It seems like the "home from rehab" threads are few and far between, so here's one
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Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 60
It seems like the "home from rehab" threads are few and far between, so here's one
My husband finished rehab the day before Thanksgiving. I flew out to him on Thanksgiving day and we spent the next 5 days exploring the state, which was on MY bucket list. I made it pretty clear that it was primarily my trip and he was invited. Then he turned into my driver so it all worked out great 
. As a side note, the original plan was to surprise him but they had to discharge him and sign out his meds to him, etc etc so it turned out not to be possible. Instead, I told him about a week before Thanksgiving to give him the gift of anticipation, and that turned out to be great. He said that another guy who lived thousands of miles away from the treatment center finished treatment and his wife flew out so they could go do some stuff in the state where the center was, and he was so jealous. But he never said a word to me because I am afraid to fly and he didn't want me to feel bad. The flying part was pretty awful but it's done and it was worth it.
We flew home the Tuesday after Thanksgiving and so have been home 8 or 9 days now. We both went back to work Monday and he has been enrolled in a 4 night per week intensive outpatient program (IOP) here locally that is keeping him very busy, especially when meetings and his job are added to the mix. He also had a Skype session with his therapist today and that was lovely. He tried to give me the laptop and referred to me as the boss so I could report how he was doing but the therapist and I both rejected that--it was clear I didn't want to be in that role and she sure didn't want to hear it from me anyway so we were both in sync on that one. "I thought we decided we were going to work on you being a partner and not put your wife in the role of parent anymore." HA. I yelled "Thank you!" and she laughed pretty hard. It was all a good thing, though, and he got it right away.
So he is at his IOP right now, which he doesn't really like. He said I sent him to the cadillac of places and this one doesn't measure up. I'm sure it's just fine; it's accredited and the best in the area. It's just not the one he lived at for 2 months. The therapist talked to him about that and said to try to go to 2 nights a week because he has so much on his plate but she would like him to finish it out if possible (she said earlier if it was too much to do just 30 days because the meetings and step work are more important).
Anyway, so we have talked a lot and he wants to help ease my load because things have been pretty rough lately. He was super tired and busy for a few days and I told him what I was observing, not in an accusing way but just as an observation and then "let's try to figure out why it's like that" way. He is worried about me being too stressed out, and I am stressed out because I am in school and work full time and the Christmas I was trying to skip out on this year even before the stuff went down with my husband has turned into a clear and present situation that I have to deal with, which means another heap on my plate or deal with the consequences. So we talked about that and I told him how he could help me with it, and I think that is what we are going to do.
He is very gung ho about meetings, very grateful that I attend an Al Anon meeting and also therapy, and so far everything has been going pretty well except that he has had contact with the one friend he had (he works with him) who he used with. I have talked about how I feel about that with him and explained myself, and he has been open about all the contacts--he took him to an AA meeting and gave him the list of meetings. That part seems OK and is not my deal anyway, but the coworker has a tendency to try to suck him into his ridiculous drama and I don't want that in my life or even my life by extension, because one time *I* got sucked into it unwittingly and at the end of it I found myself in a possibly dangerous situation that involved me knocking on a door at the same time the coworker was saying "They have a gun." Anyway, we have talked about that a lot and I told him that my anxiety about that issue is my problem to deal with but that he needs to understand that it is a concern of mine and then I need to leave it alone, which I hopefully will do at this point. Fortunately he works an opposite schedule from the coworker so contact should be minimal. I guess time will tell.
Al Anon meetings are getting better. I still don't relate to a lot of it, but some (the control person part) I do so that's the part I take. My therapist told me, when I was describing a different situation with another family member, that I have strong boundaries and do not have a problem with them, so I guess that's good. I honestly would not have known that until she told me but it makes sense based on what I told her and when I thought about it I realized that sounds right. Yay. At least there is one thing I do in all of this that is good.
So I try to just think about the day ahead of me and maybe a little bit beyond that because for heaven's sake I have to PLAN things but for right now I am in a relatively good spot. I am having some anxiety issues but they are mainly situational right now, so I am trying to do the things that will help ameliorate them (Christmas plans I really can't get out of at this point and school assignments).
On that note, time to finish a paper. I will try to update from time to time so people who search for "life after rehab" stories can find this.
. As a side note, the original plan was to surprise him but they had to discharge him and sign out his meds to him, etc etc so it turned out not to be possible. Instead, I told him about a week before Thanksgiving to give him the gift of anticipation, and that turned out to be great. He said that another guy who lived thousands of miles away from the treatment center finished treatment and his wife flew out so they could go do some stuff in the state where the center was, and he was so jealous. But he never said a word to me because I am afraid to fly and he didn't want me to feel bad. The flying part was pretty awful but it's done and it was worth it.We flew home the Tuesday after Thanksgiving and so have been home 8 or 9 days now. We both went back to work Monday and he has been enrolled in a 4 night per week intensive outpatient program (IOP) here locally that is keeping him very busy, especially when meetings and his job are added to the mix. He also had a Skype session with his therapist today and that was lovely. He tried to give me the laptop and referred to me as the boss so I could report how he was doing but the therapist and I both rejected that--it was clear I didn't want to be in that role and she sure didn't want to hear it from me anyway so we were both in sync on that one. "I thought we decided we were going to work on you being a partner and not put your wife in the role of parent anymore." HA. I yelled "Thank you!" and she laughed pretty hard. It was all a good thing, though, and he got it right away.
So he is at his IOP right now, which he doesn't really like. He said I sent him to the cadillac of places and this one doesn't measure up. I'm sure it's just fine; it's accredited and the best in the area. It's just not the one he lived at for 2 months. The therapist talked to him about that and said to try to go to 2 nights a week because he has so much on his plate but she would like him to finish it out if possible (she said earlier if it was too much to do just 30 days because the meetings and step work are more important).
Anyway, so we have talked a lot and he wants to help ease my load because things have been pretty rough lately. He was super tired and busy for a few days and I told him what I was observing, not in an accusing way but just as an observation and then "let's try to figure out why it's like that" way. He is worried about me being too stressed out, and I am stressed out because I am in school and work full time and the Christmas I was trying to skip out on this year even before the stuff went down with my husband has turned into a clear and present situation that I have to deal with, which means another heap on my plate or deal with the consequences. So we talked about that and I told him how he could help me with it, and I think that is what we are going to do.
He is very gung ho about meetings, very grateful that I attend an Al Anon meeting and also therapy, and so far everything has been going pretty well except that he has had contact with the one friend he had (he works with him) who he used with. I have talked about how I feel about that with him and explained myself, and he has been open about all the contacts--he took him to an AA meeting and gave him the list of meetings. That part seems OK and is not my deal anyway, but the coworker has a tendency to try to suck him into his ridiculous drama and I don't want that in my life or even my life by extension, because one time *I* got sucked into it unwittingly and at the end of it I found myself in a possibly dangerous situation that involved me knocking on a door at the same time the coworker was saying "They have a gun." Anyway, we have talked about that a lot and I told him that my anxiety about that issue is my problem to deal with but that he needs to understand that it is a concern of mine and then I need to leave it alone, which I hopefully will do at this point. Fortunately he works an opposite schedule from the coworker so contact should be minimal. I guess time will tell.
Al Anon meetings are getting better. I still don't relate to a lot of it, but some (the control person part) I do so that's the part I take. My therapist told me, when I was describing a different situation with another family member, that I have strong boundaries and do not have a problem with them, so I guess that's good. I honestly would not have known that until she told me but it makes sense based on what I told her and when I thought about it I realized that sounds right. Yay. At least there is one thing I do in all of this that is good.
So I try to just think about the day ahead of me and maybe a little bit beyond that because for heaven's sake I have to PLAN things
but for right now I am in a relatively good spot. I am having some anxiety issues but they are mainly situational right now, so I am trying to do the things that will help ameliorate them (Christmas plans I really can't get out of at this point and school assignments). On that note, time to finish a paper. I will try to update from time to time so people who search for "life after rehab" stories can find this.
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Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
I got two degrees going to school part time, notapeach, and I remember well the December end of semester finish line.
Uck.
We were never big Christmas types, but I was a teacher and I got a long winter break, so we usually travelled, most often to Europe.
Pressure of another types, but, really, a nice problem to have.
I guess the only advice I would offer, (and of course, feel free to take or leave) is to do your best for school and work, as that will pay dividends down the road, hopefully, and try not to get sucked into the black hole of the bestest holiday evah.
I am glad that things are going well for you and your spouse.
Sounds like you are both doing your best to communicate.
Peace.
Uck.
We were never big Christmas types, but I was a teacher and I got a long winter break, so we usually travelled, most often to Europe.
Pressure of another types, but, really, a nice problem to have.
I guess the only advice I would offer, (and of course, feel free to take or leave) is to do your best for school and work, as that will pay dividends down the road, hopefully, and try not to get sucked into the black hole of the bestest holiday evah.
I am glad that things are going well for you and your spouse.
Sounds like you are both doing your best to communicate.
Peace.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 415
It IS very good to read a good story about life after rehab. My AH is not in rehab at this point but has appointment next week to start outpatient.
He is still not taking accountability for anything and therefore I am still angry.
I still feeldistanced from him as he has AA meetings four nights a week. And is working on himself; so I as a result still feel very lonely.
I am attending al anon as well and that is helping.
Hopefully both my husband and I come out the end of this happier, whether that is together or separate.
Again! Good to see a glimmer of hope!
Have a very merry holiday season!
He is still not taking accountability for anything and therefore I am still angry.
I still feeldistanced from him as he has AA meetings four nights a week. And is working on himself; so I as a result still feel very lonely.
I am attending al anon as well and that is helping.
Hopefully both my husband and I come out the end of this happier, whether that is together or separate.
Again! Good to see a glimmer of hope!
Have a very merry holiday season!
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,281
Wishing you the best of luck and the best of Recovery! 
My husband has been to two different rehab inpatient programs, one mental health rehab, in and out of sobriety... doing better, yet never the complete change of outlook that I've seen in those with solid active recovery.
It's a journey. Mine is going well. His is currently looking up again. Two paths that aren't meant to follow the same route.
Things that help me...
Take things one day at a time. Prioritize having fun, keeping things light and bright, dropping things that don't need to be done. In other words, as we prioritize our recovery from this family disease of alcoholism, the rest will fall into place.
My husband has been to two different rehab inpatient programs, one mental health rehab, in and out of sobriety... doing better, yet never the complete change of outlook that I've seen in those with solid active recovery.
It's a journey. Mine is going well. His is currently looking up again. Two paths that aren't meant to follow the same route.
Things that help me...
Take things one day at a time. Prioritize having fun, keeping things light and bright, dropping things that don't need to be done. In other words, as we prioritize our recovery from this family disease of alcoholism, the rest will fall into place.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
Wonderful to read your post. One of the hardest things I had to learn was letting go of expectations and taking the focus off the other person and dealing with my own character defects. Bless you in your process.
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