Mango blast

I'm having a hard time being in No Contact today, but the reality is... who would I contact anyway?

A drunk who has never cared as much about me as he has alcohol, his friends, his job, his family of origin....

No. That sucks. WHY would I want to contact him if he's sober, let alone when he's embracing his illness.

Parents who severely psychologically abused me throughout childhood and adulthood? F-that!

My grown children, when I'm in a crappy mood due to overflowing emotions? Ummm..... probably a really good idea to wait.

So instead I post here and connect with friends who get it. Who understand without judgement.

And DS10 and I are hanging out at the mall. I'm gravitating to fun areas and places with healthy people. If I don't like something someone nearby says, I get up and leave... I find a new space to enjoy. Just like I'm doing on a bigger scale in my life. My husband criticizes me for walking away... it's MY greatest survival skill and I'm glad to be strengthening it.

I'm recognizing my emotions and DS10 is recognizing his. So thankful we can both say, "this sucks." and then in the next breath see all we're thankful for... including time and distance from the chaos.

Easy does it. One day at a time.

maia1234

Ktf,
Complain way, we get it !
Hugs!!

dellaND

I struggle with this minute by minute right now with only being 6 days gone from my XABF without contact. I constantly wish I would get an email text or phone call or want to contact him myself. But, I don't even know what I would say or reply. And I could probably predict his reaction and conversation topics and mood towards me anyway and none of it would be productive, meaningful, or good and most likely just hurt me even more. I can't wait for the day where I no longer feel this way... being a part of all these convos and hearing everyone's stories is really helping me understand and heal and know I'm not alone. I hope I become strong enough to hang out or even go out in public ha.. and find my happiness again like you KTF!

Nata1980

Struggling here as well. Hang in there

qtpi

I have gotten to the point- after being out 15 months now, I no longer accept or tolerate ANY verbal abuse. I just walk away from it. My life is overflowing with people who treat me with kindness, love, and caring. I am still healing and still trying to wrap my head around the abuse I put up with and the years I put up with it. I am starting to see myself in a new way- I am a worthy person and loveable. I make a valuable contribution in my job and with the people in my life. Life is to be enjoyed!!!

Bekindalways

Good on ya Keeping for coming here to post. I remember putting those no-contact days together knowing that given enough, I would feel better and be better.

Mango blast

My plans for today include bulletproof coffee, an Alanon meeting, laughter, quiet time and a group meeting at my local domestic violence shelter.

This is my new retreat mode... retreating into safe places.

In this moment I feel hurt, vulnerable and wesk. Not bad things, simply awareness of them. So in this I'm choosing to retreat, to find a healing space around me and let that work it's magic... to honor the healing process.

Homeschooling is going very well with DS10. Somehow everything keeps flowing together. God/Universe/ Mother Earth knows what we need and keeps providing it in unexpected ways.

I'm enjoying learning on new levels and it's fun for DS10 and I to be able to lool at and approach the same topics in completely different ways.

kodi

Hi keeping

Well done on the progress.

PeacefulWater12

Hi Keeping, enjoy your day. Avoiding toxic places and situations is a great way to live, in my experience.

Mango blast

Healing places are helping. Another day of staying on this path... taking a deep breath... letting joy of LIFE find it's way in, yet again... going to an Alanon meeting... being open to laughter while tears occasionally flood and let loose more emotions that have been bottled up for many years.

Mango blast

So convoluted and counter-intuitive... all of this.

My Higher Power lead me to spending 2 1/2 days with my husband, who mentally and emotionally seems to be in a better place than I've seen in 6 months. No intimacy. Nice, relaxed family time together again... kept things light and bright, didn't get into any deep issues -- we've both learned many times that the big things aren't going to be fixed over a short timeframe or by words.

We won't be having any contact again until Christmas eve. We did get Christmas shopping and present wrapping done together with DS10, so that in itself was a huge success. We also were able to enjoy a small town light parade, Christmas stroll and free movie night at a very old art-deco theater filled with children and families.

I kept going to self-care instinctively throughout the weekend... breathing deeply, having fun, enjoying the moment (mindfulness), stepping back and letting my husband step up.

This was very good for all of us. I am VERY grateful to now have 3 weeks of my own space with DS10 before Christmas.

We live in separate cities, so that makes this much easier.

I am thankful to be able to see the difference between the addiction and the person... and when the addiction is in charge (sober or not) I will continue to walk away. Keeping up with therapy, abuse counseling and Alanon.

Mango blast

Seeing more clearly the dysfunction I grew up with and accepted in my marriage. Reconnecting through therapy and life more of the good times I've lost sight of. One day at a time.

Strange.. or maybe very normal?... Reconnecting with the good is as stressful as dealing with the dysfunction. Acknowledging and honoring this. Focusing on relaxation, joy and having FUN today. Dancing to music... LOVING the huge amounts of snow blanketing everything ... looking forward to seeing where this day leads.

Still NC with my mom, dad and brother. Still keeping my cell phone off most of the time.

hopeful4

I am glad you are feeling well. How did your DS deal with this? Seems like it may be pretty confusing for him?

Sending big hugs! Keep taking care of you and that sweet boy!

Mango blast

DS has an amazing trust in me, God, life.... he has a voice and uses it... had fun with his dad, and was able to say dad stresses him sometimes, without needing to give an explanation to that... and that in itself was another step ahead for all three of us. DS also has been in Alateen/Alakid/Alanon for three years and has gotten a good grasp of the difference between the illness and his dad, and knows that when the illness is in charge it's no longer his dad we're dealing with.

He's also had counseling through domestic violence help centers.

Today he's not as sad to move forward without having dad around. Life goes on. We're having fun, playing games, relaxing, listening to music, learning and eating well. One day at a time and the rest falls into place.

OpheliaKatz

Faith, you can contact me on SR (and all the lovely people here)! Hello! I'm here to say I know how you feel, especially around the holidays. It's hard feeling lonely and knowing that whoever you could contact would just mean more stress and disappointment... not that anyone wants to hear from me anyway. Sometimes we end up with addicts or other people with issues because we don't have a great social support network, so we just take what we can get... which is always a bad idea.