Nata1980

Not sure if anyone had an experience like this.....

XAH moved out in February of 2016, divorced since August 2016. I was pretty much over our split, and even started dating casually. Very recently I allowed him to get under my skin (he cursed me out in public)
He managed to notice my vulnerability and proceeded to blame me (again) for everything that went wrong in his life and our marriage, in several encounters I could not avoid. He followed it up saying that he wishes we were friends and even stooped as low as calling me my nicknames from our “better days”.

Ever since then my nightmares are back, I am having a recurring one about him cheating or drinking again. I cried the entire weekend when my son was with him. I know, intellectually, that I did not cause any of his problems; but somehow I feel guilty and like I should have done more, being more understanding etc

Last straw (not related to XAH) came when I cancelled the date I had scheduled over the weekend, and the guy I have only met once cursed me out over it. Talk about dodging the bullet. Insignificant, but now I am sour about dating.

Due to this series of unfortunate events I feel like I am back to April of 2016 when I was still raw post split. Please tell me it will get better

Ugh you will be seeing more of me

Bekindalways

Wow . . . talk about a Series of Unfortunate Events. Well, at least if you had any doubts about the divorce, you have this recent reminder.

I did get together again with my qualifier and it wasn't good and I had to heal myself again. It will get better. Circle the wagons once again, eat well, exercise and generally take care of yourself.

So sorry about the recent bullet and so glad you dodged him!

qtpi

((((hugs))))).

maia1234

Nata,
I am sorry that it just doesn't end, even being divorced. They say on sr you need to cut contact as much as you can. It's like being sober and having that on little drink and you end up starting at day one, again.

You have done this before, get back up on the horse. Nothing good comes from contact with axh. Sending hugs.

Sasha1972

I'm really sorry to hear that you had to deal with bad behavior from two different men on the same day. I think that "getting over" these relationships goes in cycles - you feel fine for a while, then you feel terrible, then you feel fine again - and eventually, the times when you feel fine get longer and longer and the times when you feel terrible get shorter and shorter. Wishing you strength!

Nata1980

Thank you all!

I have noticed that feeling bad happens when I don’t have much going on

I want to get to this mindful place where I can enjoy stillness but probably better of staying busy

Solitude is not my friend right now

Have not answered his calls this week _ feel like power is coming back

kodi

He sees the progress you are making without him and is reacting in manner in which he knows.

This means he sees you growing and he doesnt having anything else to better fill his time and emotions with. If he wanted real progress he would be working on real progress from his side.

If someone throws you a ball. You do not have to catch. You can stand perfectly still arms folded and not move an inch. Your choice. They can throw balls and react all they want. You still don't need to catch it.

What is more important is that you are reacting to him in a way that moves your goals and dreams forward. Is the moment helping or hurting that? How can it be bettered next time.

hopeful4

I have children w/my XAH so I cannot go completely no contact, but let me tell you, I have as little as possible. If it's not a discussion about my children, we don't talk about it. I don't respond, at all, in any way. It has given me my sanity back.

Nata1980

Yep - sound advice! I have not picked up Skype since Sunday - only sent him an email with DS pics and what he is doing over the fall break. He will be picking DS up on Friday - I am asking a sitter to hang out for a couple of hours and handle the pickup

I can totally see how he got me to drop my guard and get me to respond and do the whole intermittent reinforcement deal. I know better! I love SR - I come in with a fuzzy brain and messy feelings - and you guys straighten me up

Mango blast

I'm living apart from my husband and I don't send him any photos or updates. He sometimes takes photos of DS when we have family time together.

I finally came to a point of realizing I was trying to create more of a relationship for them than he was working at... or at least in very different ways.

Updates wound up being a way my husband wanted to connect with me... and all too often, a way of knowing what I was doing.

Now DS is allowed not to talk on the phone when he chooses... and I'm allowed the freedom of being Mom instead of the "glue" of the chaos. I'm not superglue and I no longer want to be.

Everything keeps getting better. One day at a time... ebb and flow. Life is fluid and this is simply how it currently is for us.