Emz5377

Hi all I have read and read and read until I can read no more . I found out he was alcohol dependent in March when he was hiding drink . I now know this to be true even though he won't admit it . We have argued and I end up feeling so bad . I can't help him . So it got too much for him and he left last night . He is / was a beautiful person until he drinks. It has been the hardest relationship I have ever had. I just want him to be safe . It's time to start lookibgvafyer myself after months of obsessing and missing out on life .very very sad . I know this is the best thing for me and him he couldn't show he loved me and I begged for his time . I can't begin to tell u the story and all that has happened . I do t know how u all cope with it

searching4shay

Sounds like your brain knows it's time to move on, but you need to give your heart time to accept it. I'm sorry. Watching someone you love destroy themselves is so very painful, but there becomes a point you have to protect yourself.

Emz5377

Yeah I know its not good for my health anymore . Been off work on tablets and generally feeling awful. Just thought I might be able to help him . Where ever he is I hope he's safe And that one day he finds peace and happiness in his life . He always told me he loves me but couldn't show it. I was never his priority and I understand now why I never could or would be .his brother died from alcohol and this is truly sad. I wasn't treated right and could not go through the pain and hurt of years with him. My heart feels pain and this is going to be so hard to get over, but I want him to get better from this horrible ****** illness that destroys all that surround it .We could of been so happy but it wasn't meant to be . Wishing everyone strength, courage and love to all that are suffering.

dandylion

Emz.....I believe that you are seeing the true reality of the situation.
There comes a point when you have just got to do what you know you have to do....as hard as I know it is!
Yes, you will go through the necessary grieving...this is to be expected of course...but, remember that grieving is the first step toward healing..
You will heal, in time...and, the sun will sh ine again, for you!!
I promise.....

Bekindalways

So, so very sorry to hear you are going through this. For me it hurt beyond anything I thought possible.

Like you, I knew it wouldn't work and I needed to get away. Unfortunately, no matter how much you understand and accept rationally the situation, the grief is so intense.

Please keep posting to let us know how you do and may you be bombarded by angels, grace and healing!

maia1234

Sending hugs!

It's best you realize this now instead of 5 years, 10 years or for me it was 34 years. Run and don't look back.

Emz5377

Thanks to everyone . It's a situation and relationship that I can honestly say has been the most difficult in my life. I believe he couldn't love me the way I wanted him too or rather the way I should be loved. And no I'm not too demanding as it goes. When it was good it was truly special bit as time went on we would argue and I mean argue. I tried not too but do while d this was impossible. For example I asked him if he felt okay one afternoon after wrk he said yeah . I said I noticed sick in the sink after wrk are u sure ?? His reply was angry towards me saying he didn't know how it got there . But it was so obvious. I was angry that he lied but also felt for him as I'm sure he was often sick in the morning. A snippet of what happened but the arguments really were insane. But then I like I said I have read and read and he doesn't think rationally. I believe I had a choice a choice to carry on with the man I fell in love with . But the more I carried on the more my needs weren't being met. He would dissapear for hours after wrk , not interest in doing anything, and when I needed him in low times he wasn't there. What's sad is this post seems like a crtisism on him . It's not I just wasn't happy . I needed to change the situation but he choose to stay away well he said for a couple of days break .I told him if he left he wouldn't be coming bk . Went to see friends last night it was nice to go over to there's without obsessing about being home . I burst out crying randomly , but I suppose I'm healing. I said to my mates I just hope he is safe ! She said don't worry about him it's time to look after yrself now . You gave everything into that relationship. Night 2 done . What I have realised is I could be the most amazing beautiful richest stunning person in the whole world and it still wouldn't be enough to stop him.i did go back to wrk three weeks ago afyer three months off so things in time will settle . Love to u all in this situation. Please don't stay unhappy life is so short even if like me your in love. It will never be enough.

Emz5377

I hope yr life brings u happiness now .

Emz5377

Thankyou so much words are comforting.

Emz5377

Thankyou

honeypig

Welcome, Emz--you've come to the right place for support in this hard time. Everyone here gets it, has stood in your shoes or is there right now alongside you.

Hope you can take some time to read around the forum. I'm sure many of the threads will resonate w/you. Check out the "stickies" at the top of the page too. That section is a regular boot camp of education about alcoholism as well as the codependence that so often affects us, the partners/spouses/parents/children of alcohlics.

Wishing you strength and clarity.

Emz5377

Thankyou I will take look. Still thinking of ways to help him and he's not here !!! I understand i can't I really do . I need to get back to the happy bubbly girl I was . It's hard but it's the right decision . Going to keep busy today as Sundays we spent the afternoon together after he went to see his "dad" every Sunday morning early! So today will be difficult . Two nights on my own I have slept alittle . I need to stop thinking abiut what he is doing!!!! Or how he is !!! I want to get the rest of his belongings to him as soon as so I can start moving on.

atalose

I know for me that my ex loved me but the more his addiction took him the farther away from any kind of love he got. Him and his addiction locked themselves into a jail cell with me on the outside and I tried for years to unlock that lock and free him. It took me a long time to accept that it was never my job to free him and that I did not have that ability to unlock him from his prison, he was the only one with that power.

Grief stinks and it takes time and it wears on us emotionally and sometimes physically. We just need to feel what we don’t want to feel and allow the process to work.

I am sorry you are hurting.

Emz5377

Thankyou. Do u mind me asking did u ever wrk things out with him ? Yeah he tx me today asking what I was up to !! I saw him handed over the rest of his belongings.ee walked and talked and he said I know i drink more than most and that will get sorted . I don't doubt that he loves me he just loves cider more. And that's not enough for me . He hasn't asked how I've been in two days . Not a good sign . I will be there for him but he cannot some bk to my home. I cannot feel destroyed and broken anymore. They say time is a healer. I wish u the best and hope that u brought happiness within yourself.

dandylion

EMZ.....You have made a very wise decision. There is no happiness or peace ahead, for you, in this situation........

Emz5377

This is so awful . He told me he went to the docs over his bad knee and they put him on antibiotics and that was it . He is off wrk . He tried to kiss me after all we have been through God I wanted too so much but I didn't. He tx me last night so much and I replied !! He wants a bit of space then I think he wants to come back here . I want him too but I think I need to cut ties for a month or so as this isn't helping me to begin by healing . I mean to say the drinking will sort it self out in time sounds deluded to me . This won't sort itself out !! He drinks around 9 - 12 cans a night when he is home after wrk and that's every single day. I think that's alot . The problem is when he tells me things I think I'm paranoid about his drinking. I don't know what else he drinks when I'm not abiut but I need to stop.worring about it . Please if anyone has any ideas let me know . This feels crappy atm but I know its what I need i keep thinking back to how he was with me and unfortunately when he was drinking his.conversations Nd thinking were bizarre . He has a heart of gold and is very kind it's just showing less and less . I hope he finds that life really can be beautiful as I've been there and soon I'll be there again .

dandylion

I am sending you this following link to our extensive library of excellent articles which I think you can take strength and understanding from.....Now, I know you said hat you are tired of reading...but, I think you will find these articles a bit different.....I hope you will take your time to read them...there are dozens and dozens.....
I think that I f you read a few each day, your will be able to start to see through a different filter....

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...c-reading.html (Classic Reading)

You are absolutely right....to think that this is just going to sort itself out is deluded thinking.
Start to think of yourself and your own welfare as your first priority....If you don't attend to your own welfare, you will never be happy and find peace......

I like to say that this is the short-term pain for the long-term gain......

atalose

No, we did not work things out. He always continued to relapse. We did the break up –make up – downgrade to just friends thing for way to long. It was time for me to finally end things for good and the only way that was going to happen was to go no contact with him.

Let me ask you this, if he’s not doing anything to keep you then why are you trying so hard to stay? He hasn’t asked about you in 2 days, it’s all about him yet you say you will remain there for him. And this is a person you no longer want in your home, so what is it you are hanging onto?

Emz5377

Great question. And what I'm hanging into is those tiny bits of happiness we had together. We were txing eachother all last night for what ?? I ask myself . I'm seeing him tonight to meet up and say that I need space and time to let him go. It's not doing me any favours him keep txing me . I'm so sorry things didn't wrk out for you I truly am and I hope that your now at peace and happy. Deep down I know that this will never wrk bit that doesn't stop me holding on . I need time and space and to realise that I deserve better and to be treated right in a relationship. I suppose love is getting the better of my thinking .

Mango blast

(((Hugs)))

Somewhere along the way... I finally started seeing that wasn't love. My love for my husband finally was able to help me release him.... trauma bonds are what kept me going back.

I'm still working hard at my recovery from this trauma so I don't keep getting pulled into the chaos.