DontRemember

I am a 'them'(Acoholic 10+months sober and working my program).. My ex has been trying to gain back my trust,but then the 'witching hour' phone calls start off with her slurred speech. She denies having drank anything,but..I'm a ex-drunk and know how drunks sound/act. I know TIME and actions,but I just don't think I have it in me to give her anymore time. I do love her,but not the active her. It's even gotten to the point that I 'time' my evening calls to her when I know she would normally be at the bar and 3/5 nights last week that was the case. I'm not a detective and am spending WAY too much energy and thought on her...Sorry; just even typing this out I see how pathetic I sound. LOL

SmallButMighty

Being codependent is just as poisonous to your mental health as alcoholism. Please don't fall in to that trap, it' a deep dark hole.

You know you can't control her actions.. you know you need to focus on your own recovery.

Congrats on the 10 months!

Maudcat

Congratulations on 10 months, DontRemember.
It often happens that as we get healthier, we see how dysfunctional others are.
I forget. Are you and spouse attempting to work on your marriage, and that's why you call her regularly?
Maybe step away from the calls for a bit?
You walk your path; she walks hers.

DontRemember

Yep...That's why I said just writing it out,read 'pathetic' to me. I control nothing but my actions. I've given everything to my HP. Yesterday was such a great day,until the slurred phone call,lies,ect.. I'm not going to put anymore thought/energy there. Thanks.

firebolt

You aren't pathetic.

We WANT to believe and trust people we love. That is human!

Wanting to believe and trust them doesn't mean we can. Good for you for booting her from your mental space - and congrats on your sobriety!

NYCDoglvr

Ten months is awesome! It's heartbreaking, but staying with an active alcoholic can put your own recovery in jeopardy. You seem to know the actions you must take.

AnvilheadII

remember - just cuz a phone rings, we do not HAVE to answer it. that's why God made voicemail. you are in charge of exactly how much contact you maintain with your ex.

LeeJane

Congratulations on ten months. Great work.

Your post made memories of my dad flood back. Never ringing him past about noon as he would always be drunk and annoying!

Nola0250

Congrats on your recovery. Please don't think that you are pathetic.

Codependence is a natural human reaction to loving and living with an active alcoholic. Take it for someone who has been there for 10 years - put up your boundaries now. You take care of you. Watch out for enabling behavior toward her on your part. You can't control her drinking so don't try. She needs to fix her, you can't.

hopeful4

You are not pathetic. You are recovering and see that she is in an unhealthy place.

Congrats to you and your own recovery, keep up the great work!

Westexy

Don't Remember - You don't sound pathetic. You sound like almost all of us have sounded at some point. Thank you for sharing with us and congratulations on your sobriety. Take care of YOURSELF - however you have to do it.

maia1234

DR,
We have all been there. You don't need to engage. Let it go into voice mail and if it doesn't stop, just turn off your phone. You can listen to it in the am or just delete it as I am sure it is nothing of importance. Keep working your program and getting healthy.

Us codies "Love" sober addicts, who are truly working a program!!! Congrats on your sobriety, life is really sweet, isn't it!! Hugs!!