Court Thursday
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Location: east coast
Posts: 526
Yes. Turns out XAH didn't do what he said he would do- but I did get the money today. We still have to split everything up yet- so I know now to expect more shenanigans after the court order. Almost completely done!!! Happy fall weather to everyone on the MId-Atlantic states and tahnks fora sking.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 141
Glad you got your money today. Yeah!!!!!
You are wise to prepare yourself for a bumpy ride during the balance of this settlement process.
At least you know you are on the right path.
As "They" say: "Easy Does It" - "One Day At A Time".
You are wise to prepare yourself for a bumpy ride during the balance of this settlement process.
At least you know you are on the right path.
As "They" say: "Easy Does It" - "One Day At A Time".
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Location: east coast
Posts: 526
I agree it will be bumpy. He told my DD I am not being fair and I am selfish and I broke the family up. I have refused to discuss the situation with her- said I will not discuss what goes on between your father and myself. And You are not to be a go- between. But DD is very very angry with me. At this point, I am just focussing on what I can change and I cant change DD. I wish he would stop the negative talk with her but I think he is just trying every possible way to hurt me. Soon as this financial settlement is done I will never have to speak to him again.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 141
Originally Posted by qtpi 
He told my DD I am not being fair and I am selfish and I broke the family up.
∆∆∆∆∆
This is a form of psychological "triangulation". Very unhealthy and unfair to your daughter.
"I have refused to discuss the situation with her- said I will not discuss what goes on between your father and myself. And You are not to be a go- between.
∆∆∆∆∆
This is healthy behavior. Very! Good boundary setting. Keep it up, Mom!!
"But DD is very very angry with me.
∆∆∆∆∆
Yup, kinda normal for this age and circumstance(s).
Counseling might help, if she is willing. But IME, my kids, although angry at me when I had a very similar situation, did not want to go to or really, continue counseling. We had been in family counseling for a while. They eventually "saw the light - and knew the truth" and their anger towards me subsided. THANKS,HIGHER POWER!!! I never said bad things about their dad. They just KNEW the truth. They just KNEW it......
"At this point, I am just focussing on what I can change and I cant change DD.
∆∆∆∆∆
Keep these thoughts! You are on the right, but difficult path.
" I wish he would stop the negative talk with her but I think he is just trying every possible way to hurt me.
∆∆∆∆∆
Yes, A's can be very negative, angry and vindictive. Sad, but so true. I think it is in the A's job description. ((Sad joke, I know - but that describes so many of them.))
"Soon as this financial settlement is done I will never have to speak to him again.
∆∆∆∆∆
For your sake, I truly hope this will be true.
At least you will have VERY limited interaction with him. And that will be a Good Thing!!!!
∆∆∆∆∆
This is a form of psychological "triangulation". Very unhealthy and unfair to your daughter.
"I have refused to discuss the situation with her- said I will not discuss what goes on between your father and myself. And You are not to be a go- between.
∆∆∆∆∆
This is healthy behavior. Very! Good boundary setting. Keep it up, Mom!!
"But DD is very very angry with me.
∆∆∆∆∆
Yup, kinda normal for this age and circumstance(s).
Counseling might help, if she is willing. But IME, my kids, although angry at me when I had a very similar situation, did not want to go to or really, continue counseling. We had been in family counseling for a while. They eventually "saw the light - and knew the truth" and their anger towards me subsided. THANKS,HIGHER POWER!!! I never said bad things about their dad. They just KNEW the truth. They just KNEW it......
"At this point, I am just focussing on what I can change and I cant change DD.
∆∆∆∆∆
Keep these thoughts! You are on the right, but difficult path.
" I wish he would stop the negative talk with her but I think he is just trying every possible way to hurt me.
∆∆∆∆∆
Yes, A's can be very negative, angry and vindictive. Sad, but so true. I think it is in the A's job description. ((Sad joke, I know - but that describes so many of them.))
"Soon as this financial settlement is done I will never have to speak to him again.
∆∆∆∆∆
For your sake, I truly hope this will be true.
At least you will have VERY limited interaction with him. And that will be a Good Thing!!!!
Hang in there!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Location: east coast
Posts: 526
Thank you all so much!!! I wish XAH had settled with me months ago but he waited until it dragged all the way to a court date. I am feeling so much better, more hopeful, happier than ever! XAH would not negotiate anything- he didn't pay me one red cent of alimony- he lived in our paid up house, and I had to wait months for the court to schedule the hearing for the financial matters- my state is very slow in this. I left in May 2016 and it has taken this long to go to court. But it has been worth it to get away from abuse.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 299
Hi,
I haven't posted in awhile, but I understand what you're going through! Nothing seems to be easy!
I left my XAH in Feb 2016. He fought everything! Court didn't hear our divorce case until March 2017. Final Decree orders were issued in April 2017. My XAH contested the decree, so the final orders were final in July2017.
He has made this a fight every step of the way! He has ruined my credit! The court allowed him to keep his truck loan in my and his name. He was 3 months behind! Bank wanted me to pay! They don't care about a divorce decree!! Right before they were going to repo his truck he paid it!!!
Our house has been listed for sale!
I haven't seen a dime, and it's been almost 2yrs.
I still don't have any regrets! I'm slowly getting my life back! I don't have to live with my AH threats, intimidation, emotional abuse, and fear for my safety!
As like me, you are slowly getting your life back! I wish you nothing but the best!!
Take very good care of yourself!
Zircon
I haven't posted in awhile, but I understand what you're going through! Nothing seems to be easy!
I left my XAH in Feb 2016. He fought everything! Court didn't hear our divorce case until March 2017. Final Decree orders were issued in April 2017. My XAH contested the decree, so the final orders were final in July2017.
He has made this a fight every step of the way! He has ruined my credit! The court allowed him to keep his truck loan in my and his name. He was 3 months behind! Bank wanted me to pay! They don't care about a divorce decree!! Right before they were going to repo his truck he paid it!!!
Our house has been listed for sale!
I haven't seen a dime, and it's been almost 2yrs.
I still don't have any regrets! I'm slowly getting my life back! I don't have to live with my AH threats, intimidation, emotional abuse, and fear for my safety!
As like me, you are slowly getting your life back! I wish you nothing but the best!!
Take very good care of yourself!
Zircon
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Location: east coast
Posts: 526
Zircon- it sounds like we have joined the same club. Who knew it would be so hard to extract yourself from the situation?
I just want to rebuild my life.
I have friends and activities and hobbies. I will be making some decisions about moving out of my tiny apartment. I am free now and can live anywhere I want. Just have to decide what the next steps are.
It's a little scary- not complaining, just pondering.
We have cold winters where I live now and I would like to move somewhere warm... but I don't want to leave my family and friends. Also I am involved in some fun musical groups here. If I move will I find that elsewhere?
I love my job- I can find a job anywhere in the career I am in- but what if I move and the new job is not a good fit?
So now I have all the freedom to decide these things, and I have only qtpi to consider!!!
I just want to rebuild my life.
I have friends and activities and hobbies. I will be making some decisions about moving out of my tiny apartment. I am free now and can live anywhere I want. Just have to decide what the next steps are.
It's a little scary- not complaining, just pondering.
We have cold winters where I live now and I would like to move somewhere warm... but I don't want to leave my family and friends. Also I am involved in some fun musical groups here. If I move will I find that elsewhere?
I love my job- I can find a job anywhere in the career I am in- but what if I move and the new job is not a good fit?
So now I have all the freedom to decide these things, and I have only qtpi to consider!!!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 299
Originally Posted by qtpi
Zircon- it sounds like we have joined the same club. Who knew it would be so hard to extract yourself from the situation?
I just want to rebuild my life.
I have friends and activities and hobbies. I will be making some decisions about moving out of my tiny apartment. I am free now and can live anywhere I want. Just have to decide what the next steps are.
It's a little scary- not complaining, just pondering.
We have cold winters where I live now and I would like to move somewhere warm... but I don't want to leave my family and friends. Also I am involved in some fun musical groups here. If I move will I find that elsewhere?
I love my job- I can find a job anywhere in the career I am in- but what if I move and the new job is not a good fit?
So now I have all the freedom to decide these things, and I have only qtpi to consider!!!
I just want to rebuild my life.
I have friends and activities and hobbies. I will be making some decisions about moving out of my tiny apartment. I am free now and can live anywhere I want. Just have to decide what the next steps are.
It's a little scary- not complaining, just pondering.
We have cold winters where I live now and I would like to move somewhere warm... but I don't want to leave my family and friends. Also I am involved in some fun musical groups here. If I move will I find that elsewhere?
I love my job- I can find a job anywhere in the career I am in- but what if I move and the new job is not a good fit?
So now I have all the freedom to decide these things, and I have only qtpi to consider!!!
I too had some many decisions to make when my life changed! But, they were my decisions!! It felt good!
I too live in a place with cold winters, and thought about moving to a warmer climate. I also, like you have established myself with friends, family, and a good job. I'm a nurse so could work anywhere.
I chose, and it felt nice knowing I had a choice!! I stayed, just moved about 40 miles from the town I lived in for the past 25 years!!
I had too many changes in my life, I know leaving my XAH was a good one, but felt so lost!!!!!
I needed the security of my family and friends around. I needed things to be different, but familiar!
For me, it's been overwhelming! I felt like a woman that really didn't belong anywhere!
All of the decisions I made, are good for me right now! I'm not sure if down the road, I won't move someplace warm, but need to get me back first. It's a slow process!!
It's amazing! I left almost 2years ago, but still dealing with financial stuff, and only been divorced since July.
You will make the right decisions for you, and they will truly be for and about you.
You and you alone control your destiny now!
Take care of yourself, and please continue to post! I'm very interested in how your journey progresses.!
You are in my thoughts!
Take Care
Zircon
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Location: east coast
Posts: 526
Thanks Zircon! I have been praying so much for direction. One day I was praying in a church and I watched a single butterfly landing on some Joe Pye weed in the sunshine- and I thought I am like that butterfly. I need to be in a certain environment to even survive and I need to be nourished. being with loving people nourishes me. being surrounded by beauty and safety nourishes me.
I never expected the financial settlement to take soooo long- can't wait until it is over!!
I never expected the financial settlement to take soooo long- can't wait until it is over!!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 299
Hi,
I don't know why the financial piece does take so long! I haven't seen a penny yet from the final decree orders! I wasn't a smart woman! I was in love with my XAH, gave him everything I had! I was the primary bread earner, and he shared on my mother's inheritance! I won't get any of that back! I helped him financially open a business in 2015, which he ran into the ground and is closed now! He's claimed no income for the past 3 years so the court took pity on him, I guess. I got at least a good portion of our home when it's sold! It's finally been listed! Hopefully will sell soon! I'm sick of being broke!
My XAH took a lot away from me, but the thing he couldn't take from me was ME!! I'm so grateful that I'm finally realizing that! Doesn't make it any easier though.
I do understand how you feel!! I wasn't sure I was gonna survive all these changes and the emotional upheaval!! I felt so lost! My friends and family are wonderful and supportive. But o still felt like a woman with a home and so disconnected from everything!
Time has helped a little, but I still feel that way a lot!
I keep telling everyone, I just need for this to finally be over! All ties servered!! Maybe, that will help for you too!! It's been way to long for the both of us!
Moving on, I guess is a slow process. I have physically moved x2, but mentally there are days I feel so overwhelmed!!
This is when leaning on friends and family helps a lot!
I'm so good at fixing other people, being a nurse! But can't fix this!!
Please continue to reach out here! The people here are so supportive, and just be good to yourself!!
Take Care,
Zircon!
I don't know why the financial piece does take so long! I haven't seen a penny yet from the final decree orders! I wasn't a smart woman! I was in love with my XAH, gave him everything I had! I was the primary bread earner, and he shared on my mother's inheritance! I won't get any of that back! I helped him financially open a business in 2015, which he ran into the ground and is closed now! He's claimed no income for the past 3 years so the court took pity on him, I guess. I got at least a good portion of our home when it's sold! It's finally been listed! Hopefully will sell soon! I'm sick of being broke!
My XAH took a lot away from me, but the thing he couldn't take from me was ME!! I'm so grateful that I'm finally realizing that! Doesn't make it any easier though.
I do understand how you feel!! I wasn't sure I was gonna survive all these changes and the emotional upheaval!! I felt so lost! My friends and family are wonderful and supportive. But o still felt like a woman with a home and so disconnected from everything!
Time has helped a little, but I still feel that way a lot!
I keep telling everyone, I just need for this to finally be over! All ties servered!! Maybe, that will help for you too!! It's been way to long for the both of us!
Moving on, I guess is a slow process. I have physically moved x2, but mentally there are days I feel so overwhelmed!!
This is when leaning on friends and family helps a lot!
I'm so good at fixing other people, being a nurse! But can't fix this!!
Please continue to reach out here! The people here are so supportive, and just be good to yourself!!
Take Care,
Zircon!
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