Breaking Point
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 3
Breaking Point
I have not posted in a month or so but i simply do not know what to do. Well, that is wrong- i know i have to leave him but i am not strong enough.
I have invested the past 3 months of my life in this relationship and every day he gets worse and worse.
At first, he was just miserably drunk and hating his own life. Now? He puts me down every second to the point that I blame myself. He blames me. He screams at me for hours. He never even touches me because he "is not an affectionate person". Tonight he screamed at me for hours and then left, i have no idea where he went. I have started to hate and blame myself everyday and i do not know how to deal with it. I just wish that i knew how to handle this.
I knew the risks of getting involved with an alcoholic but i am struggling to find the strength to leave someone who is so damaged and that i SO care about behind.
I have invested the past 3 months of my life in this relationship and every day he gets worse and worse.
At first, he was just miserably drunk and hating his own life. Now? He puts me down every second to the point that I blame myself. He blames me. He screams at me for hours. He never even touches me because he "is not an affectionate person". Tonight he screamed at me for hours and then left, i have no idea where he went. I have started to hate and blame myself everyday and i do not know how to deal with it. I just wish that i knew how to handle this.
I knew the risks of getting involved with an alcoholic but i am struggling to find the strength to leave someone who is so damaged and that i SO care about behind.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,851
Oh, hun. Three months is nothing...really. It may seem like a long time, but in the grand scheme of life, it is but a single drop in the ocean.
He will be damaged whether you stay or leave. You cannot save him. You aren't saving him now. He will do whatever he wants to do whether you stay or leave.
I don't mean to sound cruel, but please...three months is nothing. Save yourself. (((HUGS)))
He will be damaged whether you stay or leave. You cannot save him. You aren't saving him now. He will do whatever he wants to do whether you stay or leave.
I don't mean to sound cruel, but please...three months is nothing. Save yourself. (((HUGS)))
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,792
Ginger,
It takes time and work, to detach. This does not happen over night, it took me about 15 years from my first meeting in alanon to finally divorce axh. Ugh!!
What support are you doing? Any meetings, reading on sr or a therapist? It takes work to build up your confidence. We always have choices, why don't you get up and walk out on the verbal abuse. Leave the room or house or town. Start with baby steps. You do not need to listen to his drunken rage.
Sending hugs, hang In there.
It takes time and work, to detach. This does not happen over night, it took me about 15 years from my first meeting in alanon to finally divorce axh. Ugh!!
What support are you doing? Any meetings, reading on sr or a therapist? It takes work to build up your confidence. We always have choices, why don't you get up and walk out on the verbal abuse. Leave the room or house or town. Start with baby steps. You do not need to listen to his drunken rage.
Sending hugs, hang In there.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
three months....such a short period of time. and it has been........awful and getting worse.
when we are just starting to see people, date, get involved and we find ANYTHING about them that makes us uncomfortable, we grab our stuff and GO.
if they have problems that have gone of for years, we are obligated to even attempt to "help" or "fix" them. we grab our stuff and GO.
if they are mean or abusive, we grab our stuff and GO.
our job is to learn to not over-invest ourselves in anyone that we hardly know. or even that we know well. we must have boundaries...the place where we end and they begin.
when we are just starting to see people, date, get involved and we find ANYTHING about them that makes us uncomfortable, we grab our stuff and GO.
if they have problems that have gone of for years, we are obligated to even attempt to "help" or "fix" them. we grab our stuff and GO.
if they are mean or abusive, we grab our stuff and GO.
our job is to learn to not over-invest ourselves in anyone that we hardly know. or even that we know well. we must have boundaries...the place where we end and they begin.
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