Wow this is really hard.
 

I told AH I wanted a divorce a week ago. I've been staying with my parents who live nearby, it was easier for me to leave the house than him (and yes it's fine legally, where I live that won't make any difference). I posted last week about how clear I felt about, sad but this is clearly what needs to happen.

None of that has changed. And I knew that even though I've grieved the loss of what I used to have, and what I thought I had, for years, I knew there was more to come. The acute pain that hit me tonight though, wow. This is awful. I still have no doubts and yes, I did expect it to hurt but when it hits, it's still jawdropping. I've been going through it the last few days and I expect it will come and go like this for a while.

I know that my situation is not extreme (and sure, all of us have legitimate problems and everyones are hard). But I just wanted to say, those of yours who manage to do what you need to do to take care of yourself AND children, with not only emotional but also sometimes even physical abuse, and without the kind of family support and nearby resources I am so blessed to have - well, you all are superheroes.

This site, and all of you, are a treasure beyond compare.

Hang in there, Nola.
It will get better.

It does get better. This is VERY new for you, there is a period of grief and stress. Keep moving ahead, one step at a time.

Nola, I too see the folks here as heroes. Decades later I still remember that "jaw dropping" pain. I called it excruciating-glow-in-the-dark pain. It is still one of the hardest things I have ever done and I didn't have kids with my qualifier.

I went for a long time where every day I gave myself credit if I just got to the end of the day without calling him nor killing myself. Yep it was that bad.

Soldiers, policemen/women, doctors, teachers serve our country but in tangible ways I believe those who quit drinking or leave a relationship with an addict make society better in less tangible but perhaps more powerful ways.

Thank you for doing the right thing (I know leaving isn't the right thing for everyone). Peace, healing, and courage to you and all who are in this situation.

Hang in there. I will say it’s a bit crazy to look back once the haze clears and see how much you tolerated for so long.

Of course, there will always be days that are harder than others. I still say to myself wow that was a close one. I lost myself and finding the “you” again is terrifying at first yet now I treasure my alone time and how healthy and happy I have become through this process.

Nola, yes, it is hard. Very.

I too, remember almost going through "withdrawals" when my soon to be ex AH left. In fact, I felt the pain even before he moved out, and we had been sleeping in separate rooms, but his moving out date had been set.

I told my Alanon sponsor and she agreed that as painful and abusive my marriage was, that I was grieving the loss of the marriage, of my partner, my lover (my first love, in fact), my bed-mate. LOL - she even bought me a large stuffed Teddy Bear to sleep with. (Sigh...RIP Sponsor - I miss her.)

Hang in there, hug a pillow at night (or a Teddy Bear).

Also, another thing I was told, when I started to "miss" him, and started to think of the "Good Times" (and we did have some) was to say to myself:

"Remember the Craziness".

And I did. Many times. This thought saved me. And the longing for him lessened.

Hugs to ya'

What I realized (in hindsight) was I had to grieve giving up my delusions: the fantasy of what it COULD be.

Sending hugs, Nola.

Just wanted to pop in here and send you my love.

Please reach out to me if you need anyone to talk to. I know we are just text over the world wide web, but sending you Internet hugs if you need them!!!

:grouphug::ValB005:

It's the death of what we thought we'd have, even though it slowly fell apart long ago. It's not the death of the here and now; the current chaos is what helps us leave. But the severing of what we thought it was going to be...that's hard. There's so much trauma associated with all of it...all of the emotions you are feeling will help to eventually complete the cycle of trauma and you can emotionally take a deep breath. It will happen.

Nola,

Thinking of you today. How are you doing? How has life progressed lately?

(((Hugs)))