Nola0250

Tonight I told my AH I want a divorce. He took it about as well as I expected. He acted shocked, then said it had expected it and had looked into an attorney. He said he had read up on codependency and decided I had a real problem, and he was willing to support me through it. He said he knew my baggage before we were married, but he married me anyway. Since he has not been drinking the past 6 weeks his whole perspective on life has changed and now he realizes how skewed his outlook has been. He implied that I'm cold or defective because I'm unwilling to give him a chance to do better now that he finally realizes the problem and has addressed it (I addressed it first around 8 or 10 years ago...). He also tried to bargain for a separation on the grounds that it would be messy and expensive to sell the house, then when I would not agree to that he turned around and said a divorce should be really simple since we only have the house and a few assets, all obtained during the marriage, and he wants it to be fair and amicable.

I feel like I have whiplash, but otherwise feel pretty good about it. I feel lighter. I have grieved a lot and I know there will be more later, but I know I made the right decision for me. I also think he's got a few years of work ahead of him and he is way more likely to be successful if he doesn't think he can fall back on me.

ChloeRose63

Wow! That was a brave thing to do. Good Luck and I wish you well.

Sasha1972

What a huge step! It's incredibly difficult to get the words out - and you know there's going to be a whole roller-coaster of emotions to come - but you've made a huge leap forward. And it sounds like even if AH is still confused and messed up by years of drinking, at least he's not going to go out of his way to make it difficult.

(He said that he has consulted an attorney - have you also done so? If one party has a lawyer, the other party would be wise to have one too).

Nola0250

yes I have. I need to contact her to have her send the papers tomorrow. long time coming, but I think its going to be ok in the long run.

FeelingGreat

Well done Nola. Its a difficult step to take for most and I'm glad you got it over with. I'll just echo other posters in saying the sooner you get a lawyer the better, in case he raids bank accounts etc.

Good of him to offer you a second chance you tackle you co-dependency problems

Hangnbyathread

It may not seem like it at the moment. But you just started to make the best improvement in your life you can.

I have NO regrets other than I should have done it sooner.