Scared but determined
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
hi Scary, you should do what you feel is best for your long term welfare and happiness. By all means plan what you can, and store it away until you're ready.
If you do move on, I hope you'll still maintain friendships with your step-children who probably love you for yourself, not the fact you're married to their father. It can and does happen.
If you do move on, I hope you'll still maintain friendships with your step-children who probably love you for yourself, not the fact you're married to their father. It can and does happen.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 415
Thank you FeelingGreat!
That is one of my greatest fears is that I will lose my children-they are all adults now and I have three grand babies. It would devastate me if I lost them.
I am having a particularly bad day today. I am just so sad, angry that I am having a hard time getting past it.
So I am looking for encouragement by reading on this forum, and went to an al anon meeting last night. I was feeling so great after the meetings over the weekend then the one last night the lead was very disorganized and I had a really hard time with that. There was also a gentleman there working both programs that had been sober for 20 years and just recently relapsed. Thinking back on that this morning and I think that really really scared me...like I could say, yep, let’s make a go of this just to see him relapse down the road. I don’t think I could recover from a relapse after going through all of this self discovery and his recovery (which he is just as selfish as his drunk self) just to have it all go down the toilet. Then he could “never” relapse and it would be all with it? I am getting too far ahead of myself I fear (again) and need to get back to one day at a time...
That is one of my greatest fears is that I will lose my children-they are all adults now and I have three grand babies. It would devastate me if I lost them.
I am having a particularly bad day today. I am just so sad, angry that I am having a hard time getting past it.
So I am looking for encouragement by reading on this forum, and went to an al anon meeting last night. I was feeling so great after the meetings over the weekend then the one last night the lead was very disorganized and I had a really hard time with that. There was also a gentleman there working both programs that had been sober for 20 years and just recently relapsed. Thinking back on that this morning and I think that really really scared me...like I could say, yep, let’s make a go of this just to see him relapse down the road. I don’t think I could recover from a relapse after going through all of this self discovery and his recovery (which he is just as selfish as his drunk self) just to have it all go down the toilet. Then he could “never” relapse and it would be all with it? I am getting too far ahead of myself I fear (again) and need to get back to one day at a time...
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Living one day at a time is so very hard. The hardest thing I've ever had to grasp. I know that is why I will never ever be able to be with someone again, even if they are in recovery. The realization that relapse could be in their future is too much for me to handle personally. I don't know that this is a good attitude as it's not living in the moment, but it is what it is for me.
I have children that still have visitation with my XAH. The anxiety is still very real, but I have learned not to let it ruin my time with my children when they are with me, safe and sound. And not to let it ruin important holidays. There are bad days here and there. Yesterday was a really bad one for me. However, I am fine today. I had to just ride the wave, get support, and keep moving forward.
I send you huge hugs and lots of peace and calm.
I have children that still have visitation with my XAH. The anxiety is still very real, but I have learned not to let it ruin my time with my children when they are with me, safe and sound. And not to let it ruin important holidays. There are bad days here and there. Yesterday was a really bad one for me. However, I am fine today. I had to just ride the wave, get support, and keep moving forward.
I send you huge hugs and lots of peace and calm.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 415
Thank you hopeful4
I just had such a good weekend and thought I could just keep moving forward then I had a vertigo attack last night and I am still off balance this morning and SO emotional that I just keep crying and “thinking” too much maybe.
Ugh! I don’t want to feel like this and am going to get my thoughts on moving forward...lord knows I don’t want to go back. Thanks again!
I just had such a good weekend and thought I could just keep moving forward then I had a vertigo attack last night and I am still off balance this morning and SO emotional that I just keep crying and “thinking” too much maybe.
Ugh! I don’t want to feel like this and am going to get my thoughts on moving forward...lord knows I don’t want to go back. Thanks again!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 497
So sorry you are going through this. I fully understand the overthinking part. I actually had to go on meds to help me with that (anxiety and depression ) At some point, I made a list of my wants and needs and that sometimes helps clarity what I can live with a what I can't. (I.e., do I want to stay even if he does quit)
Someone brought up a good point at my meeting yesterday. I guess it's something the use in AA. It's something like living for the next good thing or for your next good decision and also not forgetting the things that we do have to be grateful for
Someone brought up a good point at my meeting yesterday. I guess it's something the use in AA. It's something like living for the next good thing or for your next good decision and also not forgetting the things that we do have to be grateful for
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
Originally Posted by ScaryTime 
Thinking back on that this morning and I think that really really scared me...like I could say, yep, let’s make a go of this just to see him relapse down the road. I don’t think I could recover from a relapse after going through all of this self discovery and his recovery (which he is just as selfish as his drunk self) just to have it all go down the toilet. Then he could “never” relapse and it would be all with it? I am getting too far ahead of myself I fear (again) and need to get back to one day at a time...
When I think of things through that Big Picture Perspective, it seems like an insane waste of time to focus on anything BUT me, myself & I. I had no more control over his potential to relapse as I did a plane falling out of the sky - was I spending my days worrying about it or living my life?
This thread was monumental for me:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...rol-scary.html (What can you control? Letting go of control is scary.)
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