It's hard doing the right thing
 

I am somewhat of an SR veteran and have 2.5 years of sobriety currently. I got emotionally involved in another member's struggles and helped her to regain sobriety for a spell. This is/was strictly a long distance relationship that eventually moved from SR into a 24/7 ongoing texting drama between us. She unfortunately relapsed, without telling me for several weeks, and began to say things to me that weakened and made me question my sobriety. Things along the line of "relapse is part of recovery in AA, and relapse makes you stronger." I found myself climbing the relapse ladder and having my AV running free through my head just as in the first few months.

Thanks to the advice of others here on SR, I decided that I had to cut this relationship off totally for the time being. I feel guilty as all heck abandoning someone whom is struggling hard and lacks a strong support system. But, in the end, I have to do everything I can to stay sober. I don't know if I have another recovery left in me.

I was in a meeting the other day, and someone used the analogy of a plane about to crash. They said, "Reach for your oxygen mask first!"

I am slowly rebounding and doing things to bolster my recovery. I just feel horrible walking away from someone I care about and, though in denial, is in great need.

Thanks for listening!

Hi stargazer. Glad you field tripped over to us!

The thing is, you are not abandoning her. She has AA, and SR. There are people here to support her, all the time, 24/7.

The thing about recovery is that you have to want it yourself, and be willing to work for it, daily. If she wants that, she will recover. If not, it's likely she will not.

The analogy you said about the mask is correct, one I have used myself. The best thing you can do for yourself, or anyone else, is to stay sober.

Wishing you all the best!

I believe you have absolutely done the right thing for your recovery.
Very best wishes.

Good work in protecting your quit. We are all responsible for our own quits. You for yours, me for mine, her for hers.

You are not abandoning her. All best wishes to you.

It takes two to drama, SG.

I would let her go with love, and she'll find her way. Just pray for her and protect yourself.

Sometimes things get out of control quickly with addicts. I know when I was using I was highly emotional and seriously self-focused. Everything was about me. I believe you just got dragged in further than was comfortable for you and you've pulled out. I think that's healthy.

I'm very glad you put your sobriety first. I'm sober 26 years and have seen countless people go out over relationships; most don't get back in. I had the worst relationship of my life with an other recovering alcoholic (who didn't go to meetings or have a program) and to this day would never date another recovering alcoholic. It's true what they say in the rooms: "having a relationship is like pouring Miracle Grow on your character defects." Big hug.

Thank you for this. I wrote this down. I find this to be true, even with non-addicted people I know.

Good for you Stargazer! That took a tremendous amount of courage and strength!

Do the next right thing and take care of yourself!

:D