Dforth1155

I usually never post but I’m hurting so bad. And trying to deal with hurt. Me and my ex of 5 years just broke up about 2 months ago. Once before too. I’m 29 she’s 27. We met when I was 22. And did the partying thing together. Went our separate ways for awhile. Would hook up and then not talk or we’d argue and lose contact. I met somebody..... had a child and when we broke up. My recent ex was there. We started dating and she wasn’t drinking because she was on probation for flipping a car while drinking. I was drinking. When we met and continued to do so. Prolly more than I should have but Was with me through custody and all that. Things would be great and then when she went off probation and had her freedom to drink it things got bad. She would drink everyday but when she did. It was blackouts, she lost her car one night. she cheated on me twice, we got in arguments. And if I hadn’t been drinking with her we might not have had so many fights. When she was sober it was great we got along had fun. She was like a mother to my son. This is really long so I guess I’ll cut to the end cuz that was pretty much the cycle. Usually she blamed me for her drinking. Or things about my job or my son stressed out. When we broke up before i begged and pleaded for another chance. Somehow through all this the blame was almost entirely placed on me. Which I can accept some blame for my role in this. It takes 2 to dance. Fast forward to 2 months ago. I hadn’t been drinking very much. She had been going out every Saturday and Friday with her gf not coming in til midnight. On a Friday she started drinking at noon and by 7 she was totally drunk stumbling in. And in front of my son says I’m done. And proceeds to blame me for everything. And tells my son we’re not a family. We leave and I try to talk to her a couple times in the next days. She won’t listen. Says her drinking is under control and I was the one out of control. And that she loves me and cares but we need to call it quits. I leave her alone. A few weeks go by and she text saying she needs closure. I say no we end up talking and agree to meet. She admitted she had slept with someone trying to move on. It had been right at a month separated. I’m that month I totally cut out all my drinking and dieted and lost about 40 pounds. So when she seen me she was taken back. Cried and said she wanted to try and that she loved me. Then she’d go out drinking again stand me up when we were supposed to do something and say idk what I want or if I wanna date again. She did that to me a couple times and I just left her alone and tried to move on. Thought we were civil. Went on a couple dates with someone new and slept with someone else. And I felt guilty about it.this Friday I went out to my shop to get something and there is a coat and some other belongings of mine thrown out in the driveway. I tried to let it go and ignore everything but I ended texting and asking about the stuff and told her how guilty I was about what I did and how I still loved her and cared about her. I felt Saturday. She blew up on me and told me move on. Is this normal alcoholic behavior and is it crazy that I still love this person.

Dforth1155

Also when I asked about the stuff in the driveway she said she was indifferent and didn’t care. If that was the case why not just put the stuff In the trash or civilly get it to me. When she’s the one that broke up and wanted her space. We’ve been through a lot of things together in 5 years and there are a million goods to go with the bad. I just don’t understand any of this. I feel foolish for still loving this women.

Challenger2013

It sounds like you need to focus on your sobriety and your son.
Overall it sounds like a toxic relationship.
Get your house in order, then see how she’s doing. And if she is still actively addicted, run away fast.
My STBXAW plays the “Family Card” all the time. She will tell me about all the wonderful things she did for my daughters from my first marriage, but conveniently leaves out the fights over them and with them.

doggonecarl

I understand your pain and confusion. However, reading just the details you've provided, I'd say count your blessings that she's gone. Alcoholism is progressive, and as bad as your post reads, things will only get worse.

AnvilheadII

it isn't JUST the drinking, altho that in and of itself sounds a like train on a downhill run with no brakes. there is also a lack of respect and decency, making painful comments in front of your very young son, and sleeping around. those are irrefutable FACTS. facts alone are not painful......the pain comes from resisting them and wanting another reality.

you and your son deserve peace and sanity, not chaos and upheaval. IMHO, every relationship is allowed one breakup early on...it's part of the getting to know you, not sure i want to, but i can't decide phase. but repeated break ups become a pattern, a very unhealthy pattern of Come Here, Go Away, Now you see me, Now you don't. and it no longer serves a useful purpose.

teatreeoil007

^^^^this

As usual, Anvilhead nails it!

teatreeoil007

Sorry for what's brought you here and welcome to SR. I know you're hurting right now, but at least you do have some facts laid out before you. Her drinking, your drinking, her sleeping around, saying things in front of your son that aren't good, telling you to go away, repeated break-ups. This has been a relationship of turmoil. Do you not want some peace in your life? I'm guessing so. Do you know what peace feels like? If she is in your life, I'm afraid you wouldn't taste peace. You will heal from this. You will. As far as her blaming you: try to let that one roll off....addicts are masters at shifting blame.

Dforth1155

Thanks for the all the replies. It kinda puts it in perspective. It really is tough. I’m not the type of guy to just give up easy on someone When things get tough. But usually I get jerked around by a woman I get it out of my system. This ones hurting pretty good still for some reason. The saying one thing and acting differently is just throwing me off still. If your indifferent why throw stuff. Part of me cares deeply about her and would love to see things work out but the bigger part of me is starting to say cut and run. Do ppl like that ever really change?

Dforth1155

And I can say I’ve drank excessive at times. But Ive always been the one when I’m seriously at fault I’ll own it. Yeah we had fights that shouldn’t have happened. Not just drinking involved. That were my fault. Or I worked excessive hours. Or wouldn’t always listen. But I never cheated. Never broke it off.

Challenger2013

Dforth, there’s a difference between tough times and impossible, unbearable situations.
Just going from what you wrote, she has a severe addiction and all of the assorted issues that go along with it.

It shouldn’t be about you and her, it needs to be about you and your son. My soon to be ex must have spoken with her lawyer and he convinced her that no judge on Earth would let her be the Primary Residential Parent (that’s what it’s called in my state). And she knows that she will be lucky to get 50/50 custody.

Just ask yourself one simple question. Do you trust her to be alone with your son when you know she’s drinking?

Dforth1155

That’s the thing when I’ve had my son and had to work whatever. She did excellent with him. Picking him up from daycare or taking him to do stuff. Never got drunk while she was looking after him. But say she had watched him while I worked on a Saturday. It was almost guaranteed after we put him to bed that’d she’d go out with her friends.

Dforth1155

I have moments where I can totally see how bad it was. Then other times I lose sight of the bad and think of the good.

Challenger2013

I can tell you from experience, as her disease progresses, she could begin drinking around him. My STBXAW has driving under the influence with our son numerous times, including a DUI and accident, it’s just that I found out about it after the fact. That’s why I’m getting my son out of there as much, and as soon, as I can.

I hope your luck is better.