More Will Be Revealed
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,792
More Will Be Revealed
Dear Friends
I wanted to start this thread as a way of sharing my experience, and hope it will help some of us who are experiencing self doubt during the early stages of their own recovery.
I had my last drink and left my long term partner in March of 2014. At the time, I struggled with my decision a LOT. I am sure you all can relate.
We are in the middle of an amicable divorce that has mandated a few recent face to face meetings. Yesterday he came by to discuss some additional paperwork the court needs to complete the divorce. He was the one who filed, and he didn't turn in some required financial disclosures.
I was struck by how much his appearance has deteriorated. Even since the beginning of August when I last saw him.
He went on to tell me that his dentist says he has an infected tooth that needs to be extracted, but he is not going to do that, nor is he taking the prescribed antibiotics. He had the prescription filled, but wants to save it for when he "really needs it." This was quacking all over the place.
I sat back in my chair and realized that I don't have a shred of denial left about how bad his addiction is. I also realized that I saw things correctly when I left him.
I thought about all you guys and gals who share here. I am so grateful for all of you. Leaving someone I loved was hard enough with a support group like this. Without it, would have been impossible.
I wanted to start this thread as a way of sharing my experience, and hope it will help some of us who are experiencing self doubt during the early stages of their own recovery.
I had my last drink and left my long term partner in March of 2014. At the time, I struggled with my decision a LOT. I am sure you all can relate.
We are in the middle of an amicable divorce that has mandated a few recent face to face meetings. Yesterday he came by to discuss some additional paperwork the court needs to complete the divorce. He was the one who filed, and he didn't turn in some required financial disclosures.
I was struck by how much his appearance has deteriorated. Even since the beginning of August when I last saw him.
He went on to tell me that his dentist says he has an infected tooth that needs to be extracted, but he is not going to do that, nor is he taking the prescribed antibiotics. He had the prescription filled, but wants to save it for when he "really needs it." This was quacking all over the place.
I sat back in my chair and realized that I don't have a shred of denial left about how bad his addiction is. I also realized that I saw things correctly when I left him.
I thought about all you guys and gals who share here. I am so grateful for all of you. Leaving someone I loved was hard enough with a support group like this. Without it, would have been impossible.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,424
Watching my mom deteriorate that way was hard--it still hurts
years after she's gone.
I'm sorry he hasn't chosen to stop--you are such a compassionate soul
I'm sure this must make your heart ache, but I agree
you made the right choice
years after she's gone.
I'm sorry he hasn't chosen to stop--you are such a compassionate soul
I'm sure this must make your heart ache, but I agree
you made the right choice
Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
I stopped by to see my mom yesterday, and my addicted sib, who lives with her, was drunk and yakky, as happens at times when he is wasted.
I avoid him when I visit, as he is toxic and wrecks my serenity, but I couldn’t yesterday, alas.
He looks terrible. He is fat and red. His hygiene is awful. He cuts his own hair, and it shows. His clothing is dirty.
The housecleaner, a lovely woman, was there.
I was so embarrassed.
I hate this disease.
I avoid him when I visit, as he is toxic and wrecks my serenity, but I couldn’t yesterday, alas.
He looks terrible. He is fat and red. His hygiene is awful. He cuts his own hair, and it shows. His clothing is dirty.
The housecleaner, a lovely woman, was there.
I was so embarrassed.
I hate this disease.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Friend, you are so right. I see my XAH on a regular basis b/c we share both children and the same church. I don't say much about it, but I have had many people tell me how bad he looks, and I agree. It's amazing the state they will let themselves go to.
I guess when his tooth hurts enough he will take the medication. Who knows.
Either way, thank God it's not your problem. You are a blessing and I am so glad you are in a better place friend! I too do not know what I would do without the fine people here at SR!
I guess when his tooth hurts enough he will take the medication. Who knows.
Either way, thank God it's not your problem. You are a blessing and I am so glad you are in a better place friend! I too do not know what I would do without the fine people here at SR!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,792
E,
Sending big hugs to you that you are moving forward. I know you just want to shake him and say get your shxt together, I can help you. But we act like it doesn't matter and you are cordial, its just another day in a life of an alcoholic.
I am sorry as everything resurfaces when you see them. Your heart hurts. We get it and I am sorry. Thank God that you are in a better place then you were in 3 years ago.
Sending big hugs to you that you are moving forward. I know you just want to shake him and say get your shxt together, I can help you. But we act like it doesn't matter and you are cordial, its just another day in a life of an alcoholic.
I am sorry as everything resurfaces when you see them. Your heart hurts. We get it and I am sorry. Thank God that you are in a better place then you were in 3 years ago.
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