblers. He is a dead man walking frankly. I try not to worry about him, but it is like asking the world not to turn. I live 1700 miles away, but I might as well live next door to him. I am struggling myself to stay sober. Worrying exacerbates things. How do you cope? I don't want to cut him off. In fact I am thinking of relocating to be near him and my nieces and nephews. Thanks for listening.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 141
Falling,
I have dealt with worry about my A family members with
1). Alanon - the program and its meetings and principles and literature help. Talking to a
trusted Alanon member helped.
2). Every day I practice (pray) "Let Go and Let God" with my super UNDER weight alcoholic sister. I just pray out loud, "OK God - Please take care of her because I certainly can't". If you don't believe in God, turn him over to the Universe.
3). Posting here at SR. (Good step you have already taken). Also read the literature provided here.
*************
BUT - most important, please take care of yourself and your sobriety FIRST!!!!!!
You won't be good for anyone if your own disease of alcoholism is active. (Meaning you go back to drinking).
Good luck and I am sending best wishes and said a little prayer for ya'.
I have dealt with worry about my A family members with
1). Alanon - the program and its meetings and principles and literature help. Talking to a
trusted Alanon member helped.
2). Every day I practice (pray) "Let Go and Let God" with my super UNDER weight alcoholic sister. I just pray out loud, "OK God - Please take care of her because I certainly can't". If you don't believe in God, turn him over to the Universe.
3). Posting here at SR. (Good step you have already taken). Also read the literature provided here.
*************
BUT - most important, please take care of yourself and your sobriety FIRST!!!!!!
You won't be good for anyone if your own disease of alcoholism is active. (Meaning you go back to drinking).
Good luck and I am sending best wishes and said a little prayer for ya'.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
Hi, Fallng.
Welcome.
I, too, am in recovery and I have an alcohol addicted sib as well.
I see him often as he lives with my mother, for whom I care.
Al-Anon has helped me with some of the anger and resentment I have, but that never really goes away for me.
I say, “not my circus, not my monkeys” A LOT with regard to him and his shenanigans.
Good luck.
Peace.
Welcome.
I, too, am in recovery and I have an alcohol addicted sib as well.
I see him often as he lives with my mother, for whom I care.
Al-Anon has helped me with some of the anger and resentment I have, but that never really goes away for me.
I say, “not my circus, not my monkeys” A LOT with regard to him and his shenanigans.
Good luck.
Peace.
I could see peace instead of this
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Canada, eh
Posts: 2,360
I've lived with alcoholic partners and did not help them at all with my attempts to fix them. One eventually did die after I left, but I had come to realize that I could not save him and that I had to let him go. It wasn't up to me.
I am a recovering alcoholic myself and had a 4 and a half year relapse after decades of sobriety.
My sister, who lives 8 hours away, helped pull me out of it in a sense by just loving me. She didn't judge, didn't butt in, didn't nag, didn't try to help. She would listen to me, and happily talk to me when I wasn't drinking, but only to a point. If I was phoning her drunk, she would kindly end the phone call.
She let me know clearly that no matter what, she would always love me. I think somehow that helped me more than anything else to come to the point where enough was enough and I became ready to stop the madness.
I am a recovering alcoholic myself and had a 4 and a half year relapse after decades of sobriety.
My sister, who lives 8 hours away, helped pull me out of it in a sense by just loving me. She didn't judge, didn't butt in, didn't nag, didn't try to help. She would listen to me, and happily talk to me when I wasn't drinking, but only to a point. If I was phoning her drunk, she would kindly end the phone call.
She let me know clearly that no matter what, she would always love me. I think somehow that helped me more than anything else to come to the point where enough was enough and I became ready to stop the madness.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
I think worry can become another addiction in itself. Al-anon can help or maybe AA and get with a sponsor who can help you put the focus back on yourself and help you accept that your brothers choices are his and as much as it may hurt you, you can’t change them or him at the risk of losing yourself.
I personally would not uproot my life or put my emotional life in jeopardy due to someone else’s drinking. IF you feel you are struggling with your own sobriety then that is where you must focus and reach out for help yourself.
I personally would not uproot my life or put my emotional life in jeopardy due to someone else’s drinking. IF you feel you are struggling with your own sobriety then that is where you must focus and reach out for help yourself.
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