Zarjoe

I met the man of my dreams when i was in my twenties. Super smart and accomplished. A PhD in Psychology nontheless, working in the corporate world, as a Org Pshychologist, making lots of money, super smart. I was smitten.
Kind and romantic, always caring for people and so handsome.

Then his mother passed away when he was 30 and i realized he had a problem w alcohol. It got so bad with his depressions and manic episodes, we went to see a psychiatrist and he was properly diagnosed w Bipolar(not sure waht level).

The doctor was very clear that the bipolar meds will not work with alcohol, and he did a short stint on rehab, and was fine for a while.
Since 2012 it has been the worst rollercoaster ever.
We have amazing times and family times when he is sober but when he has his drinking episodes he gets so depressive and loathes himself.

We have 2 little kids 11 and 13 and they are aware their dad is a bipolar alcoholic and they know their dad has episodes from time to time.

I’m just so tired, these episodes are getting more constant, like every month now and I don’t know if I should wait and swallow this drama until the girls go off to college or just end this now.

I love him so much it hurts, but my sanity and mental health are being affected now.
Also, he makes so much money at work, i feel like I’m in a golden cage sometimes. I’m looking for work but nothing yet, I need to find something that would pay me a decent salary so I can support myself amd my daughters.

What to do?

Seren

Hello Zarjoe, Welcome to SR! You will find this to be a wonderful place for support and shared strength.

I am sorry for all that your husband has been through, and all that you and the children have been through because of this, too. You and your daughters deserve face-to-face support as well. Have you considered taking them and yourself to see a counselor who specializes in addiction? If you are comfortable with the group setting, there is also Al-Anon (for friends and family of drinkers) and Al-Ateen (for children of drinkers).

Because of your husband's profession, is he not open to obtaining help--real, sustained, long-term help for both his BPD and his alcoholism? It is not uncommon for other mental illnesses to co-occur with addiction, and there are specialists he could see. From my reading on these boards over the years, his BPD is unlikely to be successfully treated until he stops drinking.

Others will be along soon, but I wanted to let you know you were heard and that your whole family will be in my thoughts and prayers!

Although I am sorry for what brings you to SR, I am glad that you found us.

Seren

Hello Zarjoe,

How are you doing?

atalose

And so is your kids sanity and mental health. I strongly suggest seeking therapy for you and your kids. That way, at least they will know you did something, you tried to mitigate the situation. You'd be surprised how many adults of alcoholics grow up resenting the none drinking parent more then the alcoholic. I have a friend who said "I understand my dad's behaviors because he is an alcoholic and did what alcoholics do but I don't understand my mother or her issues that kept us living in that unhealthy household".

And to answer your question, no I do not believe you can have a stable life married to an untreated bipolar/alcoholic.

hearthealth

My mother was a non drinking BP. It was not a stable household. My father coped by drinking in excess. It was not a stable household. I give my heart but it still does not create stability.