amy55

I think it's coming to a time that I really need to make a decision about the rest of my life. For the people that know me here, you already know that I bought a raised log cabin that had to be completely renovated. I did that, and my cabin and I were healing together. Sometimes though, I start to think that I am getting cabin fever.

It's dark in my place. It's an older log cabin, not many windows. I was thinking of putting sky lights in, since I also think I need to replace my roof. Thing is, while I am thinking about this, I am also thinking about is this really where I want to stay.

I don't know. Things are really going good with me and my son and my youngest daughter. I live in Pa., they live in Maryland. I want to be close to them, but I can't afford Maryland.

My oldest daughter, (drama queen) haven't posted much about her recently. Well, her boyfriend dumped her. She then called my sister to try to get money from her, saying that her stbx severely beat her son, and that she needed money, then told others that her son (my grandson) was admitted to a psych ward. All of that was false. What happened was, my grandson was having a tantrum (he is age 12) and the father brought him to the hospital to see the psychiatrist. He was not kept at the hospital. My daughter then called my mom and got $12,000. from my mom for help with her divorce. This was after getting more then $3500. previously. Have no idea of how much she got out of my mom, but I know it's a lot more then that. Oh, and now my daughter also set up a Go Fund Me account.

I don't know, probably not making sense here, but there are so many things that are bothering me right now. I still have no contact with my daughter other then she recently emailed me telling me that she would have to move to a DV shelter with her children, (my grandsons), and I replied to her that she only contacts me when she needs money, and it ended with her threatening me with a Restraining Order again.

So, I don't reply to her anymore, but I guess that wasn't really what I was posting about.

I'm just really getting confused here because I don't know if my feeling about wanting to move on and move to a different place is more of me wanting to just run away from my life.

I know I was thinking about moving before these other things popped up, I just don't know. I was thinking about Florida last year, but I never did that because my son and dtr-in-law had a baby.

I don't know what I am really asking or thinking, I think sometimes when I feel I am going crazy, I just need to write things out.

So, I guess to shorten this, I don't know if I made the right move to move where I am. I think my house and I healed together and maybe it's time to start my life again. I don't want to move that far from my son and daughter that I do speak to, but I can't afford it. My head is always cloudy from my oldest daughters drama. Do I really want to move to somewhere that is a plane ride away, or am I just trying to escape reality? I just don't know.

For anyone who read this, thank you for reading this craziness.

amy

hopeful4

HI Amy.

I love that you and your cabin healed together. Pretty neat. I am so glad you recognize your daughter's abuse of people and that you don't let her do that to you any longer. You are strong.

Have you checked to see if there are any little towns outside where your other family live that may be more affordable? I know here I live about 1.5 hours from the city. I would never be able to afford living there, however, the prices are much, much lower here. Just a thought.

Keep posting and thinking it out friend. We are here for you!

Big hugs!

Maudcat

Hi, Amy.
I can relate.
I lived in the Mid-atlantic—Maryland, then Pennsylvania—and really liked a lot of things about it.
Long springs and falls. Summers were a bit goopy, but okay.
We now live in Massauchsetts, not far from where I grew up, and it’s definitely different. I like it okay, but do still wrestle with moving back to the mid-atlantic.
I have also thought about Florida. My bestie lives there.
But I don’t think so. Just not my cup of tea.
Kind of important for us now is access to healthcare and physicians, which we have here, so...a plus.
Is Maryland so much more expensive than where you are in PA?
I lived outside Philadelphia, Upper Dublin, and r e taxes were 3 times what I pay now.
Course, we had more services.
In Maryland, We lived in the Wheaton-Silver Spring area, and my impression was that Northern Virginia was really pricy, but Maryland less so.
How about Delaware? Low taxes and some really pretty areas.
On another not, those older style log cabins can be dark.
My dil’s mom lived in one for a while, and that was my impression as well.
If you do decide to stay, I think skylights are a great idea. If you need a new roof, you might consider installing solar panels.
Don’t know what kind of deals are out there now, but it might not be a bad idea to check it out.
Good luck. I always enjoy your posts. Let us know what you decide.

dandylion

Maudcat...I lived in Wheaton --Silver Spring Area for several years when I was first married and had my children...! Wow...small world, huh?

dandylion

Amy....I think that this is a common crossroads that we come to as time goes on....
and, it sure can be perplexing.....
So many factors to be considered....and each person's life situation is sooo scenario dependent......
This I know...this sure isn't unique, just to you....
In fact, I am thinking about the same k ind of thing.....UUgh!

I don't think it has anything to do with "going crazy"...lol...

Ariesagain

Fall is a restless time of year. I think we all feel like migrating!

Maybe give it some time and explore options closer to your son? Maybe a smaller place would be viable? We just moved across the country to a place with lower taxes and far less maintenance because we knew we couldn’t handle our old place too much longer. My parents waited much too long and we didn’t want to make that mistake.

Your daughter. Sigh. Can you get your mom to promise to call you before she hands over any more money? Ideally if she can afford it and still has capacity you’d stay out of it, but sometimes you have to protect others. Those poor kids...

It’s good to “see” you!

dandylion

I would like to add a comment...more like a public service announcement.....
I think that when one is considering a place to live, long term...it is important to think about STEPS.....a place with no steps is a blessing, as one gets to middle age and beyond....because, so many people will have some amount of arthritis or chronic musculoskeletal problem of some kind. Or, even if one has an injury or illness that inhibits mobility, in some way. In these situations, steps can be very limiting....
Also, if one does have steps, having a bathroom on the first floor...or the plumbing possibilities of adding on bathroom fixtures....
I remember going to see my orthropedic surgeon for problems with tendonitis/osteoarthritis in one of my knees...and he was expounding on this....he said that it is something that younger patients don't think about until a problem arises....

Amy....I know that you are still young to think about these things...but I am just giving a heads up, if you are thinking about moving to another house, at some point....

theuncertainty

((((Amy)))) I think this:
answers your question about whether it was the right thing or not. (FWIW, I'm thinking it was.) Just listening/reading and sending hugs.

Maudcat

We lived in Kensington, dandy, just down the road from Wheaton.
It was nice.

dandylion

Maud....my sister lived in Kensington for many years....on Plyer's Mill road...a few blocks down from Connecticut Ave. Were you living there when the DC sniper was around?

***Sorry, Amy. for hijacking this thread....

Maudcat

Amy, agree with Dandy about the steps.
Think you’re ready for condo living?
I have thought about it. Don’t think I’m ready for it yet, but....

amy55

I've been thinking about this all day long. Was even trying to find smaller, cheaper towns around my son. I have a lot of thinking to do about this, but I think moving closer to my son and daughter makes the most sense.

Dandy, I am considering the steps. I live in a raised ranch right now. I walk into the basement then have to climb the steps to my living space. I didn't consider the steps when I moved here.

I think regardless of what I decide, I need to do the roof next year. My roof was done in 1987, so it really does need it, and will most likely put in the skylights. I have a friend that is a real estate agent so I will ask him about the skylights. If I decide to stay here, the skylights are a must. I have 10 lights on all day long and it still feels dark in here.

So, the only thing that is really keeping me here is my friends. I thought this out, and I think that since I am getting older and my grandson is not even a year yet, that this is what I should be doing. Moving closer to my son. I don't mind the 3 hour travel time now for the visit, but I am sure that I don't want to continue to do this for years and years. I can always visit my friends every few months, and they have a room for me to stay in for when I visit.

So now, the what kind of dwelling, and where. I am considering south Pa, west Md, Delaware, and areas between Frederick Md and Baltimore Md, if I can find an older town, with cheap houses. Considering condo, single fam house (preferably a ranch), and double wides.

I will have to only look for places that are OK with the sale being contingent on the sale of my home.

I also considered where I am living now. I live near Hazleton Pa. It's kind of a depressed area. So, not only does it feel dark in my house, the area feels bleak with roads needing repair, abandoned houses falling down, and not much to do here.

I'm visiting my son this weekend and I am going to talk to him about this.

Now, for my daughter....... My mother does have the money for this presently. I only know about the money that my daughter hit up my mother for from my older sister. She got that info from my moms boyfriend. So my mom has no idea that any of us know about this. My mom no longer discusses my daughter with me. I am not saying anything to my mom about this, because it is her money and she has the right to do with it as she wants. My youngest sister wants me to say something to my mom, because my younger sister is worried about her inheritance from mom. I'm staying out of everything. If I felt that it was elder abuse to someone who was being taken advantage of and couldn't afford it, I would do something, but it's my moms money. My mom is lucid and not going senile.

A funny story about the DC sniper, or I-95 sniper. This happened the year that my son started at UMBC. I met his roommate and the roommates dad. The dad did not seem "right in the head" to me. I remember them saying they thought the sniper had military training. This dad did. He was also dressed in camouflage. I was afraid to leave my son that day. Then I started hearing about them searching Silver Springs Md for this sniper. That is where they were from. I was so happy that it turned out to be someone else.

I'll keep you updated on this, but I think it's more that I need to make this move. It's not that I feel isolated, but I feel isolated from my family being this far away.

(((((((((hugs, and thanks)))))))))))
amy

dandylion

Amy....lol...that is funny...but, I do remember that we were all so "paranoid" and scared, around that time!! I had n ever thought about "white paneled trucks"....then, suddenly I was seeing them everywhere.....

Maudcat

Amy, I know Hazleton, and you are right, it’s kinda depressing.
Coal country.
Despite what our president says, imo, coal jobs are gone and they ain’t coming back.
I don’t t know what Maryland real-estate is like now. There used to be towns outside the Washington metro area that were reasonable, but that may have all changed. it’s been a while.
You have time. Take some trips, do some online research. Lots of towns now have websites that has info about real estate, services, etc.
If I were moving, I would try to find something on the Delmarva peninsula.
But that’s me.

Maudcat

This is exciting!
I love thinking about where I will live next.

53500

Yes! It does. I'd certainly do that if I were in your shoes.

amy55

Ok, so talked to my youngest daughter today. This is the one who recently started to talk to me again. Probably about 1 year that we reconnected. She called me to ask me to visit her because she needs help with some things. So this weekend I visit my son, 2 weeks after that I visit my daughter.

I told my daughter that I was thinking about moving closer. She was surprised, because she said "but I you just did all that beautiful work to your house". I told her the house needed to heal, and I needed to heal, and we are both healed and it's time to move on. She told me that if I did this, she would be really happy since we can see each other more often. Then we just talked for about 2 hours. She is also going to try to visit when I visit with my son.

I found a few places today that would be affordable. Going to take my time in this though and check out the towns. It seems that the most affordable is a double wide or a condo. The houses in the price range that I am looking for need too much work, and I'm getting too old to do all that again.

I would love the Delmarva peninsula, but that would be too much of a drive. When I was first thinking of leaving my ex that was where I was looking. Sussex Co Del is really inexpensive. I need to keep researching more, but I was finding a lot of affordable houses or double wides in Adams Co, Pa. That would be about 35 mins to my sons house, and a little over an hour to my daughters house. Still need to research the little towns that are in between both my son and daughter. I do think my mind is made up about this though. It's almost like this has become a waiting station, and now it's time to "Get busy living, or get busy dying". I know it's morbid to think about it that way, but I'm not getting younger, and I don't know how long I can keep making those long drives, and I need to be closer to my children.

Maudcat, no, coal is never coming back. I don't care if it's clean coal (lol) or not. I don't even know what clean coal is. This whole area is old coal mining towns.

amy

Maudcat

I think you are very wise.
My parents SAVED for their old age, which is great, as now my mom has enough money to live on, and we can get her a caregiver if it comes to that.
But they didn’t PLAN for their old age.
If they had, they would have sold their barn of a house and moved into something more managable as they aged in place.
My father died 10 years ago.
A blessing really, as he was not healthy and had dementia. My mom could never have taken care of him.
So now my mom lives in a house that is really too big for her—and there are stairs—but it is economically the best place for her, and it is familiar.
So I am taking a lesson from my parents.
Don’t know where I will end up. For the moment, I am liking it where I live now.

qtpi

Northern Delaware also has some very nice affordable areas- I live there now. Check out Cecil County and Harford County Maryland.

I am house hunting and looking for something small I can age in- no steps, safe, no maintenance. I have even considered staying in my little apartment! I need a bit more room and I like the idea of owning a home, but I still am in the deciding stage.

Good luck deciding and keep us in the loop!

amy55

Hi friends,

Got back today from visiting my son. I told him of my plans and he was overjoyed, both him and his wife. It made me feel so good. My daughter also came over because she knew I would be there.

I would love to move to Delaware but it is too far from my son, and he is the one with the baby. He lives in Frederick Md.

So, have been doing some research since I got home today. Think I will be looking in the Gettysburg Pa area. It's about 35 mins from my son, about an hour + to my daughter. I get a federal pension, it is not taxed in Pa, it is in Md. I also thought since I am getting older (will be 62 in Dec), I might not want to drive that much, and right now I am driving from Pa to NJ for everything. My son can pick me up on the way and I can still make all the events, when I no longer feel like driving that far.

It's funny, I put in so much work into this house, but it doesn't feel like home. I love it, don't get me wrong, but this isn't where I am supposed to be.

I can't believe that I am starting to get excited about this. I really haven't been excited about anything for many years. It really was just like I bought a house that felt like I felt. It was in bad shape, and so was I. My house needs a new owner that can love it for the way it is, and not remember the hardship that we went through together.

When I came home tonight, I looked around my house, and I thought, we are good, we did good, you are beautiful. Thing is, it's not the beauty that I am looking for right now. I am looking at the beauty of finally looking forward to starting my life over again.

amy