maia1234

Hon,
There is always hope for "us", them I cant say. Education is what you need now. Reading all over this forum, hitting support meetings, seeing a therapist. The issue is, we need to open up "our" can of worms on why we accept unacceptable behavior. We need to work on what we have contributed to this dysfunctional relationship. It is hard work, but so worth it.

I stuck it out for 34 years with my addict, thinking that it would get better, and that I wasn't going to divorce him, that he is not like all the other addicts on this forum. I was wrong. They are all the same. They want what they want when they want it. Doesn't matter about you, or the kids or anyone else.

You look at your life with someone who can't hold a job, is self centered,a drunk, and who is mean.... blah, blah blah, and we stay why? Hes a great catch? Hes a great husband? He's a great provider? You don't want to break up this amazing family? You love him? Ugh!! Just why??

You have some big decisions over the next years to make. Learn what you are up against. Be educated on how you and your boys lives will be in the future. That is the best thing that you can do for yourself.

rae145

Ditto to what Maia wrote. I stayed 32 yrs. Dont do it

honeypig

Dani, this may sound harsh, but right now, he has given you no reason to believe that any kind of recovery is even on the horizon. Recovery is indeed a long road, but right now, he's barreling full speed ahead down the alcoholism highway and hasn't even begun to look for the sobriety off-ramp.

You say he doesn't admit or accept that he is an alcoholic, and it sure sounds like that's true. Unfortunately, you will have some admitting and accepting of your own to do here, namely that unless and until he himself sees a need to change his life, it isn't going to happen.

Recovery isn't like taking your car to the shop, where someone diagnoses the problem and replaces the faulty part--all fixed! He has to want it and work for it himself, with all his heart and all his strength. And again, from what you said, he is nowhere near being ready to do this.

Recovery is indeed a long road, but what was even longer were the years spent waiting for someone else to change my life for me. You cannot make him do anything he doesn't want to do, whether it be to drink or NOT to drink. What you CAN do is to continue educating yourself about alcoholism and to find as much support for yourself as you can. With more time and more learning, you'll begin to see your own path more clearly and understand what actions you need to take.

For me, Alanon and SR were a powerful combo to get started in my own recovery. I'd recommend the same to you--and reading some Alanon literature is a good way to get some understanding of the program before heading to your first meeting. Amazon has many Alanon books available used for very reasonable prices. I'd suggest "How Alanon Works" and "Paths to Recovery" for starters.

atalose

One of the best responses I heard here on SR over the years is…………it’s always good to have “hope” but hope is NOT a plan.

You hope your husband opens his eyes to see how his alcohol consumption is corroding his life and the lives of those around him and that he seeks help, but you had better plan that he doesn’t.

Education on alcoholism, becoming familiar with typical addict behaviors, lots of reading here and al-anon will help you begin to build that plan

Danidaydream

Thank you all so much for your support. It really means a lot. At the moment, I feel like the first step is to take myself and my children out of this situation and find our own home. I understand that that is not the answer and there is much more I need to do but this will at least eliminate the constant arguing in the household. My husband has a lot of hate towards me even when he hasn't had a drink and who knows if that will ever change.