My sister is an alcoholic
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 85
My sister is an alcoholic
Hello all.
It's been awhile since I've posted. The last time I posted, I needed help dealing with my boyfriend's addiction to heroin. I am happy to report that he has been sober for 2 years and we are very happy. It's nice to feel like a normal couple.
My reason for posting now is for my sister. For years my sister has struggled with addiction, but alcohol is her vice. I have dealt with her substance abuse since I was a small child. I was always taking care of her. She is what's called an episodic alcoholic. That basically means that she can go months without drinking but when she does drink, she can't stop and she has some sort of emotional episode. These episodes have become increasingly frequent. My family can no longer handle it. As of recently, this has included numerous suicide attempts while she was intoxicated. I'm always taking her to the hospital. I call the police when she drinks and drives. And I've spoken to counselors. I've spoken with her friends pleading them not to drink with her. I've done more than my own parents. And now she refuses to speak with me. My experiences dealing with my boyfriend when he was struggling with his heroin addiction has helped me tremendously to not enable my sister. I've done everything that I can to help. But I'm really struggling because I feel like I've lost her. I resent my parents for not making the hard decisions, forcing me to do it for them. I guess I can't blame them. Not having children myself, I can't imagine what they must be feeling.
It's been awhile since I've posted. The last time I posted, I needed help dealing with my boyfriend's addiction to heroin. I am happy to report that he has been sober for 2 years and we are very happy. It's nice to feel like a normal couple.
My reason for posting now is for my sister. For years my sister has struggled with addiction, but alcohol is her vice. I have dealt with her substance abuse since I was a small child. I was always taking care of her. She is what's called an episodic alcoholic. That basically means that she can go months without drinking but when she does drink, she can't stop and she has some sort of emotional episode. These episodes have become increasingly frequent. My family can no longer handle it. As of recently, this has included numerous suicide attempts while she was intoxicated. I'm always taking her to the hospital. I call the police when she drinks and drives. And I've spoken to counselors. I've spoken with her friends pleading them not to drink with her. I've done more than my own parents. And now she refuses to speak with me. My experiences dealing with my boyfriend when he was struggling with his heroin addiction has helped me tremendously to not enable my sister. I've done everything that I can to help. But I'm really struggling because I feel like I've lost her. I resent my parents for not making the hard decisions, forcing me to do it for them. I guess I can't blame them. Not having children myself, I can't imagine what they must be feeling.
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
First let me say congratulations to your BF's recovery from H. Not many people can or do recover from it, and it's a long and hard struggle. Good stuff for both of you!
I am so sorry for what you are going through with your sister. I have a sister and I really cannot imagine how difficult it is. Seeing those you love go down the rabbit hole of addiction is gut wrenching. You can however know that you have done everything within your power to help your sister. As you know, to recover, she would have to want it for herself.
Maybe going no contact with her would be better for you? I know that is sad, but sometimes turning them over to God and letting them decide if they are going to recover, or not, is the only thing left. I cannot say one way or the other, but I do know that loving someone from afar does not mean you love them any less, it simply means a relationship with them is so toxic that eventually they will drag you down with them.
Big hugs. Keep posting, you are not alone.
I am so sorry for what you are going through with your sister. I have a sister and I really cannot imagine how difficult it is. Seeing those you love go down the rabbit hole of addiction is gut wrenching. You can however know that you have done everything within your power to help your sister. As you know, to recover, she would have to want it for herself.
Maybe going no contact with her would be better for you? I know that is sad, but sometimes turning them over to God and letting them decide if they are going to recover, or not, is the only thing left. I cannot say one way or the other, but I do know that loving someone from afar does not mean you love them any less, it simply means a relationship with them is so toxic that eventually they will drag you down with them.
Big hugs. Keep posting, you are not alone.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 85
Thank you. That really does help. Her behavior infuriates me, really. She's the one who has done nothing but make our lives hell for years, yet I'm the bad guy. But that has that's always been my issue with addicts; I try to rationalize irrational behavior.
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
I'm always taking her to the hospital. I call the police when she drinks and drives. And I've spoken to counselors. I've spoken with her friends pleading them not to drink with her.
Since none of that has worked, it’s time to try something different.
I second the idea of – going no contact. Become the example to your parents for detaching and handling this situation in a healthy way rather than an emotional turmoil one.
Not only do you need to set some strong boundaries with your sister you need to set some with your parents as well.
Since none of that has worked, it’s time to try something different.
I second the idea of – going no contact. Become the example to your parents for detaching and handling this situation in a healthy way rather than an emotional turmoil one.
Not only do you need to set some strong boundaries with your sister you need to set some with your parents as well.
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by selpats 
. She's the one who has done nothing but make our lives hell for years, yet I'm the bad guy. But that has that's always been my issue with addicts; I try to rationalize irrational behavior.
who is allowing it in your life? who is allowing unacceptable behavior around you?
who is the one responsible for what happens to and around you?
also:
what makes you think youre so powerful that you can get a person get clean and sober when the person doesnt want to get clean and sober?what makes you think you can do what others cant?
i had to toss my brother out of my life about 9 or so years ago. too much drama and chaos with his alcoholism/addiction. i put more value on my peace and serenity then on having a relationship with him while hes in active alcoholism/addiction.
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,792
S,
I to have to agree with the other posters. She doesn't want to be saved. We all have tried saving our addicts, it just doesn't work. They have to hit rock bottom before they will realize that. Maybe you not taking her to the hospital, she will wake up and realize that it's time to seek support.
If someone wants to kill themselves, they will, it is truly out of our control. Seek out some meetings, find out why you feel she is your responsibility to save. Work on your self care and give Her to God to watch over. I don't think you have that power to save her, and if some thing does happen and you couldnt help her, I don't think you will ever forgive yourself.. Hugs to you and I am sorry.
I to have to agree with the other posters. She doesn't want to be saved. We all have tried saving our addicts, it just doesn't work. They have to hit rock bottom before they will realize that. Maybe you not taking her to the hospital, she will wake up and realize that it's time to seek support.
If someone wants to kill themselves, they will, it is truly out of our control. Seek out some meetings, find out why you feel she is your responsibility to save. Work on your self care and give Her to God to watch over. I don't think you have that power to save her, and if some thing does happen and you couldnt help her, I don't think you will ever forgive yourself.. Hugs to you and I am sorry.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 85
All,
Thank you for your support. I wish no contact was possible for me. However, I moved back in with my parents after graduating college. They are still in contact with my sister, so she comes over from time to time. I do my best to avoid her, but it's so hurtful and hard. My parents have astonishing denial. They recently kicked her out of the house. Now that she's gone, it's like they can just pretend the problem isn't there when she comes over. It's like just because they are no longer a witness to the destruction, they pretend it's not happening. It's frustrating to watch.
Thank you for your support. I wish no contact was possible for me. However, I moved back in with my parents after graduating college. They are still in contact with my sister, so she comes over from time to time. I do my best to avoid her, but it's so hurtful and hard. My parents have astonishing denial. They recently kicked her out of the house. Now that she's gone, it's like they can just pretend the problem isn't there when she comes over. It's like just because they are no longer a witness to the destruction, they pretend it's not happening. It's frustrating to watch.
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
It is so hard to watch. Maybe the solution is for you to leave when she comes over. Be honest in a respectful way in discussing w/your parents, you are living under their roof. So, I would say the next best thing you can do for yourself is to work towards moving out and getting some distance from your sister and your parents, yes?
Big hugs.
Big hugs.
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