Questions about proving your husband is an alcoholic.
 

I would say most people know my husband drinks, but I doubt few would say or know he is an alcoholic. He has never been in any trouble from drinking. Never missed work. No red flags. He drinks the 3 nights he is off to the point of passing out. I wonder if I do file for divorce how do I prove he has a drinking problem? Other than showing how much money he spends on alcohol I have no other "proof." Our children are under 5, and I just can't imagine them staying with him while he is drunk. Our state favors joint custody too which causes me so much worry.

Hmm, that's a pretty big bright red flag waving right there, if you ask me.


Start keeping a detailed journal. Check to see if this is legal in your jurisdiction first, and if it is, record him with your cell phone when he's at the point of passing out.

Addiction is progressive. It will get worse. Start protecting yourself now.

Video. It's very hard to dispute. Actively drinking, passing out, and any and all behavior that feels threatening.

This is a problem in a lot of states. Here in my state, it's a no fault divorce state and it seems to take a true act of destructive behavior to protect our kids. If it's a serious concern to you, I'd consult with a lawyer before you videotape someone or record them, etc. It may not be admissible in court depending on state laws.

You need to know your state's laws and how they protect children. My state, too, also favors joint custody and I wound up staying in a dysfunctional marriage because I didn't know how to protect my son. I can't go back and undo what I did, but I often wish I had known the laws and what I actually could or couldn't do instead of thinking that staying was my only answer.

Hi Chev - So sorry you're here, but many of us have been exactly where you are. Have a consult with an attorney. Many will consult for free. In my state, it's fine to take photos and video and so I documented all of the bottles I found around the house and my XAH passed out in the middle of the day next to a bottle of vodka. I also kept a journal of everything, which days he drank, how much (if I knew), specific behaviors and I wrote down major events from the past where I could remember the date or approximate date. Also documented any witnesses to his behavior.

All states in the US now have no fault divorce, but I don't know if the OP is in the states, or if she is looking toward boundaries for custody and visitation.

Sounds like a question for a lawyer.

When I mentioned that my husband is a alcoholic to one lawyer she suggested a app called soberlink (I think?). It’s used in custody cases. It uses facial recognition and works like a breathalyzer. So potentially I could have it in the custody agreement that he blows into it before, during and after visitation.

I would be mindful of taking pictures/videos too. I think it’s a good idea but my ah saw pictures I took of the downstairs fridge with 10-20 massive size Windsor bottles. The pictures went to our combined photo sharing app. He flipped after seeing the pictures. So just make sure he doesn’t see or have access to the video(s).

Honestly your best bet it to go to a lawyer. One that has history dealing with a alcoholic ex would be best obviously!