Onefortheditch

Soooo we were away this week on holiday and he was ok. Not drinking before 6. It’s hard work keeping a man child occupied but we had a nice week.
Then tonight we had a wedding to go to. Cue the anxiety.
Only had 3 cans all day apparently. I have my doubts.
We get to the wedding at 7. 6 pints of lager later he’s hammered and actually goes to get a doubly whiskey. He’s sober according to him!!! Argumentative drunken behaviour commenced.
He wouldn’t give me the van keys so I had to ring my parents (I’m 45) to pick me up and had to walk 3 miles in the dark on my own to get to where they could fetch me down unlit lanes. And it took them half hour to get to me. Luckily my iPhone had battery and lit the way.
He drove to me in the van as I was walking, wasted, and when I wouldn’t get in sceeeched off.
He’s a total disgrace and I’ve kicked him out.
Never mind him but *I* have reached rock bottom.
Can anyone beat having to drag their elderly parents out of bed to collect them?

Hawkeye13

I'm so sorry--I'm glad you're safe and I hope he didn't hurt anyone driving loaded like that.

Sometimes it just takes that final thing to galvanize you into taking action.
Wishing you the best OFD

dandylion

Onefortheditch.....yes, it is truly awful, what a drunk will put other people through. It must have been an awful evening for you....
I think, that, maybe, you just reached your tipping point.
And, to add insult to injury...he probably won't remember most of it (blackout drinking)....

MVJ

Sorry to say but lots of people will have suffered far worse days caused by alcohol and the alcoholic. Does he want to stop?

Onefortheditch

Trust me. This is just this evening. I’ve been pinned to bed by my throat, my lip split, screamed at thrown up on argued with daily for weeks at a time, called a fat b*tch told I’m ugly old spotty etc etc. I know what far worse is but there’s something particularly bad about tonight...probably that it’s yet another addition to the above.
No he doesn’t and he never will

Onefortheditch

Ditto. One of mine is the fact he blames me for his bad behaviour.

dandylion

Oneforthe ditch....it tonight particularly bad, because of the public nature of?

Humiliation and embarrassment?

Haven333

I'm so so sorry, your entire experience sounds awful.

Please seek out resources for domestic violence survivors. Just as this board has informed you about alcoholism and empowered you to take action, I think you'd find information and community around the issue of domestic violence to be helpful as you process what you've been through and make plans for the future.

Onefortheditch

I don’t know. I’ve felt my patience wearing thinner and thinner and I’ve felt less and less attracted to him lately.
He’s just so argumentative when he’s drunk and if he said yep I’m drunk let’s go home id cope better.
But no. He can apparently drink 6 pints in two hours and a double whiskey and be cold sober.
He just has to start on about my ex or whether I love him or not endlessly and if I don’t phrase the answer how he wants it in the same way every time he asks that’s his excuse to lose his rag. Tonight it was in public. I could literally die of embarrassment.

Onefortheditch

I’m going to do that right now. Thank you. That’s how I feel. Abused. No one knows the truth apart from on here.

Maudcat

Several years ago, before I moved back to Massachusetts, I was visiting the area for the weekend.
I was driving to my mother’s house. About four blocks away, I saw her walking.
She was in her eighties then.
It was a cold, raw day, not a good day to be out walking.
So I stopped and picked her up,
Asked her where she was going on such a dirty day.
She hemmed and hawed for a bit, then came out with it.
She was walking to the nearest packie, almost a mile each way, to buy booze for my addict sib.
He had the withdrawal shakes and couldn’t walk without falling down.
I don’t think I ever felt so sad about anything as I did that day.

dandylion

Onefortheditch....absolutely do that!! It would be the best thing you can do for yourself. Tell them everything, and they will understand without judgement....
Their only goal is to help you.....

You have been abused...and, it is wrong. It is not your fault. He has no right...and, there is NO EXCUSE....Being drunk is not an acceptable excuse...

Love is not abusive...love does not hurt this bad....

Sasha1972

Your experience sounds terrible, and in my view, what is happening to you is not love. It sounds like you are being treated like an object, not a person. That is horribly dehumanizing, over time. The fact that you are considering calling a domestic violence line is a sign of power and shows that you have NOT been beaten down into helplessness. You are clearly a very strong person, despite being stuck with an abusive addict for a long time. I really encourage you in this!

Maudcat

Dandy is so right.
Love shouldn’t hurt.

AnvilheadII

I’ve been pinned to bed by my throat, my lip split, screamed at thrown up on argued with daily for weeks at a time, called a fat b*tch told I’m ugly old spotty etc etc. I know what far worse is but there’s something particularly bad about tonight...probably that it’s yet another addition to the above.

any one of those are reasons to get far far away from this man. this IS abuse. hands to throat is strangling, a desire to cut the life off of the other person. that is a vastly different issue than alcoholism.

your situation is precarious. take caution. contact your local DV group. there is a way out but you must be careful. there is simply no fixing this situation. he will not get better. you will always be his victim, his target. the alcohol compounds the problem.

be safe.

Bekindalways

This sounds horrible One. I so hope you can find support beyond us . . . no offense to those of us at sober recovery!

Let us know how it goes and please, please take whatever steps you can to get out of this situation.

Smarie78

Boyfriend decided to take my debit card to buy me a soda and instead buys a pint of vodka, comes over and passes out on the couch after he pees on it. Then as he’s passed out decides to leave his phone out with text preview on and I got to stumble across the latest woman he is screwing and all her messages yearning for him. He has an Asian fetish and of course I look her up and she is asian. Last girl he cheated on me with was asian. I am not asian. I broke up with him and didn’t even cry.

My dog also decided to pee on the carpet today.

Sorry to hijack your thread I just had to have a laugh to myself when I read the title. And yes your evening sounds much worse than mine. I am so sorry for what has happened to you. This isn’t worth it. It’s a horrible way to live. Maybe we....leave?

Maudcat

Smarie, this is it.
Kick his sorry ass to the curb.
You are better than this.
Also, apologize for hijacking.

Ariesagain

I don’t get a vote...but yes, absolutely, positively both of you....

LEAVE.

You both have suffered much too much.

ENOUGH.

Sending you both a fierce hug.

honeypig

OFD, I wish Lexiecat was here to talk to you about this...she has years of experience w/domestic violence in her work. The best I can do to fill her shoes is to echo something I've seen her post many times: Choking or strangling someone is a significant prediction factor for future LETHAL VIOLENCE. The other things are all bad, but choking carries the biggest red flag of all. PLEASE protect yourself and find a way to get out ASAP. Please contact a DV center.

The Dangers of Strangulation ? The National Domestic Violence Hotline

https://www.mosaicmethod.com