AH died and struggling with grief and guilt
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,792
I am so sorry that the man you loved with all your heart, had this terrible disease. Us codies can't comprehend drinking ourselves to death, but every one of us on this forum fears this daily. Self care is what you need to do. We all get it, Sending virtual hugs!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 7
Originally Posted by velma929 
So sorry for your loss. I am also a widow. PM me for additional resources for widows if you want them.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 7
Originally Posted by ChloeRose63
So sorry for your loss. Don't know what else to say except your post broke my heart and burst me into tears. Sending prayers.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I am so sorry for your loss, Butterflyaway. It`s hard to grieve the loss of a relationship when they are still living. Now that he is at peace, maybe some time soon, embrace the good memories you have, grieve them and let go of the damage alcohol did to him, to you and to your relationship.
Keeping you in my prayers. Take time to heal and nurture yourself.
Hugs
Keeping you in my prayers. Take time to heal and nurture yourself.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
I'm so sorry.
My heart feels heavy and sad for you.
I am sure it won't be any consolation at the moment, but you won't feel like this forever.
I think with grief and my experience it consumes us all day, every day at first.
I remember waking up in the morning and it was the first thought I had.
I remember tears and regrets, questioning myself with 'did I do all I could?'
It was constant in the early days and weeks.
It hurt to remember some days.
However.........it did get less and less as time moved on.
Gradually the thoughts became less painful and less intense.
It was not the first thing that hit me every morning.
Thats not to say I cared or loved any less, but I did start to move forward.
I know for me the grieving process with an alcohol related death was different to other deaths I had experienced.
With the alcohol death I experienced more anger and less sympathy on my part - but that was how I felt. I would hate you to be offended by me saying that and linking it to your feelings. I just wanted to share how I felt with you.
Have you thought about grief counselling or maybe going to Al Anon to help you with how you feel?
Might be something to consider?
I really do wish you the best xx
My heart feels heavy and sad for you.
I am sure it won't be any consolation at the moment, but you won't feel like this forever.
I think with grief and my experience it consumes us all day, every day at first.
I remember waking up in the morning and it was the first thought I had.
I remember tears and regrets, questioning myself with 'did I do all I could?'
It was constant in the early days and weeks.
It hurt to remember some days.
However.........it did get less and less as time moved on.
Gradually the thoughts became less painful and less intense.
It was not the first thing that hit me every morning.
Thats not to say I cared or loved any less, but I did start to move forward.
I know for me the grieving process with an alcohol related death was different to other deaths I had experienced.
With the alcohol death I experienced more anger and less sympathy on my part - but that was how I felt. I would hate you to be offended by me saying that and linking it to your feelings. I just wanted to share how I felt with you.
Have you thought about grief counselling or maybe going to Al Anon to help you with how you feel?
Might be something to consider?
I really do wish you the best xx
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 7
I don't know why I decided to torture myself but I decided to watch our wedding video tonight. He lied about so much that I had doubts about his love for me being real. All I saw was two happy people deeply in love. Why couldn't that have been enough?
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
hi Butterflyaway, I'm sorry for your loss and the tragedy of alcoholism in your family. Some get free of it, others don't seem able to.
Can I suggest that when you're ready you talk this over with a counsellor? A few sessions to express how you feel and come to terms with his end could be so helpful in allowing you to move on with your life.
Can I suggest that when you're ready you talk this over with a counsellor? A few sessions to express how you feel and come to terms with his end could be so helpful in allowing you to move on with your life.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 48
I think what is really hurting you is the Jekyll and Hyde nature of the addict.
Yes they do have the good side that we love but that other side is there and is the opposite. It is a sad, confusing, unpredictable, hurtful reality and completely out of our control. There are many of us out there who understand and our hearts go out to you and each other.
Yes they do have the good side that we love but that other side is there and is the opposite. It is a sad, confusing, unpredictable, hurtful reality and completely out of our control. There are many of us out there who understand and our hearts go out to you and each other.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 7
Originally Posted by Sasha4
.
Thats not to say I cared or loved any less, but I did start to move forward.
I know for me the grieving process with an alcohol related death was different to other deaths I had experienced.
With the alcohol death I experienced more anger and less sympathy on my part - but that was how I felt. I would hate you to be offended by me saying that and linking it to your feelings. I just wanted to share how I felt with you.
Thats not to say I cared or loved any less, but I did start to move forward.
I know for me the grieving process with an alcohol related death was different to other deaths I had experienced.
With the alcohol death I experienced more anger and less sympathy on my part - but that was how I felt. I would hate you to be offended by me saying that and linking it to your feelings. I just wanted to share how I felt with you.
AH's sister in law asked if I was angry. My life had settled back down and having success at work, enjoying vacations, etc. and then he breaks it all wide open. I'm open to anger but just still feel profound sadness. His brother, who is having to deal with their mom and much of the fallout definitely feels the anger.
It's all fresh but if I get stuck in this, I will seek help. Posting here has been helpful as you all see it in a way nobody else can.
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