Becki67

Okay, I'm sure that there are several of you out there that already knew this, DandyLion and Sparklekittie for sure, but I'm co-dependent! I have a mental picture of you two saying, well no sh**!

I honestly didn't realize it until I reread DandyLion's response to me and agreed with everything she said.

How did I miss it? I'm always reading about how to change him, ignore him, live with him, and even about anxiety, but I never EVER read much about MY co-dependency. I just read a checklist on Codie traits and 90% of them are me! Wow.

I always tell myself that I'm independent and I can handle things myself...but I'm referring to repairs and bills and work and day to day life activities AND doing everything for everyone else. Going through this process of leaving, however, I'm discovering that emotionally....sheesh....I'm a codie.

How in the world did I miss this?? So much more makes sense to me now. Why I feel the way I feel now, why I feel like I have to do everything for everyone, why I was such a people pleaser at work and almost killed myself doing it....crazy!

Now, I truly understand what you guys mean when you're talking about getting ourselves healthy first. Taking time out for ourselves. Being selfish for ourselves. Those hour long baths I take don't really count if I'm listening for any noise throughout the house to worry about and try to fix if I can. The nail salon isn't really for me if I get irritated if they take too long and I'm not at the house making sure everything is fine.

I have a lot of work to do on myself.

SparkleKitty

Big hugs, Becki. It was a shock to me too when I realized it about myself! Also, a great big first step towards recovery.

honeypig

Becki, I relate to how you're feeling. I had a similar realization myself when I actually learned what co-dependent meant. I can't say I had every one of the symptoms, but enough to know that it applied to me, no doubt about it.

Don't know if you're old enough to remember the comic strip "Pogo" by Walt Kelly, but he drew this panel for us folks:

Smarie78

I have Codependent No More by Melody Beattie, in both book form and audio. I listen to it in my car and on the train. It's one of the greatest books I have ever read. It's very powerful. I highly reccomend

hopeful4

It's your ahhh-haaa moment. Awareness is the beginning friend.

dandylion

honeypig....I love pogo!

SmallButMighty

It's a wonderful feeling when that light bulb comes on!

I spent so much time and energy blaming (and trying to fix) HIM... ugggggg

When we realize we have been making our own bad choices and take measures to rectify that, life gets so much more bearable!

Big hugs!

And also another plug for "Codependent No More"....changed my life.

Becki67

I just checked out the book. I'll order a copy to keep but I didn't want to wait for it.

Wow!

Nola0250

Yup. Great book - what an eye opener. I used to think I was strong. I had rigid boundaries and collapsed like a house of cards in the face of a consistent barrage of alcoholic narcissism. Wow.

It's painful, but likit feels like a healthy pain this time. Like, now that I know maybe I can heal it.

maia1234

Light bulb moments are enlightening!!

I would probably have to say the majority of the people on the f&f forum are codependent; they just don't want to admit it, or haven't realized it yet. Ugh!!

Enjoy the book!