We found him dead yesterday
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Becki.....don't beat yourself up. I understand your pain....
I hope that you can realize that this was never in your hands...
And...I hope that the knowledge that he is at peace, and that his battles and suffering are over, can give you some solace.....
I hope that you can realize that this was never in your hands...
And...I hope that the knowledge that he is at peace, and that his battles and suffering are over, can give you some solace.....
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,281
Somewhere, under a bluer sky
In a higher realm than where eagles fly
In a land of beauty beyond our knowing
With trees and flowers and waters flowing
And mountains of unearthly grace
Our loving Lord has made a place...
And one day, through an opening door
We find that glorious evermore.
This poem was from a sympathy card that helped me get through the passing of our first son, who only lived a few months. I know he was with us for a reason, in spite of the intense profound pain we experienced in his death and losing him.
May some good memories of your husband be brought to you, from before this disease took him from you... long before it took his life.
May you be able to honor this long-time grieving as much as this new one.
He was not his disease... even if that's all that was physically apparent at some point. It was the disease that separated him from his family, NOT any personal choice.
We didn't Cause it.
We can't Cure it.
We can't Control it.
What we can do is tend to our own lives and those of our children. You've been doing this all along. You'll get through this, too.
I'm so very sorry for your loss and what you and your children are going through.
Our thoughts and prayers are with you. (((((Hugs)))))
In a higher realm than where eagles fly
In a land of beauty beyond our knowing
With trees and flowers and waters flowing
And mountains of unearthly grace
Our loving Lord has made a place...
And one day, through an opening door
We find that glorious evermore.
This poem was from a sympathy card that helped me get through the passing of our first son, who only lived a few months. I know he was with us for a reason, in spite of the intense profound pain we experienced in his death and losing him.
May some good memories of your husband be brought to you, from before this disease took him from you... long before it took his life.
May you be able to honor this long-time grieving as much as this new one.
He was not his disease... even if that's all that was physically apparent at some point. It was the disease that separated him from his family, NOT any personal choice.
We didn't Cause it.
We can't Cure it.
We can't Control it.
What we can do is tend to our own lives and those of our children. You've been doing this all along. You'll get through this, too.
I'm so very sorry for your loss and what you and your children are going through.
Our thoughts and prayers are with you. (((((Hugs)))))
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
The worst fear of any of us who have loved an A...so very sorry for your loss, Becki. My lamp will be burning tonight, both to light the way for his passage onward and to send some small rays of light and warmth into the dark place you and your kids are in now.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Anywhere, USA
Posts: 869
I’m so very sorry for what you are enduring. This is anyone’s greatest fear who loves and cares for an alcoholic. No matter how angry we may get, this is our greatest fear we live with daily. It’s torture and we expect it, we mentally envision it, but we never think it will actually happen. I tell Abf all the time that if he keeps knocking on the door hard enough, it will be answered. Addiction is brutal, it is ruthless and cruel. Know that he loved you, but for whatever reason he couldn’t find a way out. He didn’t drink to hurt you, he drank because he was sick and drinking was a symptom of the disease in addition to being THE disease. His pain is over now finally, but you will need to care for yourself and your children to get through yours now.
I hate when I see these stories. It only exemplifies how truly powerless we all are against addiction. If you stayed or if you left, the drinking took him in the end, not you.
Lots of love and healing thoughts to you at this time. May you be protected by your own higher power and begin your journey of healing once the grief process passes.
I hate when I see these stories. It only exemplifies how truly powerless we all are against addiction. If you stayed or if you left, the drinking took him in the end, not you.
Lots of love and healing thoughts to you at this time. May you be protected by your own higher power and begin your journey of healing once the grief process passes.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: United States
Posts: 79
I'm am shocked and so so sorry it had to end this way for you and your children. This addiction is way beyond our control, sounds like you loved him more than enough, but just like all of us, you could not save him from himself. I'm so very sorry for your loss. Hugs to you and your family.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 1,118
So, so sorry. I feel your pain and I can't add anything to what the others have said. You couldn't have done anything differently. He had to follow his own path. It's a tragedy to be sure, and I offer you sincere condolences..
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 134
Thank you everyone for the kind words. I know that you're all right in what you're saying, but it's so hard to not play that "what if" game. He was such a good soul and kindhearted. But, his demons took over and they won. I take solace in the fact that he died in his sleep, according to the coroner.
We are all sticking close together and I have a very large family who is swarming us with love and attention.
This disease SUCKS!
You guys were the first people I wanted to let know....I knew some of you would understand what I'm feeling. Thanks for being here.
We are all sticking close together and I have a very large family who is swarming us with love and attention.
This disease SUCKS!
You guys were the first people I wanted to let know....I knew some of you would understand what I'm feeling. Thanks for being here.
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Hi Becki, I'm sorry for you and your children's loss. Talk to them about the good memories when the real man was in charge. Addiction can just be so powerful some people can't drag themselves away.
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