My wife
Member
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 208
Congrats on your sobriety! That's amazing.
I can't tell you how your wife feels, but I can tell you about how I feel and maybe you'll find some similarities there. My AH has been drinking for 3 years, heavily. Many awful things have been said and done. And every time he says "I'm going to stop drinking" I get this mix of FINALLY I GET MY HUSBAND BACK and "he's just saying it again. Don't get excited."
Each time is a grave disappointment. There are more lies and more pain that I can't let myself ever believe it's going to end, because it hurts worse that way.
You are recovering but so is your wife. The silent treatment is the worst. I'd break it if I were you, show her that you're still you and that you love her fiercely.
I can't tell you how your wife feels, but I can tell you about how I feel and maybe you'll find some similarities there. My AH has been drinking for 3 years, heavily. Many awful things have been said and done. And every time he says "I'm going to stop drinking" I get this mix of FINALLY I GET MY HUSBAND BACK and "he's just saying it again. Don't get excited."
Each time is a grave disappointment. There are more lies and more pain that I can't let myself ever believe it's going to end, because it hurts worse that way.
You are recovering but so is your wife. The silent treatment is the worst. I'd break it if I were you, show her that you're still you and that you love her fiercely.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: huntsville AL
Posts: 43
Well the silent treatment is actually her specialty when we have conflict. I hate it. I don't understand it. My lack of communication is mostly through emotional difficulties but I can see how it would be equally destructive. I usually get all panicky when this happens and try to break the silent treatment but it often ends in a fight. I made a comment about it last night in an attempt to stop worrying about it but it's probably made it worse. What the other guy posted about waiting was very helpful and made me feel less panicked. Also the old threads that were posted align perfectly with some of the things she has told me/fought about. I know that just because I quit doesn't mean the nightmare is over or that everything is fixed. I just wish it were easier to manuver this sea of uncertainty and emotion. All of you have helped tremendously and given me alot to think about. Idk how. To convey that to her or if I even should. And yea I'd like for her to. Go to Alanon, or even an open AA meeting. Just gotta get past this current silence first because I don't think it will go over well otherwise
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,281
You don't have to get her to Alanon. It's not your responsibility. It's the same as us trying to get someone to AA.
Let the silence be there. Let it speak volumes about your relationship. Let YOU be working on your recovery. Your relationship to your wife will either survive this or not. It is NOT as important as your own recovery.
Take care of you. The rest will shake itself out.
Let the silence be there. Let it speak volumes about your relationship. Let YOU be working on your recovery. Your relationship to your wife will either survive this or not. It is NOT as important as your own recovery.
Take care of you. The rest will shake itself out.
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,281
An example of using sidewalk chalk to say hello... to break the silence without words:
1. Buy sidewalk chalk. Seriously. Do the action. Buy chalk. Pray about it first. This may take 10 minutes or 10 days, depending on how you're lead by HP. Trust in the process.
2. Open package, take out a piece of chalk -- whatever color that seems fun or you just like at the moment. Pray.
3. Draw on something. Squiggles, lines, HELLO, whatever... keep it simple. No deep messages here. If you don't have concrete to draw on, find paper. When was the last time you used chalk on paper? See?
A completely different action. Can't find paper? Pray, look, get inspired. Do things differently.
This isn't about anyone else and there reactions. This is about you. Your recovery. You doing things differently.
"We can't think ourselves into right acting. We need to act our way into right thinking."
"Actions first. Feelings will follow."
Waiting is a powerful action. Prayer is a powerful action. Hope is a powerful action.
One day at a time. Just for today....
1. Buy sidewalk chalk. Seriously. Do the action. Buy chalk. Pray about it first. This may take 10 minutes or 10 days, depending on how you're lead by HP. Trust in the process.
2. Open package, take out a piece of chalk -- whatever color that seems fun or you just like at the moment. Pray.
3. Draw on something. Squiggles, lines, HELLO, whatever... keep it simple. No deep messages here. If you don't have concrete to draw on, find paper. When was the last time you used chalk on paper? See?
A completely different action. Can't find paper? Pray, look, get inspired. Do things differently. This isn't about anyone else and there reactions. This is about you. Your recovery. You doing things differently.
"We can't think ourselves into right acting. We need to act our way into right thinking."
"Actions first. Feelings will follow."
Waiting is a powerful action. Prayer is a powerful action. Hope is a powerful action.
One day at a time. Just for today....
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: huntsville AL
Posts: 43
I like that advice with the Chalk. My only reservation with leaving things alone is that it's kinda my fault she's having to deal with all this. Idk how To feel ok about that. Or do I just let that go too? And is HP higher power? Going to a meeting and seeking a sponsor tonight.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
I want to make it clear to anyone reading this post...I was not advocating to force or pressure her to go to alanon. However, since she has mentioned it, once, herself, I don't think there is anything wrong in gently suggesting that it is a good idea.....to have others to share with, who have been in her same shoes....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: huntsville AL
Posts: 43
Originally Posted by dandylion 
I want to make it clear to anyone reading this post...I was not advocating to force or pressure her to go to alanon. However, since she has mentioned it, once, herself, I don't think there is anything wrong in gently suggesting that it is a good idea.....to have others to share with, who have been in her same shoes....
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Continue with staying busy, but not spending to much time away.
glad to read this, but i hope any time you spend away is either working on your recovery or GED.
going to the bookstore or library to read comics- dont ya think thats a wee bit selfish, avoiding responsibility, and allowing fear to control ya?
F.E.A.R.=
F*** Everything And Run
or Face Everything And Recover
alcoholics tend to want everything fixed yet impatient in how long that takes.
it ALL happens in Gods time- not ours.
as long as ya keep putting in the footwork on you- work the program and work on changing you, its very possible your marriage will become stronger and better than ever.
in Gods time,that is.
years of wreckage doesnt get cleaned up overnight. it takes T.I.M.E.=
Things I Must Earn.
something i highly suggest,traviss:
toss out the ass kickin machine. it aint gonna help ya change and recover.
youre not a bad man gettin good, just a sick man gettin weller.
and there IS a solution!
glad to read this, but i hope any time you spend away is either working on your recovery or GED.
going to the bookstore or library to read comics- dont ya think thats a wee bit selfish, avoiding responsibility, and allowing fear to control ya?
F.E.A.R.=
F*** Everything And Run
or Face Everything And Recover
alcoholics tend to want everything fixed yet impatient in how long that takes.
it ALL happens in Gods time- not ours.
as long as ya keep putting in the footwork on you- work the program and work on changing you, its very possible your marriage will become stronger and better than ever.
in Gods time,that is.
years of wreckage doesnt get cleaned up overnight. it takes T.I.M.E.=
Things I Must Earn.
something i highly suggest,traviss:
toss out the ass kickin machine. it aint gonna help ya change and recover.
youre not a bad man gettin good, just a sick man gettin weller.
and there IS a solution!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
a few lines from the BB:
Cessation of drinking is but the first step away from a highly strained, abnormal condition. A doctor said to us," Years of living with an alcoholic is almost sure to make any wife or child neurotic. The entire family is, to some extent, ill." Let families realize, as they start their journey, that all will not be fair weather. Each in his turn may be footsore and may straggle.There will be alluring shortcuts and by-paths down which they may wander and lose their way.
Cessation of drinking is but the first step away from a highly strained, abnormal condition. A doctor said to us," Years of living with an alcoholic is almost sure to make any wife or child neurotic. The entire family is, to some extent, ill." Let families realize, as they start their journey, that all will not be fair weather. Each in his turn may be footsore and may straggle.There will be alluring shortcuts and by-paths down which they may wander and lose their way.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,426
I've been on several sides of this--child of alcoholic parent, alcoholic myself,
and after that, my spouse became an alcoholic as well
When I first quit, he was very angry due to things that were said and done--
I was a mean drunk and harsh with words, and said I'd stop but didn't.
So it is very hard to be barely sober for a few months and be dealing with an angry, resentful spouse.
What was key for me was accepting I had caused his attitude through my own actions,
most especially the negative response and mistrust I was getting.
Of course I was annoyed and unhappy, because, here I was sober,
what he wanted, but things were worse and I had no bottle to crawl into anymore. . .
So I waited and actively worked on my own recovery.
I was kind and let him know when and if he wanted to talk, do things together, etc. I was there.
I made it clear I valued the relationship by being present in the home even if
he didn't want to actively engage.
I did other things, and worked my recovery.
Over time, trust and healing began to happen.
Thing with us drinkers is we want everything right away
and delayed gratification is something we don't like.
It makes us anxious, especially if we don't know if we
will ever get back what we had.
You won't get the "pureness" of your early relationship back,
but you can rebuild love and connection if you are willing
to do the work on yourself and to respect your spouse and their
need to process and heal, same as you're doing.
What about trying to engage the kids in some family stuff like board games
or puzzles, or take over some cooking / cleaning things she usually does?
Show her you value and respect her happiness and her time, don't tell her.
Become active in your home as a contributing family member when you can be, especially
since you need to be gone several nights a week to do other things.
Some therapy would most likely be helpful at some point to ease the communication problems, if possible.
My relationship is stronger with my spouse than it has ever been.
We weathered a lot together--he's still working on getting the alcohol completely
out of his and our lives, and I'm sober and happy being so.
Things can get better--be kind to yourself and your family, work your program,
don't drink ever again and betray the trust you are building and you will
succeed no matter what the ultimate outcome of the relationship.
Congrats on your sober time
and after that, my spouse became an alcoholic as well
When I first quit, he was very angry due to things that were said and done--
I was a mean drunk and harsh with words, and said I'd stop but didn't.
So it is very hard to be barely sober for a few months and be dealing with an angry, resentful spouse.
What was key for me was accepting I had caused his attitude through my own actions,
most especially the negative response and mistrust I was getting.
Of course I was annoyed and unhappy, because, here I was sober,
what he wanted, but things were worse and I had no bottle to crawl into anymore. . .
So I waited and actively worked on my own recovery.
I was kind and let him know when and if he wanted to talk, do things together, etc. I was there.
I made it clear I valued the relationship by being present in the home even if
he didn't want to actively engage.
I did other things, and worked my recovery.
Over time, trust and healing began to happen.
Thing with us drinkers is we want everything right away
and delayed gratification is something we don't like.
It makes us anxious, especially if we don't know if we
will ever get back what we had.
You won't get the "pureness" of your early relationship back,
but you can rebuild love and connection if you are willing
to do the work on yourself and to respect your spouse and their
need to process and heal, same as you're doing.
What about trying to engage the kids in some family stuff like board games
or puzzles, or take over some cooking / cleaning things she usually does?
Show her you value and respect her happiness and her time, don't tell her.
Become active in your home as a contributing family member when you can be, especially
since you need to be gone several nights a week to do other things.
Some therapy would most likely be helpful at some point to ease the communication problems, if possible.
My relationship is stronger with my spouse than it has ever been.
We weathered a lot together--he's still working on getting the alcohol completely
out of his and our lives, and I'm sober and happy being so.
Things can get better--be kind to yourself and your family, work your program,
don't drink ever again and betray the trust you are building and you will
succeed no matter what the ultimate outcome of the relationship.
Congrats on your sober time
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,281
Congrats on looking for a sponsor tonight. Pray and expect to find the sponsor you currently need to show up for you. Perhaps tonight, perhaps at another meeting soon.
Yes... HP/Higher Power... by whatever name you want to use.
Yes... HP/Higher Power... by whatever name you want to use.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,792
T,
Congrats on your sobriety, us codies love sober addicts.
Good idea coming to our side to seek support. Yes, us codies hold grudges, we were not drunk during all those incidents, so we remember every word of every fight. We hold big grudges against our addicts. Explaining why the disease of alcoholism is a family disease.
You need time, you are only 2 months out, and she needs time. She is waiting for you to come home drunk. Her recovery has not even started yet. She can't trust you, she is probably questioning that you are completely sober. You have no idea the damage that you have caused with trust in your marriage.
With addicts, words mean nothing, its your actions. Kind deeds are very helpful. Addicts are very selfish people, so when you see your addict opening the door for you, buying flowers for you, holding her hand when you walk, asking to help with car pooling, or groceries, that's what you want to see . Thinking about someone other then yourself. (Oprah used to say foreplay starts thd minute you wake up. Haha) Those are gestures of you being sincere. These are the actions that will catch her attention, that maybe, just maybe this time he will stay sober. But, She will always be waiting for the shoe to drop.
Acts of kindness will slowly melt that frosty heart. If she didn't love you, she would have kicked you to the curb. Give her time like she for you while you were drinking. Like said above it will take years before you and her are 100% in your marriage and recovery.. Hugs my friend, your compassion is showing, I think you are on the right path.
Congrats on your sobriety, us codies love sober addicts.
Good idea coming to our side to seek support. Yes, us codies hold grudges, we were not drunk during all those incidents, so we remember every word of every fight. We hold big grudges against our addicts. Explaining why the disease of alcoholism is a family disease.
You need time, you are only 2 months out, and she needs time. She is waiting for you to come home drunk. Her recovery has not even started yet. She can't trust you, she is probably questioning that you are completely sober. You have no idea the damage that you have caused with trust in your marriage.
With addicts, words mean nothing, its your actions. Kind deeds are very helpful. Addicts are very selfish people, so when you see your addict opening the door for you, buying flowers for you, holding her hand when you walk, asking to help with car pooling, or groceries, that's what you want to see . Thinking about someone other then yourself. (Oprah used to say foreplay starts thd minute you wake up. Haha) Those are gestures of you being sincere. These are the actions that will catch her attention, that maybe, just maybe this time he will stay sober. But, She will always be waiting for the shoe to drop.
Acts of kindness will slowly melt that frosty heart. If she didn't love you, she would have kicked you to the curb. Give her time like she for you while you were drinking. Like said above it will take years before you and her are 100% in your marriage and recovery.. Hugs my friend, your compassion is showing, I think you are on the right path.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: huntsville AL
Posts: 43
So... Against some of your advice.... I was sitting in the bookstore after work, with the intention to look for some of the books mentioned by a previous poster, and instead, I left and went home to confront her. I know i was advised against this, but I told her I had been asking for help from other family members of alcoholics, I told her I just wanted to know what she needed, turned into a long talk, not a fight. Things are not fixed, but we are speaking and in good enough so spirits for now. Plans in the works to involve her in some alanon. I did not find a sponser last night. I plan on attending and doing so tonight. And no, I don't feel selfish reading comics at the bookstore.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: milwaukee wi
Posts: 3,574
Hi kiddo... its hard very hard.. know what she is going thro. so here is some insight from the ladies side.. my hubby was on morphine for 8 years.. a lot of life dies or has to be put to the side.. then when they took him off.. I almost lost him... his heart failed...in the last years I feared for my own life at times.. no kidding..
in May of this year.. I kept medic dig for answer to why he was behaving like this.. Clue Behaving.. he had lost his laughter .. his ability to realize why he had married me.. his thoughts on correct parts of life.. another big Clue..... his chatter .. trying to tell me something on TV and it ends up with him wanting his shoes from the roof.. eye brows up.. really.. so .. I kept hunting ... kept asking the computer small questions... answer as my Pop would say the Lights are not on the Top Floor.. his mind.. Electric is not working properly in the brain... no kidding... the Doc took all my notes and thoughts and records of his behavior and what I found on the net.. and they started him on a med for his brain.. to help it regain balance.. now the hard part keep him on a routine for food fluid and pills in the morning before I go to work... and it started to work... His Mom and My Mom both realized he had changed for the better by July... now the Man is bored in the house.. so I started to dig again a job a small job with interest he has .. and kiddo that is not much after 8 years of morphine... but it worked... Promoter of a Race Track not just any or group.. but one he grew up on and we have been connected to for the last 15 years.. of volunteering.. he is well liked and may have a real race with indy cars in 2018........
he is happier.. I have done so much to find a balance... for his life to add to ours... and yet... this is the really hard part that your wife will agree on.. sex was gone for so long.. now things on him don't work like they did. shall we say.. and when they do .. I have had to turn off things inside me for so long that its hard to .. as the song says light that fire on a fly... and then there are times that I fear if I step wrong he will be angry all over the place at me for gee You name it and then fly off the handle...
so.. Remember when you loved her with all of your being..and wanted to be the light of her life and have her light your life more then anything... Remember when making her laugh made you a better man.. Remember when living with each other was easy and life was to great.... Dear Heart if you can you will find the key.. and things will get better... I promise.. for when I can get my Eddie Lee to Remember when he needed to love me.. our life flows easier.. and then there are the times when I see the demon coming back and know I have to be so careful talking walking touching something in the house and just life in general.....
Sorry all. but this is the truth .. Remember when life was easy and loving each other was the best.. go back to that time and hold that forever. love ardy..
in May of this year.. I kept medic dig for answer to why he was behaving like this.. Clue Behaving.. he had lost his laughter .. his ability to realize why he had married me.. his thoughts on correct parts of life.. another big Clue..... his chatter .. trying to tell me something on TV and it ends up with him wanting his shoes from the roof.. eye brows up.. really.. so .. I kept hunting ... kept asking the computer small questions... answer as my Pop would say the Lights are not on the Top Floor.. his mind.. Electric is not working properly in the brain... no kidding... the Doc took all my notes and thoughts and records of his behavior and what I found on the net.. and they started him on a med for his brain.. to help it regain balance.. now the hard part keep him on a routine for food fluid and pills in the morning before I go to work... and it started to work... His Mom and My Mom both realized he had changed for the better by July... now the Man is bored in the house.. so I started to dig again a job a small job with interest he has .. and kiddo that is not much after 8 years of morphine... but it worked... Promoter of a Race Track not just any or group.. but one he grew up on and we have been connected to for the last 15 years.. of volunteering.. he is well liked and may have a real race with indy cars in 2018........
he is happier.. I have done so much to find a balance... for his life to add to ours... and yet... this is the really hard part that your wife will agree on.. sex was gone for so long.. now things on him don't work like they did. shall we say.. and when they do .. I have had to turn off things inside me for so long that its hard to .. as the song says light that fire on a fly... and then there are times that I fear if I step wrong he will be angry all over the place at me for gee You name it and then fly off the handle...
so.. Remember when you loved her with all of your being..and wanted to be the light of her life and have her light your life more then anything... Remember when making her laugh made you a better man.. Remember when living with each other was easy and life was to great.... Dear Heart if you can you will find the key.. and things will get better... I promise.. for when I can get my Eddie Lee to Remember when he needed to love me.. our life flows easier.. and then there are the times when I see the demon coming back and know I have to be so careful talking walking touching something in the house and just life in general.....
Sorry all. but this is the truth .. Remember when life was easy and loving each other was the best.. go back to that time and hold that forever. love ardy..
Originally Posted by Travissss
I'm the alcoholic in this situation. Since I have been sober things have seemingly gotten worse in my marriage. We had a talk about how to support each other through this process but that talk seemed to have been a waste of breath. Yes I've been moody. Kinda of isolated. I've opened up little by little, talking about how this is for me. She talked about how it has been hard for her. But she just seems to be "over it" now. Days of silence between us. Extreme tension. A lack of consideration for each others feelings. I'm at fault here too. I'm just not sure what to do. If I break the silence I feel it will be met with passive defiance unless I say something deep. Followed by a conversation about how this is my fault. Idk if I need to back off or what. That's usually how these things get worse in my situation so Idk. I really need some help making it through this with my wife. Thank you for reading.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Singapore
Posts: 190
Hello Travis. I empathize a lot with your story.
Here is (some of) mine:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...g-anymore.html (My marriage is suffering because I'm not drinking anymore)
Here is (some of) mine:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...g-anymore.html (My marriage is suffering because I'm not drinking anymore)
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,699
That's good you talked, and I really, really hope she gets to Alanon.
I was the queen of the silent treatment.....we're often sick and in denial to the same level y'all can be (I don't recommend you tell her that BTW...) I was, and hey, it's easy to stay there because your problems are so much worse that mine that I don't have to face my own. LOL!!!
Here is another page from the Language of Letting go that helped me SO MUCH to just BE for a while.
In Between
Sometimes, to get from where we are to where we are going, we have to be willing to be in between.
One of the hardest parts of recovery is the concept of letting go of what is old and familiar, but what we don't want, and being willing to stand with our hands empty while we wait for God to fill them.
This may apply to feelings. We may have been full of hurt and anger. In some ways, these feelings may have become comfortably familiar. When we finally face and relinquish our grief, we may feel empty for a time. We are in between pain and the joy of serenity and acceptance.
Being in between can apply to relationships. To prepare ourselves for the new, we need to first let go of the old. This can be frightening. We may feel empty and lost for a time. We may feel all alone, wondering what is wrong with us for letting go of the proverbial bird in hand, when there is nothing in the bush.
Being in between can apply to many areas of life and recovery. We can be in between jobs, careers, homes, or goals. We can be in between behaviors as we let go of the old and are not certain what we will replace it with. This can apply to behaviors that have protected and served us well all of our life, such as caretaking and controlling.
We may have many feelings going on when we're in between: spurts of grief about what we have let go of or lost, and feelings of anxiety, fear, and apprehension about what's ahead. These are normal feelings for the in between place. Accept them. Feel them. Release them.
Being in between isn't fun, but it's necessary. It will not last forever. It may feel like we're standing still, but we're not. We're standing at the in between place. it's how we get from here to there. It is not the destination.
We are moving forward, even when we're in between.
Today, I will accept where I am as the ideal place for me to be. If I am in between, I will strive for the faith that this place is not without purpose, that it is moving me toward something good.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation
I was the queen of the silent treatment.....we're often sick and in denial to the same level y'all can be (I don't recommend you tell her that BTW...) I was, and hey, it's easy to stay there because your problems are so much worse that mine that I don't have to face my own. LOL!!!
Here is another page from the Language of Letting go that helped me SO MUCH to just BE for a while.
In Between
Sometimes, to get from where we are to where we are going, we have to be willing to be in between.
One of the hardest parts of recovery is the concept of letting go of what is old and familiar, but what we don't want, and being willing to stand with our hands empty while we wait for God to fill them.
This may apply to feelings. We may have been full of hurt and anger. In some ways, these feelings may have become comfortably familiar. When we finally face and relinquish our grief, we may feel empty for a time. We are in between pain and the joy of serenity and acceptance.
Being in between can apply to relationships. To prepare ourselves for the new, we need to first let go of the old. This can be frightening. We may feel empty and lost for a time. We may feel all alone, wondering what is wrong with us for letting go of the proverbial bird in hand, when there is nothing in the bush.
Being in between can apply to many areas of life and recovery. We can be in between jobs, careers, homes, or goals. We can be in between behaviors as we let go of the old and are not certain what we will replace it with. This can apply to behaviors that have protected and served us well all of our life, such as caretaking and controlling.
We may have many feelings going on when we're in between: spurts of grief about what we have let go of or lost, and feelings of anxiety, fear, and apprehension about what's ahead. These are normal feelings for the in between place. Accept them. Feel them. Release them.
Being in between isn't fun, but it's necessary. It will not last forever. It may feel like we're standing still, but we're not. We're standing at the in between place. it's how we get from here to there. It is not the destination.
We are moving forward, even when we're in between.
Today, I will accept where I am as the ideal place for me to be. If I am in between, I will strive for the faith that this place is not without purpose, that it is moving me toward something good.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 773
Congratulations on your sobriety!
Based on experiences with my now ex alcoholic husband in early recovery stages - this is what I have experienced.
He was always on this "pink cloud", wanting to talk about his program, and feelings, etc etc. Nothing about how it all affected me and DS.
I just wanted to be left alone, and did not feel like he was qualified to give me advice of what I should do and how I should act. Also did not want to hear blow by blow stories of his drunkenness and what he did. He was very pushy about me attending open meetings. And I thought for the longest time that he may be right and my staying it of his recovery may not be too supportive, but I just did. Turns out I was not wrong.
Your feelings are yours, her feelings are hers. You have a long road ahead of you, and so does she, expecting sunshine and roses right away is not realistic.
I wish you the best luck, day at a time 😊
Based on experiences with my now ex alcoholic husband in early recovery stages - this is what I have experienced.
He was always on this "pink cloud", wanting to talk about his program, and feelings, etc etc. Nothing about how it all affected me and DS.
I just wanted to be left alone, and did not feel like he was qualified to give me advice of what I should do and how I should act. Also did not want to hear blow by blow stories of his drunkenness and what he did. He was very pushy about me attending open meetings. And I thought for the longest time that he may be right and my staying it of his recovery may not be too supportive, but I just did. Turns out I was not wrong.
Your feelings are yours, her feelings are hers. You have a long road ahead of you, and so does she, expecting sunshine and roses right away is not realistic.
I wish you the best luck, day at a time 😊
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by Travissss
And no, I don't feel selfish reading comics at the bookstore.
" if my wife put me and my family through what ive put them through, and with a family and house to take care of and with my wife saying shes working on recovery, would i be ok with my wife going to the library to read whatever magazines she was interested in?"
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,281
What I see of your actions...
Someone embracing recovery, doing new things, taking what helps (what resonates.. what speaks to your gut, your intuition)... a willingness to step up in new actions.
You don't need to take any advice from us. A big part of this thread is giving you OPTIONS... new ways of looking at things.
Keep praying and you'll be lead to what YOU need. We don't know what that is... but we can contribute in various ways to offer you different outlooks.
Someone embracing recovery, doing new things, taking what helps (what resonates.. what speaks to your gut, your intuition)... a willingness to step up in new actions.
You don't need to take any advice from us. A big part of this thread is giving you OPTIONS... new ways of looking at things.
Keep praying and you'll be lead to what YOU need. We don't know what that is... but we can contribute in various ways to offer you different outlooks.
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