dandylion

Soulful.....I dedicate these ducks to you.....

Soulful

I am sorry, I can't read your messages, all I read is QUACK QUACK lol I LOVE this visualization SO much! Thank you!

Thank you, I am actually reading through all the links you sent me yesterday, been doing that since last night. I do take a break, because when I read something that resonates with my situation, it feels like someone stabbed me in my heart. But I am certainly enjoying deflating the elephant, let me tell you!

He is addicted to alcohol, cocaine, steroid pills. When he is on cocaine and alcohol especially, it's scary. He also smokes weed daily and while I was a cool wife about that and even did it myself, I felt that was the only way I could connect with him. Of course, when I suggested to stop smoking for a while because I personally don't enjoy that on a daily basis, he told me weed helps his asthma and he decided to go for "walks" more often. I don't think I have seen this man sober of any kind of drug longer than 24 hours in YEARS. Or ever.

AnvilheadII

so what if.....for a couple moments you saw him as an aging drug addict blowhard with the impulse control of a toddler........who can only feel good about himself and his jackassery by putting you down? if his pedestal is nothing more than a couple of cases of beer stacked up?

Ariesagain

So...sucking foreign substances into his lungs makes his asthma “better”?

QUACK.

dandylion

Soulful.....I didn't know about the steroid p ills....they are a dangerous thing, in themselves....which you probably already know...lol....
They can cause very erratic and aggressive behavior and seriously compromise the body's natural immune system....setting a person up for all kinds of other health problems......

Soulful

Prednisone, he is taking them for asthma. I guess I should say he is abusing them, because I totally know the dosage and when they should be taken. I just close my eyes and pretend the empty boxes of Prednisone that I find on the floor are "from before". I ask him about them and that's his answer always: that's from before.

AnvilheadII WOW. That imagery gave me goosebumps. That's a very accurate and amazing picture you painted.
I used to beat myself up before, because well I didn't have a job (just finished maternity leave) and I was codependent of the whole situation. I have no money, he can support me and he is an addict and I can take care of it.

But now... not that I am independent, that I am building businesses, that I am working on my health, that I am doing well (not emotionally well anyways)... Why am I not good enough now for him?

Soulful

His answer: yes, didn't you watch that YouTube documentary about it? I smoke and I am relaxed, which helps me asthma and helps me relax from always being nagged by you. I am going for a walk now."

AnvilheadII

it has NOTHING to do with YOU, soulful. in his mindset, nothing is good enough, nothing ever will be. he's a fiend, more more more, trying to fill up some gaping hole inside of him, with a brain messed up from all the drugs. he thinks he owns you. he has to try and make you believe that he is BETTER than you, because otherwise he'd have to face the fact that he's a miserable putz.

those are all HIS issues. you just happen to live at the same address. he will never be pleased or at peace.

you however CAN BE. you can chose to get away from his stinky toxicity. you can let him wallow in his misery, while you backstroke in the sea of serenity.

i just read that last bit.....geezus, stop listening to him. it's all such BS.

Hawkeye13

Yes, pretty serious BS from my view as well.

Weak, miserable people often undermine other's self-esteem because
at some level they know that if the person felt good about themselves,
they wouldn't stay around them.

Funny how that is--it's like they make their own mirror, and try to deny
the image they put on you really is more about them.

Soulful

I find that my success triggers him to sabotage our "relationship". I put that in quotes because we don't really have a relationship, we simply share the same address. We have been living in separate rooms since our son was born. I don't have sex with him and when I do, I feel like a prostitute because he talks so dirty to me (yes, I don't mind that, there is a time and place for everything) the energy he sends me when he gives me that, I just wonder who he slept around with when he is all out of it.
We never go out as a family, I rather be a home body than go out and risk being embarrassed, although I take my son to my business trips and we have a blast (go figure!)

Everytime I accomplish something (like for example, I just finalized the paperwork for a vacation rental that I am about to start in two weeks) and when I expressed my concern to work with him (he assumed he will work with me), and told him I don't feel comfortable, he told me I am a bitch for doing that to him and then he said he is going for a "walk". Came back at 5:30am. lol gotta love those walks, eh?

Why wouldn't my accomplishments motivate him instead of get him to react the way he does?

AnvilheadII

because he doesn't CARE, that is not where his energy is invested. it doesn't matter WHAT you do, success or failure, it will not satisfy him. he is unreachable by CHOICE. so you can stop trying to engage, entice or encourage him to be anything other than exactly what he is.

so do you have a plan? are you thinking about a plan?

kittybeans

So absolutely TRUE! I posted a thread earlier about feeling crazy and wondering if that was common. It's overwhelmingly sad to realize that it is. Soulful, I definitely recommend following the link Dandylion posted for you. I am still reading from it and it has given me some peace that I am not alone and I am not crazy. Keep moving forward!

**EDIT I see you have begun reading, just like I have! I agree that it is a like a punch to the gut reading some of the threads...**

Soulful

Sadly, for the first time ever, I actually have a plan. He is going back to Toronto for Christmas to visit his family and his work xmas party. I haven't attended his work function for over 4 years now, because I dislike how he gets, so I figured he can go alone and do his cocaine in peace, I am not there to bug him about it.
Anyhow, I am not going Toronto this time, I am staying here and I am changing the locks. The apartment is under my name, so legally I can do that here in Mexico. I have given him money (which he withdrew last night) and I told him exactly about the fact that he is no longer welcomed back after he leaves on Dec 14th.

He is a ticking bomb around our son and I simply will do everything in my power to make sure this time he stays out. I gave him enough money to rent a mansion if he wanted, I just want him out. I am aware that he might probably spend it all on his drugs, but that's not my problem anymore. I tried to kick him out before and he always said that he doesn't have enough money saved to get his own place. He doesn't have that excuse anymore.

In the meantime, I have been avoiding him, closing my door and staying in here with my son. I feel like we both are in jail in our own home, but I want no sight of him. He is not really home most of the time anyways, he is out on "walks", so most of the time, the home is very peaceful.

hopeful4

I am not familiar with the laws in Mexico. How will this affect child custody, what is your plan with that?

Big hugs to you.

Soulful

He has no rights. He is a drug addict and child custody is the least of his problems. I have no concern if he wants to see or spend time with his son, but I can't think about this right now. Right now, I need him out of the home. Once he is out, I can move to the next step and work out these details, but considering he owes the government the last 10 years of tax payments and also has school and credit card debt, I doubt anyone will give him any type of rights.
I don't even want any money from him. Right now, I just want him out.

hopeful4

I can completely understand. We are here for you and will support you every step of the way! I know this is hurtful and scary, you and your son will be in my prayers! Hopefully this time will pass quickly until he leaves.

Huge Hugs!

Soulful

Thank you very much for sharing your thoughts and positive energy. It really means the world to me, because I am sure you know how lonely we truly feel sometimes with this madness.

If you are not willing to risk, you cannot grow.