Add sex addict to the equation

Old 11-24-2017, 10:16 AM
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Add sex addict to the equation

I am shaking right now. I mean I always knew, but I just finally found the proof I needed that he drinks, does cocaine, goes casino, goes strip joint, gets VIP and makes out with those women.

I am not sure how I am going to keep my straight face on, but the next three weeks are going to be incredibly hard for me. I feel like throwing up right now. I am so upset.
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Old 11-24-2017, 10:20 AM
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ugh.

Protect yourself - your health and your finances.
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Old 11-24-2017, 10:24 AM
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doesn't sound like a MARRIED man, does it?

hold on soulful. sometimes finding that "proof" is a big blow.
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Old 11-24-2017, 10:52 AM
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Goes to show your gut feeling was right on. I'm sorry. Hang in there. Protect yourself and your finances. We're here any time you need to vent and you always have our support. Big hugs to you. And just so you know....his sex addiction has nothing to do with you or your own attractiveness. That's all on him.
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Old 11-24-2017, 11:08 AM
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I have always felt there is something wrong with me.
I mean I don’t know, I am not Miss Universe, but I am a good looking woman, smart (clearly not in this case), fun

I always felt I am not good enough to him and I used to find him search for escorts online and I knew he loved strip joints but I figured he grew out of it.
But the way he had sex with me, I just knew he was sleeping with these women... I didn’t want to believe it.
Today is the proof I finally got to take a deep breath and say: the whole ******* thing is over.
I feel disgusting, but moreso I feel it’s my fault. I just simply was never good enough for him.
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Old 11-24-2017, 11:14 AM
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Soulful, if YOU were in a relationship w/someone you felt "wasn't good enough for you", is this what your response would be? To continue in the relationship but cheat, lie, do drugs and spend money at strip joints and escort services, since the person you're involved with is just so completely inadequate to your needs?

Or is it more likely you'd eventually have the uncomfortable "it's over" conversation, realizing there is no point in staying with someone that you just don't connect with?

And between those 2 scenarios, which one REALLY would describe the person who "wasn't good enough"?

Just some food for thought...
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Old 11-24-2017, 11:21 AM
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Sweetheart, you ARE good enough. You're an attractive, smart, capable woman. You're good enough for YOU, is the main thing...he's not good enough for you, though...but you KNOW this...you've known it; your gut has been telling you this has been going on...my mom has always said, "A woman knows." And, it's so true. We know. There have been times when my gut has given me that sinking feeling when I just know. And, sometimes I have truly wished my gut was wrong. But, it is usually right, try as I may to ignore it. Anyways. I'm sorry you're faced with this, but you can get through it somehow and hopefully rid yourself of this terrible plague and go on to have a more fulfilling relationship with someone who treats you right. Big hugs.
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Old 11-24-2017, 11:54 AM
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He's the one who isn't good enough--what a slime bag

You will get through this, and if you had any lingering doubts about moving forward
this has no doubt cleared they way for the next step of you life
which will astonish you in terms of how much healthier and happier
you will feel without a lying addict sucking your life energy away.

Please hang in there and know you will find peace and joy again
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Old 11-24-2017, 12:03 PM
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considering where he's going to get his jollies and all his other crap, it is most definitely NOT a case of YOU not being good enough.

HE isn't good enough. and he knows that so he tries to bring you down to HIS level. so HE feels better.

i don't think you can dump his ass quick enough.

and.....sadly....unless you used protection when you had sex with him, you should probably get tested for STDs.
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Old 11-24-2017, 12:55 PM
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It is a sickness he has, there is nothing wrong with you.

So sorry you have this to deal with.
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Old 11-24-2017, 01:06 PM
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Originally Posted by honeypig View Post
Soulful, if YOU were in a relationship w/someone you felt "wasn't good enough for you", is this what your response would be? To continue in the relationship but cheat, lie, do drugs and spend money at strip joints and escort services, since the person you're involved with is just so completely inadequate to your needs?

Or is it more likely you'd eventually have the uncomfortable "it's over" conversation, realizing there is no point in staying with someone that you just don't connect with?

And between those 2 scenarios, which one REALLY would describe the person who "wasn't good enough"?

Just some food for thought...
Would you mind helping me understand this a little better? I think I got it, but I am a little emotional and I want to fully grasp what you said because I think that's exactly what happened me.
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Old 11-24-2017, 01:15 PM
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Those are expensive habits he has.
Protect your finances as best you can, if you haven’t already.
Good luck.
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Old 11-24-2017, 01:21 PM
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Originally Posted by Soulful View Post
I have always felt there is something wrong with me.
I mean I don’t know, I am not Miss Universe, but I am a good looking woman, smart (clearly not in this case), fun

I always felt I am not good enough to him and I used to find him search for escorts online and I knew he loved strip joints but I figured he grew out of it.
But the way he had sex with me, I just knew he was sleeping with these women... I didn’t want to believe it.
Today is the proof I finally got to take a deep breath and say: the whole ******* thing is over.
I feel disgusting, but moreso I feel it’s my fault. I just simply was never good enough for him.
You're not good enough for him? Based on this, I would say that he's not good enough for YOU. The fact that he was sleazing around with so many other people says a lot about him and absolutely nothing about you.

I'm very sorry for the huge shock you must be feeling now. Maybe in time this will appear as a moment of clarity, the time when you realized absolutely, definitely, beyond any doubt, that this is not someone you can spend your life with.

(this is the man that insinuated you were having an affair with your business partner? Projection, deflection ...).
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Old 11-24-2017, 01:28 PM
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Originally Posted by Sasha1972 View Post
You're not good enough for him? Based on this, I would say that he's not good enough for YOU. The fact that he was sleazing around with so many other people says a lot about him and absolutely nothing about you.

I'm very sorry for the huge shock you must be feeling now. Maybe in time this will appear as a moment of clarity, the time when you realized absolutely, definitely, beyond any doubt, that this is not someone you can spend your life with.

(this is the man that insinuated you were having an affair with your business partner? Projection, deflection ...).
NOW it makes sense why he was accusing me of cheating!!! OMG.
I am in shock, because the whole10 years we have been together are flashing through my mind and it just... I feel disgusting and just shattered.
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Old 11-24-2017, 03:40 PM
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These sound like very NORMAL and HEALTHY responses. Let these feelings come... whenever, however, wherever... if you feel a need to temporarily shelf these feelings, that's okay, too. You get to deal with this in YOUR timeframe.

We're here with you. You're not alone.

(((((Hugs)))))

KTF
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Old 11-24-2017, 04:50 PM
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Soulful....th ink about the logic of this....Do you think that any of these other women are good enough for him, either? Apparently not....because he goes from one to the other. This demonstrates that there is no single woman who is "good enough for him"....who will meet his satisfaction....that is why he does not confine himself to any one person.
To him, females are used as momentary bandaids...to distract himself by the momentary "feel good".....for a few moments.or a few hours....
They have no real worth (to him).....
This is because he is messed up---down deep at the core of his soul, level.
This has nothing to do with you.
You may have the fantasy that you could have the power to "turn him around"....but, that is just a fantasy....you cannot fix someone like him.....
It is not possible for you to change what is inside of him....Not if you were the m ost fabulous woman on the face of the earth.....because he is looking for something he will never find.....he probably doesn't even knw what that is.....

He probably even has the core belief that every woman cheats....he probably doesn't respect any woman....he is messed up in the head and the spirit.....
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Old 11-24-2017, 05:13 PM
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Soulful, hang in there; not much longer to go. Do what you need to do to protect yourself and your finances. One good thing from these revelations is you will no longer have a sense of guilt about leaving him and make too many concessions as a result.

It sounds like you might have bought into his inflated opinion of himself as being vastly superior, an exceptional person. Which is ridiculous when you put it like that. What has he done to justify this fictional image?

Try not to beat yourself up about being fooled by him. Getting a more reality based outlook is just a normal part of maturing and growing.
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Old 11-24-2017, 05:21 PM
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Why should you feel badly if he hasn't the maturity to sustain a monogamous lifestyle, (or honestly end the marriage)?
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Old 11-24-2017, 05:35 PM
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I hope you don't mind me saying this: this man is a scumbag. Also, he projects all his issues onto other people. Next time he says something ridiculous and hurtful, you should say (in your head), "oh you mean YOU are this and that." So if he says, "you are cheating on me." Your brain should say, "you are right, YOU ARE cheating on me." Try to make everything he says bounce off you and back onto him. What a horrible piece of garbage this man is. I can guarantee you that he's not having fun when he sleeps around with these women -- his actions are not that of a happy, well-adjusted human being, so don't think that there's anything wrong with you, you are normal, he is not. Please get checked for STDs and protect all your money ASAP.

My STBXAH also thought of himself as a vastly superior person -- superior to everyone else, and eventually he started acting like he thought he was superior to me. All part of his delusion and a manipulation tactic. In truth, he knew that he was scum, he just didn't want to admit it.
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Old 11-24-2017, 05:43 PM
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Also forgot to ask if you are getting any counseling for you. It might be a good idea to get some extra support.
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