koffee

Hi Everyone
I am living with a alcoholic. She is a beautiful person when sober, but the very opposite when she drinks. She embarrasses my step children, and says mean cruel things. If I leave her, I will lose my step children who are the most important thing in my life. How can any human leave children to a hopeless situation. I have never felt so powerless about a situation in my life. My chest hurts, I find my depression so overwhelming. I have pray many times to have something tragic to happen to me, so it makes the choice for me. I know it is selfish to think that way, but my depression is getting worse. I don't know how to live with this insanity and keep my children. I feel so sick. How do people live with this?

JT

Welcome to SR!

You have come to a place where there are many in your same shoes.

If you are depressed I would get some help for that. It is very stressful to live the way many of us live and it can affect your physical as well as your mental health.

Make yourself at home,
JT

redrose0729

Hi Koffee and welcome to SR. Comming here posting and reading has helped me alot. I subjest you keep comming back and doing the same also check into alanon meetings in your area there is nothing you can do about her but there is alot you can do about yourself. There are ways you can live and have serenity and you need to do that because those children need you to . My hat is off to you it takes a special man to love children they did not father as if they did. I wish there were more men in the world like you. Alcohol and drug addiction affects everyone involved the best thing you can do is focus on yourself and the things you want for your life and the lives of the children involved I know its hard because if you left you would have to leave the kids behind I wish I had more words of comfort to you but I hope you find comfort in knowing that you are not alone we are here for you please keep coming back and let us know how its going.
Rose

gelfling

Hi Koffee,

Welcome to SR. There are awesome people that offer great support and love.

You need to start going to alanon meetings. If the children are old enough, you might look into meetings for them too. Question: are they aware of what's going on? If so, please do the meetings with them.

You'll get wonderful support and learn how to cope and detach from the A. Please don't think negative thoughts as to dying, etc. If you do, who's going to care for the kids? Was that enough of a guilt trip??? I hope so.

Do the meetings. You won't be sorry.

Blessings, Kathy

SJW

Start by going to a doctor about your depression, and at the same time look for some Al-Anon meetings to go to. The hopelessness you feel is normal for people living with an alcoholic when you focus on the alcoholic and his/her behavior. The posts above have all mentioned taking care of yourself. Not taking care of yourself hasn't changed anything with your alcoholic, but maybe getting better yourself will have a positive affect on her, too. And even if it doesn't, you need to do it for yourself. There is not a single thing you can do to stop her drinking unless and until she is ready to do that for herself. You didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you can't cure it. It's not your fault!

So, since none of what you have done in the past has worked, how about trying something new? Get yourself better! That's the best thing for you, your stepchildren, and your alcoholic.

You can do it!!! Everyone of us has felt the anxiety, confusion, anger, and pain that you are feeling. You'd be amazed how much support and positive advice you will get from people who have been right where you are now. There IS hope and peace for your future. But it will take some work on your part. Make the choice to get better and you will find ways to do it. There's lots of help for friends and families of alcoholics. You've made a good start by coming here.

Keep coming back.

SJW

Magichappens

Hi Koffee,
Welcome. I have learned how to live because I made the decision to change me. I couldn't do that without help. I sought the help of Al-Anon, an individual counsellor, and these boards. Through the help of Al-Anon, I have been able to learn to take care of me, and let the alcoholic be responsible for his own decisions and actions. The support that I have found has shown me that I am a lovable, worthwhile, and strong person. It has helped me to know that I am not alone, and that there are many who struggle with the same things.

It has taken time to begin to heal, and grow. Recovery is not an overnight fix. No one will make our decisions for us, but we support each other in making the decisions that are right for us.

To find an Al-Anon meeting in your area, http://www.al-anon-alateen.org/english.html and select "How to locate a meeting."

Keep coming here. You will find that there are people who are finding serenity and even happiness, whether the alcoholic is still drinking or not. Browse the forum, post, or reply. Don't miss the powerposts at the top of the forum. There is a great book list there, as well as good information. You aren't alone, and you don't have to go through this alone. Hugs, Magic