NatashaRomanova

I don't know if there's anything quite as lonely as going to bed late when the alcoholic in the house is already passed out and has been for a while. The decision to go to bed is just something that comes after I've put it off as long as I could. The thought of trying to wake him to get him into bed sprouts and then passes as I remember the fact that, the night will be a lot less comfortable with him drunk, thrashing or sprawling or snoring bed with me.
Having no one to say good night to.
And probably won't have anyone to say good morning to, tomorrow.

Good night folks.

Nata1980

Good night, Natasha!

My son is asleep and house is so quite and peaceful, and am feeling lonely, but there is serenity to it.

You deserve better!

dandylion

I think it is an awful feeling to feel lonely, inside a marriage. It is like having the title (married person), but not having the benefit of that designation.

There is a difference between being alone (single) and lonely....I know, because I have been both....

Smarie78

I’m sorry you are are experiencing this. It’s a terrible feeling. I use to say, well I still do, that I was lonelier with my Alcoholic here drunk passed out on the sofa or bed than I was when I was truly alone, as in the only one in the house.

Strangely enough when he isn’t here, like tonight, I don’t feel as lonely. It helps that I’ve got my faithful dog always by my side. When he is here and I get to clean up his mess or smell the alcohol on his deep sleeping exhales I feel like the only one on the planet - abandoned. I think it is a common feeling for those of us in alcoholic relationships. We feel alone because we are abandoned by a force that takes over the loved one. Gives us too much time to reflect on what our life has become. That can feel lonelier than anything.

Tonight my qualifier was here and chose to go have drinks and come back to be drunk in my home. Once I asked that he leave I was truly alone in my small apartment, but I felt the least lonely. Big hugs to you

Downthepath

This thread makes me feel deeply ashamed. I was the alcoholic asleep on the couch. My wife went to bed alone, explaining that she tried to wake me up, but that I was in a coma, so she couldn't.. The reality is, it was undoubtedly better in bed without me. Maybe she didn't try so hard.

Xia

Natasha, I'm so sorry for your sadness. I understand the feeling vividly even though I've broken up with my ABF almost 3 months ago and am currently on "no contact." Here I am overseas waking up alone in a hotel bed and feeling the loneliness every minute and missing him, and wondering what life would have been like if he really was on this trip with me like we'd planned. But reading your post immediately reminded me of all those nights he was blacked out drunk and how alone and trapped I felt. Even after he woke up and I'd tell him what he'd done, said and how it affected me, I still felt so alone because he'd say he didn't remember any of it.

I'm so, so sorry you have to suffer this - sending warm thoughts and strength to you.

Seren

Sending you prayers for clarity and peace, Natasha. I don't really have any experience I can add or share, except to consider this....

You don't have to suffer. None of us do. We choose to do so believing and hoping somehow that the situation/person will get better. But we can't make someone be who we need in a romantic partner.

I hope that at least you have been able to get some rest and that you have at least some fun plans for your Sunday!

OpheliaKatz

Good night Natasha! I hope you have a good sleep and a wakeful morning. In my marriage to an addict, I used to go to where he was lying on the floor fitting or passed out, and stroke his hair because it was soothing to him and also to me. It's not the same as having a companion... or getting quality sleep. I am alone now and from time to time I see him in my dreams. I still wake up lonely, but at least now it's for the reason that I am actually physically alone.

Please look after yourself. Eat well, exercise, sleep well. Take care.

NatashaRomanova

Downthepath, I used to, I used to try really hard. I would call his name and shake him and say things like "come, it's just a couple steps to bed, and it's way more comfy"
I used to want him in bed with me no matter how drunk. But a couple times it backfired, where I would get him up and he would just make it to the floor in front of the bed, now I had an obstuction. Sometimes he would just wake fully up and want to drink and watch loud movies or tell me about his next passion project idea; no more sleep for me then.
I used to try really hard, to get him to bed. Instead I give him a pillow and go to bed alone now. (Funnily enough, this time he noticed the pillow when he was up again and thanked me)

NatashaRomanova

Xia, your story is amazing, and I sincerely hope the trip you are on is filled with new exciting places and activities that help you discover things about yourself.
Hugs!

hearthealth

I spent the day going through my mother' s items and then received some not so good medical news in the mail. I went to bed knowing I could not share.. I really wish he would have slept in the couch. Having him so close but knowing I'm alone makes it so much worse.

NotAPeach

I was so dumb that I didn't realize that's what it was. I was truly completely unaware what was going on until close to the end. But in retrospect, I have been in your shoes many times. I just didn't know why.

NatashaRomanova

I totally get you. I don't feel comfortable sharing important things. I cannot find it in myself to be emotionally vulnerable a lot of the time. Last year I went though a troubling medical issue without even telling him about it at all. Finding strength within ourselves is all we can do. I keep digging deeper and finding more.
Wishing you strength in your time of troubled heart. Xoxox

CentralOhioDad

Natasha - I haven't really felt married for years living with my AW, but most times when she's passed out, I know she won't be drinking anymore, she won't be banging around the house making noise, and she won't be laying into me again spouting over and over what a sh*tty husband and person I am.

I know that DS is in bed, peacefully sleeping, and if he does wake up he always calls for "Daddy" anyway, so she won't be going to his room in a drunken state.

I've taken that feeling of loneliness and turned it into 'enjoying the peace and quiet'.

Hope you got a good night's sleep.

COD